How do you deal with a self-conscious woman?

[Jacksdad]

Sad to say but my wife is a little self-conscious, and as a resulthas no idea how to dress. The ironic thing is that she used to work at Saks and dressed up all the time. Now she is in the medical field and wears scrubs all day.

She uses money as an excuse as to why she doesn't purchase clothing, but that really isn't the problem. I gave her $350 in gift cards to a department store, and in 3 trips she has purchased $50 worth of t-shirts. The honest truth is that I think she is self-conscious and as a result is afraid of putting together outfits that will look good on her. She is afraid of how she will be judged is my guess.

I have tried to purchase clothing for her, compliment her etc etc but nothing seems to work. I really think this self-conscious thing is really holding her back from being the confident person she should be.

Anyone else have a similar issue?

 

[Aperipan]

Originally Posted by Jacksdad

Sad to say but my wife is a little self-conscious, and as a resulthas no idea how to dress. The ironic thing is that she used to work at Saks and dressed up all the time. Now she is in the medical field and wears scrubs all day.

She uses money as an excuse as to why she doesn't purchase clothing, but that really isn't the problem. I gave her $350 in gift cards to a department store, and in 3 trips she has purchased $50 worth of t-shirts. The honest truth is that I think she is self-conscious and as a result is afraid of putting together outfits that will look good on her. She is afraid of how she will be judged is my guess.

I have tried to purchase clothing for her, compliment her etc etc but nothing seems to work. I really think this self-conscious thing is really holding her back from being the confident person she should be.

Anyone else have a similar issue?

If her life revolves around working with patients, then I don't see the point in looking nice either. Besides, the last thing you want is for her to attract the attention of a bachelor neurosurgeon.

 

[Jacksdad]

Originally Posted by Aperipan

If her life revolves around working with patients, then I don't see the point in looking nice either. Besides, the last thing you want is for her to attract the attention of a bachelor neurosurgeon.

point well taken. I used to work with her and I know she would get hit on all the time. In fact I'm pretty sure she still does. She has told me before that sometimes when she has young male patients, and it comes time for them to disrobe so to speak they tend to tense up a bit.

I still would like her to be able to dress up a bit on weekends when we go out. It's uncomfortable for me because I can put an acceptable outfit together in 2 minutes, when it takes her an hour to go through her closet and only come up with the same thing she's worn a hundred other times.

I feel bad for her. There's no good reason why a pretty girl should feel so self conscious.

 

[Aperipan]

Originally Posted by Jacksdad

point well taken. I used to work with her and I know she would get hit on all the time. In fact I'm pretty sure she still does. She has told me before that sometimes when she has young male patients, and it comes time for them to disrobe so to speak they tend to tense up a bit.

I still would like her to be able to dress up a bit on weekends when we go out. It's uncomfortable for me because I can put an acceptable outfit together in 2 minutes, when it takes her an hour to go through her closet and only come up with the same thing she's worn a hundred other times.

I feel bad for her. There's no good reason why a pretty girl should feel so self conscious.

Not sure what you mean by "self-conscious". Do you mean she has the means and perhaps knowledge to buy the clothes that would enhance her appearance but won't because she is afraid what others might think? My GF dresses like a sl@t and she is still self conscious of what others think of her. Is your wife like really fat? I don't understand.

 

[ysc]

A lot of medical professionals feel they have more important things to do than getting dressed - and they might be right, certainly a lot of the more hands on medical jobs make more expensive/interesting clothing a bad idea.
If she is very self-conscious about her appearance, to the extent that it has changed her behaviour - is it possible she has taken a knock to her self confidence in this regard? If this is the case maybe forget about trying to get her to dress "better" and focus on the self confidence thing, the underlying cause of the change in behaviour.

 

[Zenny]

pee in her butt

 

[philosophe]

Do you ever take her shopping? Also, perhaps you could scope out a nice boutique or some selections at a dept store in advance. My other half finds the sheer volume of stuff at dept stores discouraging. If you have a good eye, you can cut through the selection to find what's worth looking at seriously. Finally, engaging a personal shopper or finding a really good sales associate might help.

 

[Joffrey]

Originally Posted by Jacksdad

point well taken. I used to work with her and I know she would get hit on all the time. In fact I'm pretty sure she still does. She has told me before that sometimes when she has young male patients, and it comes time for them to disrobe so to speak they tend to tense up a bit.

I still would like her to be able to dress up a bit on weekends when we go out. It's uncomfortable for me because I can put an acceptable outfit together in 2 minutes, when it takes her an hour to go through her closet and only come up with the same thing she's worn a hundred other times.

I feel bad for her. There's no good reason why a pretty girl should feel so self conscious.

