Need assistance on being more sociable.

[flashback]

Originally Posted by Jared

Oh geeze, if you go into the military without social skills you're going to be even worse when you come out. Go to university for two years first, it's your only chance.

seriously, I fear for how you will turn out after boot camp if you're already talking about being elitist and socially awkward.

actually, I fear for how anyone will turn out JUST for attending boot camp.

 

[West24]

if im reading you right your the type who uses the excuse that theyre so much smarter and better then other people and thats the reason noone likes you or understands you. there was this one girl in my highschool who was the biggest nerd in the world, and she would just go on about how artists said she was an artistic genius etc. when she was such a dumbass and had to make excuses for why noone liked her and had to make herself feel important in one way or another. much like many people who believe in conspiracies.

 

[Eason]

^^^ also, unfortunately, like many people who buy very expensive clothes.

 

[ctrlaltelite]

Originally Posted by Eason

^^^ also, unfortunately, like many people who buy very expensive clothes.

+1

 

[hi-val]

In an effort to increase the signal to noise ratio in here...

You don't need to change who you are to make people like you, you just need to show them things to like. I think you're probably getting into a self-feeding cycle that looks like:

[people don't like me because they know I'm smarter]

[oh great! party! I don't have to sit at home on a friday night!]

[oh, get to party, I don't want to talk about plebe stuff with people]

[nobody wants to talk to me because they're all stupid anyway]

[I don't even want to talk to these people]

[go home, jerk off, be angry, play starcraft]

go to top again.

There's probably a whole vicious cycle that feeds depression into itself where you seek validation from people, don't work for it, then get angry or frustrated or depressed that you didn't get validation from people that you actually don't want it from now.

Ready for some truth bombs? You're not a really smart cat, you're not cooler than other people because you don't talk about Jamie Lynn Spears, you're not cooler because you're doing something after high school.

If you want to get to know people and have fun at parties and be social, you have to GENUINELY want to meet other people. If you go expecting people to start conversations with you all night, you'll be bored, because lots of other people are feeling awkward too. However, if you talk to people first, they'll love to talk to you as long as you're not creepy and know how to hold a conversation.

Here are my tips:

-Folks are interesting. Everyone has something that they love to talk about, and they're pretty obvious about what it is. Letting someone be an expert about something makes them love you. However, you have to want to know what they're talking about, so you can ask good questions. This is where being genuinely interested helps.

-Smile. People like people who smile.

-If you need to, before you go somewhere, memorize some headlines from the newspaper and be able to talk about them. Don't be opinionated, talk about something silly like a court case with a funny outcome or a new color of ketchup.

-Learn the art of bullshitting. This is where you set aside your beliefs and opinions and just joke around a little with another person. The way you get good at this is...

-talking to clerks at stores. When you're buying gum from the convenience store, smile and say hi to the clerk. Remark about the weather and how good/bad it is. Often, just saying "long day?" will get you a knowing glance or a whole mini-conversation. Ask about the craziest customer they had today. Do this in slow hours btw. Clerks at stores want desperately to talk to people who aren't morons and who are actually interested in what they're saying. They want to talk about how drunk or high they're gonna get after work. If you say "long day?" to a clerk and he talks about how he's gonna smoke a fat bowl after work, congrats. You succeeded in having someone kinda-sorta trust you enough to say something like that.

Also, pick up How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's the second best selling book after the Bible for a reason. Lots of people want to make more friends.

People will be your friend if you are fun and a good time to be around. Being confident and being low-maintenance help too. Ask yourself why anyone would want to hang out with you and then when you have some reasons, think about how you demonstrate them to others.

I could go on for pages about this stuff since I love being social and meeting new people. Ask questions if you have them, I'll do my best to answer.

EDIT: btw, you cannot, cannot be good at meeting people if you think "I should probably do this before boot camp" or "I guess this would be ok". That's like going to the dentist and getting root canals. You have to have a DRIVE that makes you want to do it for its own ends, not to be better or more comfortable at something else.

