career advice for my bum of a sister

With that said, why are you putting it upon yourself to help her get a job? Unless she's destitute she should figure out how to get by on her own. Just don't lend her money or more than you're comfortable parting with forever.

You're a good man, Globe, for trying - your sister doesn't deserve you.

Your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I'm sure is happy that you are following his example of love and unconditional compassion.

Not so sure about that Horns, given the thread title.

HORNS said:

Your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I'm sure is happy that you are following his example of love and unconditional compassion.

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Don't know why I laughed, but maybe it was a reaction to reading the topic title and then reading this post.



HORNS said:

You're a good man, Globe, for trying - your sister doesn't deserve you.

Your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I'm sure is happy that you are following his example of love and unconditional compassion.

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Joffrey said:

Not so sure about that Horns, given the thread title.

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JilSlander said:

Don't know why I laughed, but maybe it was a reaction to reading the topic title and then reading this post.

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thanks, Horns, jI understand that is meant as a very high valued compliment, I am not sure that I deserve it. i am niether compasionate or uncondintional, for that matter. but thank you


as to why - I honestly am not going to let my sister starve, or be homeless. so, eventually this will cost me money and agrivation. family relationships are difficult. she has never really been bad to me, she's just older and we didnt' really interact that much, but if she is destitute and calls me, I don't think that I will be able to tell her to **** off.

Just go ahead and build a room in the back yard.

Serious query - why not put her to work at your company? At least for a temp period. Mail room, secretary, bullshit jobs, etc.. Just to give her something to do and some way to earn.

Saving that, maybe ship her out somewhere with a burgeoning Joo presence? Seems like Chicago isn't working out for her that well.

Also, how can you become a rabbi without being involved in a synagogue?

^ if she's not reliable or has an attitude problem, her fails will **** up globe's hard earned reputation. Which is a serious problem unless globe owns the company (and even then it's a problem)

Give her a one-way ticket to Maldives.



HRoi said:

^ if she's not reliable or has an attitude problem, her fails will **** up globe's hard earned reputation. Which is a serious problem unless globe owns the company (and even then it's a problem)

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very true. but, still, easier to start at home. maybe he could foam the runway and see where it leads.

HORNS said:

Give her a one-way ticket to Maldives.

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if he's handing them out I'll take one as well...

globetrotter said:

serious question. my sister is a **** up. she's about 50, she's never held a job for more than 2 years. huge student debt, etc.

anyway, so she is looking for a job, and I was talking to her the other day, and it seems like everybody she talks to about a job, she is hugely critical of their organization. she is a rabbi (yeah, yeah, like the world needs another hate filled raging angry menoposal woman rabbi) and it strikes me that she has never belonged to a synagogue as a member, and she doens't really have friends who aren't proffetional jews. everyone she hangs out with is in her field. I think she has no idea of what the hiring process is like from the other side, and really no concept of what is going on.

she gets rude with the people who call her, and tells them that they don't know what they are doing, or what they want, or their intervewing inst proffetional, etc.

so, aside from her being a *****, is there somethign that I can do to help her?

I am thinking that she needs to understand the other side of the desk, what they are thinking, how the side of the (volenteers) who are interviewing her are thinking.

honestly, any advice here would be welcome. I'd like to try to help her out.

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Is she your stepsister or something? Did you grow up in separate households? Were you molested as a child? I've never heard a man speak with such disdain for his sister.

She's made it to 50, and if she's satisfied with wear she is, then I don't see what the problem is. She's obviously not needy enough to stop being a "*****," so maybe you should stop judging, and let her be.

As Jesus would say, turn the other cheek. Considering she's a bum, makes sense non?


Honestly GT, I think you're 'doing the right thing' and I understand your position. We never really should give up hope. I guess the question for me is, is SHE unhappy with where she's at and how she's living? You can take a horse to water... is it just that she isn't living the way YOU think she should? You said she's looking for a job, why? find her motivation/reward and focus on using that to get her in a better position.

I would avoid letting her get involved too much in your own business or lending money etc as people have said. Maybe see if she can find a role in the community? I know a lot of the chasidics and people who grow up in those environments are socially sheltered and ultimately only find acceptance within those circles. Maybe you can ask the local shul to offer her something like helping there or at a hebrew school or for one of the charities, etc.


and I'll just drop this in here. sounds cliche maybe but it seems to me to be the most basic premise of behaviour. Covey - if you keep doing what you've been doing you'll keep getting what you've been getting. Ie if she takes the same attitude/beliefs/approach, she'll have the same results. Explain that to her, ask her to evaluate her results, then the behaviours that caused them, then the thoughts/feelings/attitude that expressed as those behaviours, and give her suggestions for more productive thoughts or behaviours and tell her to go try those. Make her admit that what she's been doing hasn't really been working. And if she thinks it has been working then she won't change what she's doing. And if she blames everything/everyone else, tell her that and tell her she needs to start taking responsibility for the results of her life.


eh, just a ramble. hopefully there's something useful in there.