It sounds like her self confidence is down or she's depressed, or barring those two, maybe she's so comfortable with you she sees no reason to dress up anymore.

 

[Jacksdad]

Originally Posted by Aperipan

Not sure what you mean by "self-conscious". Do you mean she has the means and perhaps knowledge to buy the clothes that would enhance her appearance but won't because she is afraid what others might think? My GF dresses like a sl@t and she is still self conscious of what others think of her. Is your wife like really fat? I don't understand.

Correct, she has the means but perhaps not the knowledge to look her best. I really don't think she knows how to put outfits together. Her closet consists of mostly white, black and grey colors because those are easy colors to make an outfit with.
Perhaps it's two issues I am dealing with that coincide with each other. Her lack of self confidence leads to her being afraid of putting outfits together. Fortunately she isn't "fat" or anything like that. She's an average build 5'6 125pds.

 

[Jacksdad]

Originally Posted by philosophe

Do you ever take her shopping? Also, perhaps you could scope out a nice boutique or some selections at a dept store in advance. My other half finds the sheer volume of stuff at dept stores discouraging. If you have a good eye, you can cut through the selection to find what's worth looking at seriously. Finally, engaging a personal shopper or finding a really good sales associate might help.

I think my wife is the same way. She is completely intimidated by all the merchandise in stores. I would also say that 75% of her outfits were purchased by me. I pretty much loaded up her closet this year with jeans, shirts, sweaters, and shoes. The problem is that I may bring home 20 items, and of those 20 only 1 or 2 items stick. No matter how much I tell her how great some of these things look, she doesn't want to believe me.

 

[JesseJB]

I'm in the same boat as you guys. It just takes time, I think. Compliment and show her more attention when she wears something that looks good. This sounds bad, but throw in a dash of uninterestedness when she dresses badly. Its a weird way of conditioning but it works.

Also, plan some nights out or attend parties where she would need to dress up.

The main problem with all this is that I think we're at a point in history where men have stepped up their style past the ladies. I think women have generally lost the art of dressing up. Maybe Im wrong, but its a weird point in time where guys are online perfecting their 1/2 inch shirt cuffs, wondering what they should cook their dates for dinner to impress them because the girl's can't cook, while the girls are running around in scrubs waiting for their boyfriends to show them how to dress themselves.

 

[philosophe]

Originally Posted by Jacksdad

I think my wife is the same way. She is completely intimidated by all the merchandise in stores. I would also say that 75% of her outfits were purchased by me. I pretty much loaded up her closet this year with jeans, shirts, sweaters, and shoes. The problem is that I may bring home 20 items, and of those 20 only 1 or 2 items stick. No matter how much I tell her how great some of these things look, she doesn't want to believe me.

I think a helpful female sales associate would help here. Women need their clothes to be blessed by other women, not just the men in their lives.

What does your SO like to wear? You could start by upgrading to nicer versions of what she likes. It would be a way to branch out. She will get used to nicer fabrics and feel, better fit, etc. This worked in our house. Changing the color palette may take more work, but the minimalist palette in nice materials would be an improvement.

Also, does she like shoes? If so, make sure that you incorporate shoe shopping into your plan. or a new purse or whatever. I have one friend who started with luxury socks and has gone on from there to nicer accessories and clothes.

 

[Al-Wahid]

I was under the impression that all women were self-conscious to one degree or another. I have yet to meet one in any capacity that wouldn't fall into that category.

 

[Jacksdad]

Originally Posted by philosophe

I think a helpful female sales associate would help here. Women need their clothes to be blessed by other women, not just the men in their lives. What does your SO like to wear? You could start by upgrading to nicer versions of what she likes. It would be a way to branch out. She will get used to nicer fabrics and feel, better fit, etc. This worked in our house. Changing the color palette may take more work, but the minimalist palette in nice materials would be an improvement. Also, does she like shoes? If so, make sure that you incorporate shoe shopping into your plan. or a new purse or whatever. I have one friend who started with luxury socks and has gone on from there to nicer accessories and clothes.
Thanks, that's a good tip. My wife is not flashy and in fact we have polar opposite shopping styles. I buy quality over quantity and she would prefer spending her money at target or old navy. I have purchased her expensive handbags in the past, and she will only use the ones that don't have loud monikers that scream "look at me". Just yesterday I came across a great sale at Filene's and purchased her 3 pairs of Kiton sandals and heels (who knew they had a women's collection)

She actually likes them and they are a little colorful. By the way, I think I am tired of women wearing Juicy Couture outfits. With that whole craze I think women have lost touch with what it means to dress well.

 

[antirabbit]

Send her to a spa with a friend or two that might encourge her, after this, take them out for drinks, then go shopping...your $350.00 gift card will evaporate.