Things That Are Bothering You, Got You All Hibbeldy-Jibbeldy, or just downright pissed, RIGHT NOW!

[Neo_Version 7]

Just quit, wtf.

 

[Connemara]



I have been at work since 5:30 this morning and I won't get out until after 6. Then I have a long overdo haircut. I will get home probably around 8:30 and I have to be at work around 5:30 again tomorrow morning. Life is hard.

That really blows. I had to get up at 5 on Monday morning, but it was for a golf tourney at a Westchester country club. Lots of sitting around and eating the excellent food.

 

[Fang66]



Find her someone to talk to. Most importantly, this person shouldn't be you. If its you, then its just her husband harping on her over and over again. Just keep up with the reinforcement (love you, you're doing great, that sort of ****) and get her into a therapist. Stats show that its often as beneficial as taking pills. See if you can get any recommendations from friends and family. Also, have her hit the GP and get a physical. Check out the blood levels and **** like that.

I think that stats show that a combination of talk and drug therapy works best, that drug therapy works more quickly and talk therapy can help people gain skills needed to manage future bouts of depression. Also you need to find what works best for the individual, for me talk therapy was of little value, but a few courses of SSRIs over the years were very valuable.

GT it can be very tough for a loved one who hasn't experienced depression, my only real advice is to be supportive and I would also suggest seeing her GP as a first step.

 

[Thomas]



a little wife problems
my wife seems to be depressed. I think hitting 40, and having the twins starting school, is hitting her now. she is having trouble getting her housework done, she has little energy, she is spending her days playing vidio games and facebook/UrbanMom. which means that either I ahve to do my work and hers, or let the house become a pigsty. but more than that, I am worried about her happiness. both of her parents suffered from depression, but they also had sucky lives, I didn't think of this as a hereditary thing, I was thinking that they were brought up poorly and fucked up their lives.
so, I am not sure what to do. pushing her to talk to her GP and find a therapist, or just trying to push her to get back to routine. anyway, not happy.

Jeez, GT, that's a tough situation, I can't offer much help other than this time in our lives:

When Bjorn (XC student) went back home to his family our house became desolate. Some friends dragged us out for the evening and it helped us get over it, at least for the evening and we felt the void a bit less from then on. After that, we each found something different to occupy our time and minds: R went back to school, I signed up for a marathon. But, even then it took us a little time to decide what we wanted to do, because you're looking into a new world of OMG what next and there's too much to choose from.

In any case, good luck.

 

[Piobaire]

Frog, Lincoln freed the slaves. No contract can stop you from leaving (although it might stop you from doing certain things upon departure.)

GT, sorry to hear about the wife problem. Get her to have her thyroid and serum vitamin D checked if nothing else.

 

[in stitches]



Got an email in the morning as im getting ready for work saying I'm to be staffed in Denver again for a three week mini project.

1. denver is a ******* awesome city. go spend some time in the mountains. its beautiful there in the summer. rocky mountain natnl park is under 2 hours away iirc.

2. ill be there in 3 weeks. if youre lucky, you could meet me.

3. sorry this situation is so difficult for you.

GT, sorry to hear about the wife problem. Get her to have her thyroid and serum vitamin D checked if nothing else.

this. my wife had post partum thyroid issues, and getting that fixed made a tremendous difference in her life.

 

[LawrenceMD]



Frog, Lincoln freed the slaves. No contract can stop you from leaving (although it might stop you from doing certain things upon departure.)
GT, sorry to hear about the wife problem. Get her to have her thyroid and serum vitamin D checked if nothing else.

^its always best to rule out any medical condition before assuming anything. great advice.

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

I remember joining the NYRR (new york road runners the organization that does the NYC marathon) in 2009 and what surprised me was seeing how many running clubs consisted of members with women in the same exact situation as your wife GT.

I remember running the brooklyn half marathon with a woman in her 40's who ran my same pace and we basically told each other our life stories in the course of 8 miles. by the time we got to ocean parkway drive her family was there with banners and everything (it was a jewish neighborhood). I could tell she was running for the sake of running (boredom, wanted to get into shape, needed something to plan/focus on). she knew that running wouldn't solve her problems, but it was something constructive to do instead of nothing.

if she's not good with going to see a psychiatrist and or psychologist then maybe have her find an organization that has women in her same situation thats also constructive. the key is to avoid a "we feel sorry for ourselves/we want to create drama and quarrel" club but something with an end result.