Rambo said:

Serious query - why not put her to work at your company? At least for a temp period. Mail room, secretary, bullshit jobs, etc.. Just to give her something to do and some way to earn.

Saving that, maybe ship her out somewhere with a burgeoning Joo presence? Seems like Chicago isn't working out for her that well.

Also, how can you become a rabbi without being involved in a synagogue?

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I'd never get her involved in where I work. I helped her, about 15 years ago, get an appartment with a friend of mine as the landlord and she screwed over my friend and made me look bad, so I know she doens't respect things like that. but in general she is lazy and doesnt' really have skills that could be used in my workplace.

HRoi said:

^ if she's not reliable or has an attitude problem, her fails will **** up globe's hard earned reputation. Which is a serious problem unless globe owns the company (and even then it's a problem)

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exactly

VinnyMac said:

Is she your stepsister or something? Did you grow up in separate households? Were you molested as a child? I've never heard a man speak with such disdain for his sister.

She's made it to 50, and if she's satisfied with wear she is, then I don't see what the problem is. She's obviously not needy enough to stop being a "*****," so maybe you should stop judging, and let her be.

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no, not really, no, you obivously haven't read my previous posts about my sister

unfrotunatly, she isn't satisfied with where she is, but, yes, she isn't needy enough to stop being a *****. and she is getting money from my mother, who is getting money from me, so I need to find a way to get her off the family dole.

Master-Classter said:

As Jesus would say, turn the other cheek. Considering she's a bum, makes sense non?


Honestly GT, I think you're 'doing the right thing' and I understand your position. We never really should give up hope. I guess the question for me is, is SHE unhappy with where she's at and how she's living? You can take a horse to water... is it just that she isn't living the way YOU think she should? You said she's looking for a job, why? find her motivation/reward and focus on using that to get her in a better position.

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she is unhappy. I was hoping that this present situation would be enough to drive her to seek help but it hasn't been yet.

I would avoid letting her get involved too much in your own business or lending money etc as people have said. Maybe see if she can find a role in the community? I know a lot of the chasidics and people who grow up in those environments are socially sheltered and ultimately only find acceptance within those circles. Maybe you can ask the local shul to offer her something like helping there or at a hebrew school or for one of the charities, etc.


and I'll just drop this in here. sounds cliche maybe but it seems to me to be the most basic premise of behaviour. Covey - if you keep doing what you've been doing you'll keep getting what you've been getting. Ie if she takes the same attitude/beliefs/approach, she'll have the same results. Explain that to her, ask her to evaluate her results, then the behaviours that caused them, then the thoughts/feelings/attitude that expressed as those behaviours, and give her suggestions for more productive thoughts or behaviours and tell her to go try those. Make her admit that what she's been doing hasn't really been working. And if she thinks it has been working then she won't change what she's doing. And if she blames everything/everyone else, tell her that and tell her she needs to start taking responsibility for the results of her life.


eh, just a ramble. hopefully there's something useful in there.

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thanks -

I had told my wife that when my sister got out of this present job search I would fly out and have a talk with her about attitude in general and what I think would help her keep her next job, but I didn't want to do it while she was searching so as not to put her out of focus on the job search or chop up her confidence. but since this search isn't going well I did send her an email with an offer to pay for a career coach if she would commit to working with one and taking it seriously. I don't know if there is anything more that I can do for her.


anyway, thanks Gentlemen

Family is family, there is no choice. I'm supporting my own father, and I'm earning the kind of money and working in the type of job that leads nowhere. But at the end of the day, I think it's worth it.

I would suggest getting her enrolled in some sort of trade, minor computer skills, or something hands on and light(Baking?). Steady employment is all that's needed to survive. If she can support herself day to day, it becomes a lot easier to help in larger ways.



GreenFrog said:

Honestly, it sounds like she has a lot of underlying issues that need to be aired out with a therapist.

50 years-old and the inability to hold a job for more than two years? Yeah.. that doesn't just happen without some deep-seated issues and faulty thinking processes..

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