Do you and your wife have separate bank accounts? I need advice/help

[StephenB]

Engaged to be married in about 3 months. Both of us work so our plan for bank accounts are as follows.

We will have separate bank accounts and one shared account. The shared account is for all our shared expenses, we contribute equally 50/50 to this account. The account just pays for rent, Hulu, Netflix, Internet, Utilities, shared credit card (only for shared meals and expenses) etc, anything we use equally. When we have a shared goal (down payment, saving for a trip) we will contribute equally to this account as well.

Outside of that we both have separate accounts (bank and credit) for everything else. This allows both of us to spend on fun stuff without pissing the other off and to contribute equally to our shared expenses.

 

[Timbaland]

Thanks for all the replies guys. Looking at the poll results and all the stories was nice to see.

My girlfriend still doesn't want to have a separate account and a joint account. One of the things my parents were worried on is that my girlfriend is supporting her family. If it comes out of the joint account it would be some of my money going towards that too. After taking into account the advice on here I will probably just let it go. A miserable (complaining) wife = a miserable husband after all.

 

[NAMOR]

ive really enjoyed this thread. never gave it much thought but its something ill have to look forward to in the future.

 

[Joffrey]



Thanks for all the replies guys. Looking at the poll results and all the stories was nice to see.

My girlfriend still doesn't want to have a separate account and a joint account. One of the things my parents were worried on is that my girlfriend is supporting her family. If it comes out of the joint account it would be some of my money going towards that too. After taking into account the advice on here I will probably just let it go. A miserable (complaining) wife = a miserable husband after all.

I'm not married so take this for what it's worth but once you get married you as a couple will be supporting her family. You may want to consider if you're okay with that financial burden on both of you. If not, maybe you do the separate accounts thing until her family no longer needs support? Or come to some kind of agreement on the extent you can support her family? I'm not sure the extent of the support but something to consider, because I'm not sure backing down on your "miserable (complaining)" wife on every major decision will necessarily lead to reduced misery as a husband/couple.

 

[Gibonius]

^ yeah that's absolutely something you need to hash out before getting married. Working hard to fund her family could be a raw deal once you have a combined household. Simply giving in to everything she wants (financially or otherwise) is just as much a recipe for misery as fighting over everything.

 

[TheFoo]

My pay is magnitudes greater than my wife's, yet we share all bank accounts. My money is her money--on the principle that we both contribute equally to our marriage in different ways and support each other equally in different ways. Neither of us have to ask the other whether we can pay for a haircut or buy a pair of jeans. The issue is around big stuff, but we both understand that and discuss with each other to decide jointly.

 

[aravenel]



My money is her money--on the principle that we both contribute equally to our marriage in different ways and support each other equally in different ways. Neither of us have to ask the other whether we can pay for a haircut or buy a pair of jeans. The issue is around big stuff, but we both understand that and discuss with each other to decide jointly.

My thoughts as well. We have defined "personal spending" budgets (equal), but I couldn't imagine us getting our paychecks in separate accounts, paying the joint bills, and keeping whatever is left over--wouldn't be equitable.

 

[CBrown85]

We make roughly the same amount, so not much of this has really ever been an issue. We've been together since before university so it's all happened pretty naturally. We keep separate accounts and a joint savings/investment portfolio that we both contribute to. Luckily we're poor and don't do/have fancy things so the issue of spending is never really something that comes up. If we had different goals/tastes the relationship would have ended long ago.

 

[Douglas]

Married for 2 years here, together for 8 or so, and we still don't know what we're doing. We are not a model case. I've finally convinced my wife that we needed a joint account to pay for bills and I can tell you my own personal feeling is that it's much better this way. I don't mind her keeping some money separate but we've had a slightly less-than-optimal set of debates over "who was paying" for certain things. Now, a grocery bill comes out of our money, so does eating out. And I like it better that way.

I think everyone is different and the most important thing is that you find clarity and can agree on it.

 

[CBrown85]

A friend was telling me that he shared everything with his wife... except the secret "party card" that he rang up $8000 on just before his mortgage was set to renew...