21st century women can be difficult

BlackShoes · May 7, 2011

Pro tip; looking after a baby is not a fully engaging activity. Women for generations managed to simultaneously look after babies, clean the house and cook their husband a meal, even without all our modern labour saving devices. You sound like you are being taken for a ride.

I would correct the situation quickly, a non working wife will pwn you in divorce court, which would seem the natural place for this to end up.

Dibidoolandas · May 7, 2011

Originally Posted by BlackShoes

Pro tip; looking after a baby is not a fully engaging activity. Women for generations managed to simultaneously look after babies, clean the house and cook their husband a meal, even without all our modern labour saving devices. You sound like you are being taken for a ride.

I would correct the situation quickly, a non working wife will pwn you in divorce court, which would seem the natural place for this to end up.

I agree. In the natural world, females have to care for their young often without the help of a male all the while looking for food for the both of them and avoiding being killed by any number of hazards.

That being said, how old is the baby? PPD is a possibility... Otherwise I would treat the subject gently and maybe think about going to a marriage counselor who could talk about the subject without seeming like he's attacking her (or you for that matter).

gwolf · May 7, 2011

i thought this thread was going to be about dating single moms w/ 2 kids...

wasn't january jones' character in mad men like that?

MrG · May 7, 2011

Add me to the list of people who think your situation is a little ridiculous. As someone alluded to above, it sound to me more like laziness than progressiveness. Basically, you're both working during the day, you at the office, she with the baby, but she expects you to take over her job when you get home. That's completely unfair.

The above said, she probably sorely needs some time without the baby. You might be able to get her to compromise a bit more if you came up with a way for her to get some time to herself, even if it's just a few hours on Saturday afternoon.

Carlisle Blues · May 7, 2011

It is a sucky situation for both of you. Perhaps Postpartum Depression has reared it's ugly head. take a look at your relationship prior to the baby and you my get some answers. I do not beleive in this 21st cen woman crap. This is the relationship style you both have chosen she is exerting her will here. You have the option to exert yours.

I will say this. Being the primary caretaker of a new born, cooking, shopping, climbing on roofs, earning a full time paycheck and doing all sorts of stuff traditionally done by both sexes leads to a living hell....

BP348 · May 7, 2011

Your wife is spoiled and you need to have a serious talk with her and the sooner the better.

I happen to agree with everyone else if you have a house keeper and she doesn't cook what does she do all day? Sounds like you're getting the crappy end of the stick. She's not modern she's just being lazy.

Your wife is choosing to stay home and be a full time Mom, she has the option of going back to work and the child can go to day care. Or she can start pulling her own weight and start doing things for the family. I know several women who cook, clean, and take care of multiple children. They're pulling their own weight plus some your wife on the other hand isn't doing a 1/4 of the work that these other woman do. Might be harsh but it's the truth.

Gus · May 7, 2011

Originally Posted by BP348

Your wife is spoiled and you need to have a serious talk with her and the sooner the better.

+1, Boy, this was my first thought after reading the OP. It won't be a pleasant conversation and it may be cold around the house for a long while, but if you don't clearly express your expectations then don't ever assume she will just wake up one day and change.

Plus, you can't go around with all of this inside. You will get resentful and the relationship will begin to break down in other areas. Better to deal with the main issue directly and get it out on the table.

The reality is that it might not change. But you need to express what needs and expectations you have for the relationship. Otherwise, why shouldn't she continue on the way she is????

willpower · May 7, 2011

Progressives still make dinner.

Speaking of progressive, start asking her to do small things and slowly build her up to bigger requests. There's still a primal drive for chicks to be led.

Gibonius · May 7, 2011

My wife and I are both "progressive," but we understand that if either of us is staying home, we'd be expected to do the lion's share of cooking, cleaning, etc.

To wit, currently my wife is working 60-70 hours finishing up her PhD. I work maybe 30 hours a week (and earn more money, but that's irrelevant). I do most all the cooking, we split cleaning depending on how much she can deal with each week. Last year, I was the one working crazy hours, and she picked up the slack. It's a partnership, not a duel over social conventions of gender roles.

It sounds like the OP's wife hasn't really rectified the differences between her actions (basically a housewife) with her "progressive" philosophy, and is left without an equal role in the partnership of the marriage.

nahneun · May 7, 2011

smack the ***** and tell her to go make you a sandwich (8)

Carlisle Blues · May 7, 2011

Originally Posted by Gibonius

My wife and I are both "progressive," but we understand that if either of us is staying home, we'd be expected to do the lion's share of cooking, cleaning, etc. To wit, currently my wife is working 60-70 hours finishing up her PhD. I work maybe 30 hours a week (and earn more money, but that's irrelevant). I do most all the cooking, we split cleaning depending on how much she can deal with each week. Last year, I was the one working crazy hours, and she picked up the slack. It's a partnership, not a duel over social conventions of gender roles. It sounds like the OP's wife hasn't really rectified the differences between her actions (basically a housewife) with her "progressive" philosophy, and is left without an equal role in the partnership of the marriage.
I like the way you both work....do you have kids?

Rambo · May 7, 2011

You're getting taken to the cleaners bub.

Gibonius · May 7, 2011

Originally Posted by Carlisle Blues

I like the way you both work....do you have kids?

Not yet, no. We really haven't figured out how we'll deal with that, if one of us will stay home, if we'll do day-care, etc.

ConcernedParent · May 7, 2011

Uhhh... wouldn't a "progressive" woman be working?

munchausen · May 7, 2011

Originally Posted by texas_jack

Wait, your wife doesn't work but doesn't cook or clean? WTF is she doing all day? However, you marred her so tough ******* for you.

Seriously, dude needs a divorce.

21st century women can be difficult

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