on your nature, and fighting/embracing your nature

[Thomas]

^^^ wow.

Okay: I have another. Mom puts every decoration out for display at all times. The house is cluttered and messy, even when they 'clean'. So my folks go to Hawaii for a couple of weeks and a friend of my mom's comes to house-sit and walk the dog each night. Said friend decided to tidy up, and Mrs. Thomas and I trundle over to help out. We cleared and boxed up a ton of crap and turned the house into the 'after' shot in Changing Rooms (or whatever they call it). I took refrigerator duty and threw out all the 11-year-old jars of jelly and packets of ketchup that littered the refrigerator.

Folks got home, and what does mom do? Bitches out her friend for throwing away the ketchup packets and drops the friendship. I told her I threw out the ketchup, and gave her her very own bottle that Christmas.

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by thekunk07

^zach, my mother in law told us this during her last visit:

"it worked out well that you two were away during your anniversary because i wouldn;t have watched the kids so you could celebrate your sham wedding. you were knocked up for chrissakes."

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by Thomas

^^^ wow.

Okay: I have another. Mom puts every decoration out for display at all times. The house is cluttered and messy, even when they 'clean'. So my folks go to Hawaii for a couple of weeks and a friend of my mom's comes to house-sit and walk the dog each night. Said friend decided to tidy up, and Mrs. Thomas and I trundle over to help out. We cleared and boxed up a ton of crap and turned the house into the 'after' shot in Changing Rooms (or whatever they call it). I took refrigerator duty and threw out all the 11-year-old jars of jelly and packets of ketchup that littered the refrigerator.

Folks got home, and what does mom do? Bitches out her friend for throwing away the ketchup packets and drops the friendship. I told her I threw out the ketchup, and gave her her very own bottle that Christmas.

yeah, I could go on with more stories. while I enjoy laughing at my mother in law, I really feel bad for my mother. I honestly don't know if she was always such a pain **********, or if it is directly connected to her getting older. but she is a very bitter old lady.

 

[Rambo]

Someone really needs to start a thread for these.

 

[LA Guy]

Geez, you guys have terrible mothers. My mom is pretty nice and supportive. Bossy, but you sort of expect that from an older Chinese lady. My grandmother is nice too. Perhaps less bossy. I wonder if it's not because in Western culture, the elderly don't have authority, while in a pretty traditional Chinese culture, they are the head of households, regardless of the age of their children and grandchildren.

My grandmother (age 83 - lives in Canada, speaks about 20 words of English, and happy as clam) is the matriarch of the family. She doesn't need to throw her weight around or deal with her impotence because, well, she has absolute control of the family. She has the last word. She doesn't need to explain herself to any of her children or grandchildren, and absolute obedience is expected and given. My mother is the same, and as the wife of the oldest son, she is the de facto head. If she says that everyone will be home for Christmas, it's going to happen. You can plead your case (kids, expense, etc..., but the final decision is hers.) If she says brother number 2 needs to loan brother number 3 money for a house downpayment, brother number 2 needs to get that check in the mail, pronto (all property is considered family property, and thus commanded by the head of household). Of course, she is expected to make her decisions based on the good of the family. I guess that it is just a different kind of social contract.

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by LA Guy

Geez, you guys have terrible mothers. My mom is pretty nice and supportive. Bossy, but you sort of expect that from an older Chinese lady. My grandmother is nice too. Perhaps less bossy. I wonder if it's not because in Western culture, the elderly don't have authority, while in a pretty traditional Chinese culture, they are the head of households, regardless of the age of their children and grandchildren.

My grandmother (age 83 - lives in Canada, speaks about 20 words of English, and happy as clam) is the matriarch of the family. She doesn't need to throw her weight around or deal with her impotence because, well, she has absolute control of the family. She has the last word. She doesn't need to explain herself to any of her children or grandchildren, and absolute obedience is expected and given. My mother is the same, and as the wife of the oldest son, she is the de facto head. If she says that everyone will be home for Christmas, it's going to happen. You can plead your case (kids, expense, etc..., but the final decision is hers.) If she says brother number 2 needs to loan brother number 3 money for a house downpayment, brother number 2 needs to get that check in the mail, pronto (all property is considered family property, and thus commanded by the head of household). Of course, she is expected to make her decisions based on the good of the family. I guess that it is just a different kind of social contract.

yes, but the problem comes when you marry outside of the group, or when one of the grandchildren gets too socialized outside the group - the next generation paid their dues but never gets to have the same authority. my mother in law expects to be treated like that, but isn't and it kills her.


I have to say, though, I don't think that my mother is so bad - here's the thing: for what ever reason she has gotten to the point in life that her life revolves around getting people to do things for her, mostly drive her around. I really think that it is a form of craziness that is related to here age. she had a tough life and now she is old and sick, and she has no control over her life and surroundings anymore, pretty much. the way it manifests itself is in this whole bullshit about pushign people around. not very pleasant but she isn't going to be around much longer.