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Have you ever dated a woman that was one step ahead of you mentally?

whiteslashasian

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Originally Posted by MetroStyles
Well I have seen successful examples of couples LOVING each other more, which is really nice, but it is more of an emotional bond thing. I totally want that obviously, but I don't think that can completely supplant the need for good sex, which let's be honest, usually cools off significantly even with someone you really love after a few years.

Yeah, I can see that. Almost at 2 years now and 5-6 times a week on average isn't too shabby.

I find that when we both workout and exercise often, our sex drives are increased appreciably; A great way to keep things going.
 

milosz

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Originally Posted by Matt
lol. 2/3 people who responded think they are smarter than every single girl they have ever dated. lol. these must be the same guys who believe it when a girl says "yes, it really is the biggest one I've ever seen"
I think I went with that, but only because there's no option involving equal intelligence. A couple of exceptions aside, the women I've dated have been on an equal playing field, close enough that I couldn't call it one way or the other. I suspect that's true for most people - individuals gravitate toward their intellectual peers, IMO.
 

GQgeek

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Originally Posted by whiteslashasian
It sounds as if you need to find a new circle of friends.

I have intelligent and sociable friends who in turn have intelligent and sociable friends. I met my gf at a mutual friend's birthday party and hit it off. She's incredibly intelligent. One of the small handful of dateable (single) girls I've met who's more intelligent and well rounded than I am. We teach and learn from each other a lot; the process is quite enjoyable.

Also, she's quite the looker being half Japanese and is in great shape; suck it Metro


Probably. The friends I go out with in toronto are all sort of isolated, all have SOs, and are all on their way towards marriage, so that probably doesn't help.
 

ConcernedParent

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Originally Posted by Matt
wow. that's kind of sad.

In a relationship context, I instinctively move toward them.

Why would I want to be around someone that I can't learn something from?


I mean the ones that are clearly ahead of you mentally. The ones that sniff out your lies or misleading statements even before they fabricate. The ones that are maybe a little neurotic due to their intelligence and can make your life a living hell before you realize it's too late.
 
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Originally Posted by ConcernedParent
I mean the ones that are clearly ahead of you mentally. The ones that sniff out your lies or misleading statements even before they fabricate. The ones that are maybe a little neurotic due to their intelligence and can make your life a living hell before you realize it's too late.
the trials and tribulations i have been through with my exes have been well chronicled here, but I can honestly say of the 4.5 real relationships I have had in my life, I consider three of them to be considerably more intelligent than me in various regards. The other one was probably the most compassionate person I have ever known, and the point five was a spoiled brat, but jesus, she had charisma. Of the three who were 'ahead of me mentally' - one was probably the best PR person I have ever worked with, with an amazing ability to talk people into absolutely anything they had no intention of agreeing to. One was a lawyer who could out argue Hitler if left alone with some spare time and a bottle of Baileys, and carried herself with an almost regal grace. The third is an architect who is more passionate about what she does than probably anyone else I have ever known, and now runs her own firm at 30 years old with over 30 staff. These are all great things, and things that inspired me, and made me stay with them for periods of 1.5 to 4 years, and all traits I think I sometimes lack myself. Looking back on them, those are the reasons they were ahead of me, and the reasons I am glad I have had them in my life. I'd much prefer that track record to 'spent three years with a moron, but at least I never felt threatened'
 

thinman

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Originally Posted by Matt
the trials and tribulations i have been through with my exes have been well chronicled here, but I can honestly say of the 4.5 real relationships I have had in my life, I consider three of them to be considerably more intelligent than me in various regards. The other one was probably the most compassionate person I have ever known, and the point five was a spoiled brat, but jesus, she had charisma. Of the three who were 'ahead of me mentally' - one was probably the best PR person I have ever worked with, with an amazing ability to talk people into absolutely anything they had no intention of agreeing to. One was a lawyer who could out argue Hitler if left alone with some spare time and a bottle of Baileys, and carried herself with an almost regal grace. The third is an architect who is more passionate about what she does than probably anyone else I have ever known, and now runs her own firm at 30 years old with over 30 staff. These are all great things, and things that inspired me, and made me stay with them for periods of 1.5 to 4 years, and all traits I think I sometimes lack myself. Looking back on them, those are the reasons they were ahead of me, and the reasons I am glad I have had them in my life. I'd much prefer that track record to 'spent three years with a moron, but at least I never felt threatened'
Amen! Intelligent/passionate/successful women are very attractive (they're just as rare as hen's teeth). OTOH, nothing, and I mean nothing, is a bigger turnoff than dating a candidate for the witless protection program.
 

holymadness

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There is one thing I would like to add to this conversation. I've noticed a significant correlation between intelligence (or knowledge) and self-esteem, which is oddly the opposite of the relationship between beauty and self-esteem.

