family intervention

FidelCashflow · May 19, 2010

Originally Posted by Nereis

If you want to help her, take the hard line and tell her to get her life together before its too late.

It sounds like he's done that for years with no success. You can't really force people to change drastically unless you change their circumstances drastically. He could yell at her until he's blue in the face, but if she goes home, goes to sleep, and wakes up the next morning in the exact same place she was in yesterday morning, it's highly unlikely she'll change anything.

zissou · May 19, 2010

Originally Posted by taxgenius69

Reminds me of the Simpsons episiode were Homer became obese so he could stay home on disability leave.
This is basically what my Mom did about 15 years ago (at age 50) and hasn't done a thing with her life since.

Originally Posted by GQgeek

On another note, for years I have tried to get my mother to see herself the way others see her and to change her behavior accordingly, with almost no success. I've tried tough love, being nice, being totally blunt and objective with her, and none of it works. Sometimes she nods her head or concedes a point, but she never changes her behavior and she continues to be her worst enemy. She's too set in her ways. This is the problem with many older people. No matter how hard you try, they won't change.
I'm in a very similar boat with my Mom, who has always just wanted someone to take care of her. As a result, she hasn't taken care of herself and is now 63, but acts more like she's 83. It's pretty sad to see, and I've tried helping her, but she just eventually gets upset and won't talk to anyone who is trying to 'change her'. The best thing I can do at this point is use her situation to positively inspire myself and my daughter to live active, healthy lives.

thekunk07 · May 19, 2010

i am in the role of parenting my mom and we are preparing to do a behavioral intervention this weekend.

globetrotter · May 19, 2010

Originally Posted by thekunk07

i am in the role of parenting my mom and we are preparing to do a behavioral intervention this weekend.

good luck with that.

I've given up on my mom, I figure let her live out what she has left in peace, she is 78 and I never thought that she would live this long.

I am sort of hoping that my siter could have a couple of decades of reasonable life left. who knows

FLMountainMan · May 19, 2010

You're a good brother. I hope this works out for both of you.

texas_jack · May 19, 2010

Originally Posted by Piobaire

If she if that fat I think her best bet would be launch some sort of ADA suit against her current employer. If that fails, get her a good disability lawyer and she will probably never have to work again.

Always on message I see. Classy

JayJay · May 19, 2010

Originally Posted by FLMountainMan

You're a good brother. I hope this works out for both of you.
+1. All the best to you and your sister, globe.

Matt · May 19, 2010

sorry Zach, can't be done.

She's a grown up, you're a grown up. Your lives have gone different ways, and you don't approve of hers. She probably does not approve of yours either dude. Yours may happen to conform to societal norms a little better, but I am sure she has her gripes too.

Accept that you're different people, acknowledge that she is a **** up, in no way condone or support it, and get on with your ****. She's still your sister....doesn't mean you have to like her though.

globetrotter · May 19, 2010

Originally Posted by Matt

sorry Zach, can't be done.

She's a grown up, you're a grown up. Your lives have gone different ways, and you don't approve of hers. She probably does not approve of yours either dude. Yours may happen to conform to societal norms a little better, but I am sure she has her gripes too.

Accept that you're different people, acknowledge that she is a **** up, in no way condone or support it, and get on with your ****. She's still your sister....doesn't mean you have to like her though.

yeah, I hear you. I know that she doesn't like or approve of me, but such is life. I am just really sure that in a few years I am going to be speaking at her funeral and feeling sorry that I didn't do more.

but, such is life.

Piobaire · May 19, 2010

Originally Posted by texas_jack

Always on message I see. Classy

On a practical level, where am I incorrect? GT is a stand up guy, hoping he can change his sister. I'm not the only one here with doubts that this is possible, given her long term choices. His biggest practical concern seems to be a continuing source of income for her. I think my suggestions make sense, in 2010 USA.

philosophe · May 19, 2010

Originally Posted by globetrotter

yeah, I hear you. I know that she doesn't like or approve of me, but such is life. I am just really sure that in a few years I am going to be speaking at her funeral and feeling sorry that I didn't do more.

but, such is life.

To me, it sounds like there is very little you "can" do. Were you omnipotent, perhaps you could change her life, and of course as her brother, you feel responsible for her, but you are not omnipotent. The sad truth is that some experiences and pathologies overwhelm even our best efforts.

thekunk07 · May 19, 2010

i would but mine is 57 and I have a 16 year old sister about whom I am worried.

Originally Posted by globetrotter

good luck with that.

I've given up on my mom, I figure let her live out what she has left in peace, she is 78 and I never thought that she would live this long.

I am sort of hoping that my siter could have a couple of decades of reasonable life left. who knows

globetrotter · May 19, 2010

Originally Posted by thekunk07

i would but mine is 57 and I have a 16 year old sister about whom I am worried.

that makes sense for you, of course. if my mom were younger I'd try to change her life, too. I've given up on her

globetrotter · May 19, 2010

Originally Posted by Piobaire

On a practical level, where am I incorrect? GT is a stand up guy, hoping he can change his sister. I'm not the only one here with doubts that this is possible, given her long term choices. His biggest practical concern seems to be a continuing source of income for her. I think my suggestions make sense, in 2010 USA.

actually, yes, this makes sense. I tried to get her to work on her weight 20 years ago, with the message that she would have a happier life. now, I am really only concerned with her ability to provide for herself until she dies. I think that her weight, her attitude towards her work, her attitude in general towards life, all contribute towards a disaster that will result in her not being able to support herself.

GQgeek · May 19, 2010

Originally Posted by philosophe

To me, it sounds like there is very little you "can" do. Were you omnipotent, perhaps you could change her life, and of course as her brother, you feel responsible for her, but you are not omnipotent. The sad truth is that some experiences and pathologies overwhelm even our best efforts.

I am omnipotent and I still failed. However, if GT wishes, he could pour the proper libation and I will do my best. An '82 Petrus should provide the motivation to divert my attention from the fun I've been having with volcanoes and earthquakes recently.

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