 

[Hegemon]

I believe I might have misrepresented myself here, and perhaps have worn out my welcome. I don't view or intend to portray myself as better than anyone else. In fact, the very reason I am asking for help is because I realize that I don't blend in very well with my peers. The problem lies with me, I have no illusions or excuses about that. I was hoping I would be able to get a quick fix or a basic idea to start working toward success.

Also, my leaving for boot camp isn't the sole motivating factor. I wish to learn this for general ability, and that is just a hopeful completion date.

At any rate, some of the comments on here does seem helpful, and I will apply them toward my future interactions.

Cheers.

 

[scfdefinit]

Just start random conversations with random people daily til you are comfortable. Just talking with others will change the way people see you. You'll appear more sociable instead of looking more introverted/weird. Be yourself. Sounds cliche I know but at least it's better than people thinking otherwise.

 

[why]

Stop adding in random words to sentences. It's verbose and unassertive. Hemingway would've had you shot (if he didn't shoot himself first). Stop saying 'very', 'in fact', 'believe', 'perhaps'; Be ******* decisive. The best way to be more sociable is to let your balls hang out. The second best way is to get laid. The former sometimes is the causality of the latter.

 

[West24]

i usually find those people who start random conversations to be extremely akward. some people are just akward no matter how much they try. or trying too hard is whats making them akward, which is what happens much of the time. i love seeing those people start random conversations with peole on the subway, and they are so sociably inept, they cant tell by the persons wierded out smile as to say ok shut up now. either way if you see a situation is tense or you did something stupid, just laugh at yourself or the situation, this will show people you can poke fun at yourself, and they will then be more real and open with you.

 

[thin lazzy]

Do you feel sociable in your heart? If not the best you might try is to put these suggestions on the crackers.

 

[Hegemon]

One on one, I get along with people gallantly. 2 people and me, I can still hold my own. Any more than 2 people in the conversation that I am not already friends with and I tend to withdraw.

 

[cpmac7]

Originally Posted by scfdefinit

Just start random conversations with random people daily til you are comfortable. Just talking with others will change the way people see you. You'll appear more sociable instead of looking more introverted/weird. Be yourself. Sounds cliche I know but at least it's better than people thinking otherwise.

+1, i use to be like this kid (except for the whole smart thing). Then instead of being ignored by everyone, I would just go make random conversations with people realizing that most of the people i talked to were in the same position that i was in. As for dancing, well, all you need to do is learn one of those gay dances like the soulja boy and your problems will be solved.

Moral of the story SOULJA BOY = FRIENDS

 

[hi-val]

Originally Posted by Hegemon

One on one, I get along with people gallantly. 2 people and me, I can still hold my own. Any more than 2 people in the conversation that I am not already friends with and I tend to withdraw.

That's because you let yourself withdraw. If you tell yourself that with 3 other people, you'll still be fine, you'll, guess what, be fine. That you can actaully demarcate where your slip is very telling because it sounds, in a way, self-imposed. If the three people start talking about someone you don't know, listen to what kind of story they're telling and jump in with comments or an anecdote of your own.

Also, be observant; if you see someone who is really sociable, see how they talk to other people, ask questions, listen, etc.

 

[Violinist]

Originally Posted by Hegemon

One on one, I get along with people gallantly. 2 people and me, I can still hold my own. Any more than 2 people in the conversation that I am not already friends with and I tend to withdraw.

Stop using words like "gallantly". I can guarantee you that if you become more social, you WILL meet people smarter than you, and they won't be talking like that.

 

[hi-val]

Yeah, that too. I have a strong vocabulary (at least people around me tell me that) but I use words like "contingent" and "ameliorate" that are very specific verbs that narrowly describe what I'm talking about. It's precision instead of flourish. If there's one thing people can't stand, it's vocab show-offs.