I feel like intelligent women take their smarts much more seriously than men. To challenge something they feel they are very knowledgeable about in a debate is, for many, tantamount to challenging their intelligence. They get combative and irritated very quickly. It's like they can't detatch their personal selves from the issue they're discussing; a defence of their position becomes a defence of their accomplishments/abilities/education/etc. In this sense, I agree with a few of the posts above about a female need to prove oneself, which is probably related to feminist notions of self-worth. Some women are more aggressive about this than others.

I can't claim there is anything objective to this theory but it's what I've observed among several women. Some of the worst arguments I've ever had with women have come out of the most benign topics, like linguistics and taxation.
 

MetroStyles

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Originally Posted by holymadness
There is one thing I would like to add to this conversation. I've noticed a significant correlation between intelligence (or knowledge) and self-esteem, which is oddly the opposite of the relationship between beauty and self-esteem.

I'm just going to throw my two cents in here and add that I have not seen a correlation between intelligence and self-esteem. Ok, maybe like 10% correlation. But most of the Ivy League educated women I've known have been psycho/low self-esteem. A few have been well put together though. But certainly not most.
 

thinman

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Originally Posted by MetroStyles
I'm just going to throw my two cents in here and add that I have not seen a correlation between intelligence and self-esteem. Ok, maybe like 10% correlation. But most of the Ivy League educated women I've known have been psycho/low self-esteem. A few have been well put together though. But certainly not most.

I co-sign this (see my first post in this thread).

IME, very intelligent women often spend a great deal of time and effort trying to prove the fact to the people around them. Perhaps they assume they won't be taken seriously because they're women and feel the need to try harder, but trying hard to gain respect just makes them seem insecure.
 

freeAgent

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Since getting out of middle school (which really doesn't count), I've always dated women who are around my level of intelligence due to the fact that I went to a high school that required an entrance exam and had competitive admissions, a top tier college, and now work in consulting with people from similar backgrounds. I've always dated people who either went to school with me or were friends/acquaintances of my friends...most of whom are very intelligent people.

I think I'd be able to handle a relationship with someone noticeably more intelligent than me because neither she nor I would be using all of our brain power for most of our day-to-day activities or conversations anyway. I'm not sure where the cutoff is, but I think that at somewhere around 120-130 IQ, intelligence stops making too much difference in your normal interactions with a person.

Actually, it's likely I have dated someone who was more intelligent than me. She was one of those people who went to college when she was 16, double-majored in Economics and Biology, and could solve a Rubik's cube extremely quickly. We broke up because I was a rebound guy and she ended up going back to her ex.

I'm not sure I could have a successful relationship with someone noticeably less intelligent than me. I'd have a hard time respecting her, and that would make me feel guilty. My sister has a learning disability and is noticeably less intelligent than I am, and we usually do not get along well. It's hard for me to talk to her without coming across as more of a parent than a sibling and we have almost no common interests. I'm afraid I'd have a similar experience in a romantic relationship with someone at the same level as my sister.
 
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Originally Posted by freeAgent
I'm not sure I could have a successful relationship with someone noticeably less intelligent than me.

+1

I'd have a hard time respecting her, and that would make me feel guilty.
I don't feel guilty, I just get really bored and start treating them like crap...batting them around just for sport. This is not a good thing to say about myself, but it is what I end up doing.
 

PoloPlayr

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Trust me; stay away from women who are too intelligent. Fun for a dinner party or two - but not as a partner. Go for looks.
 

Da Luis Vuitton Don

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Originally Posted by PoloPlayr
Trust me; stay away from women who are too intelligent. Fun for a dinner party or two - but not as a partner. Go for looks.

yes until she wonders why the tuna can says chicken of the sea, then its time to bail
 

shiitake

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I'm still waiting to hear from someone who is actually in a long-term relationship (7-10 years) where this sort of question has ANY bearing on actual happiness.

I think a more interesting question would be have you ever dated someone who was less physically attractive than you (i.e. you were out of their league) but you still pursued it because they were so fun, intelligent, interesting, etc?
 

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