 

[indesertum]

Yeah it might be thyroid issues do have her see a doctor as a regular check up and have her blood levels tested. Then tell the doctor your concerns

 

[globetrotter]



GT, sorry to hear about the wife problem. Get her to have her thyroid and serum vitamin D checked if nothing else.

thanks - I actually made her set an oppointment today to see her GP, she had a thyroid imbalance in the past, and it's been under control for a few years, but things change, I was thinking that it might be the thyroid. thanks

 

[Find Finn]



reading down, I see your situation is very differnt form mine. **** him

Yeah I'm glad he is Japan as he seem punchable.


Working out releases endorphins which helps to fight depression.

Doesn't she have any interest that she could spend some time on or start a part time business or something.

 

[globetrotter]

thanks - a little more information - my wife was a pretty successful academic, she was a curator in a well regarded museum, and an adjuct proffessor in two universities. when my son was born, 10 years ago, she went back to work and then decided that she didn't want to work she wanted to stay with him. it's been a good arrangement. over the past 5 years she's tried a lot of stuff as "part time businesses" - cake decorating and making baked goods. she's really good at it, and gets a lot of recognition, but there's no money in it.

she's also tought a bunch of classes for various organizations, and loved it and got good response, but having been out of academia for 10 years she isn't going to get a job in a good universtiy, and having tought at a university, she doesn't want to teach at a community college.

so, there we are.

a month ago, she got all weepy over wanting to get a new kitchen - we live in an apartment, which really makes sense to us. I said, "well, we could move to a house, but if we do this we would have to sacrifice this and this, do you want to?" and we considered it. a couple of days latter the whole kitchen issue was forgotten. unfortunatly, that kind of thing has happned a dozen times over the past 2 years.

 

[lasbar]



thanks - a little more information - my wife was a pretty successful academic, she was a curator in a well regarded museum, and an adjuct proffessor in two universities. when my son was born, 10 years ago, she went back to work and then decided that she didn't want to work she wanted to stay with him. it's been a good arrangement. over the past 5 years she's tried a lot of stuff as "part time businesses" - cake decorating and making baked goods. she's really good at it, and gets a lot of recognition, but there's no money in it.
she's also tought a bunch of classes for various organizations, and loved it and got good response, but having been out of academia for 10 years she isn't going to get a job in a good universtiy, and having tought at a university, she doesn't want to teach at a community college.
so, there we are.
a month ago, she got all weepy over wanting to get a new kitchen - we live in an apartment, which really makes sense to us. I said, "well, we could move to a house, but if we do this we would have to sacrifice this and this, do you want to?" and we considered it. a couple of days latter the whole kitchen issue was forgotten. unfortunatly, that kind of thing has happned a dozen times over the past 2 years.

She is obviously looking for a challenge to overcome the depressed state she has fallen into.

It is always difficult to overcome a loss of confidence ,social status,intellectual stimulation for a successful academic..

She is feeling a deep sense of identity loss and she must be feeling useless..

I'm suffering for severe depression all my life and I'm the same...

I need to move , buy a new house ,a chimney, a new suit to try to exorcize the pain...

It only works for a few days, months or years...

 

[globetrotter]



She is obviously looking for a challenge to overcome the depressed state she has fallen into.
It is always difficult to overcome a loss of confidence ,social status,intellectual stimulation for a successful academic..
She is feeling a deep sense of identity loss and she must be feeling useless..
I'm suffering for severe depression all my life and I'm the same...
I need to move , buy a new house ,a chimney, a new suit to try to exorcize the pain...
It only works for a few days, months or years...

basically - and I am really good at finding rational practical solutions, which aren't the thing here. the solution is less practical here, more emotional

 

[lasbar]



basically - and I am really good at finding rational practical solutions, which aren't the thing here. the solution is less practical here, more emotional

She needs reassurance and a project to nurture and to exorcize her demon..

She needs you to be rational ,calm and steady because in our emotional storms we need a safe haven to survive..

Show interest in her projects and help to rediscover herself.

Working is always the best therapy because socializing , getting up ,having challenges is the best antidote to clinical depression.

 

[JayJay]



thanks - I actually made her set an oppointment today to see her GP, she had a thyroid imbalance in the past, and it's been under control for a few years, but things change, I was thinking that it might be the thyroid. thanks

Globe, I hope the appointment helps to get to the bottom of this. All the best....