Being well dressed and mannered when family isn't as much

[ProfessorShak]

A previous thread discussed dressing well even outside of work. While discussing that with my wife another issue came out that touches on something deeper, a display status.

To me, regardless of how much money you have or what you're background is, being appropriatley dressed and well mannered is inexcuseable. Clothes should fit and flatter you and you can still express your unique personallity. You shouldn't lower your standards just to fit in and that includes behavior.

Not to get into details but my family sees me as a bit pretentious by the way I act and dress. Even wearing a sport jacket and jeans is considered "dressed up" I was raised in NYC and learned a lot while working at prestigious country clubs and dining halls. My cultural background isn't quite the same, and while I love them they act and dress somewhat primative. Me behaving and dressing the way I do apparantly insults them and their ways, making it seem as if I'm better than them, which isn't my intention.

So what does one do when it seems that the community you're brought up in doesn't fit with your personality. I know there is plenty of this going around but I personally don't know many who could guide me in this.

 

[ismelllikepoop]

your posts smacks of you thinking you are better than your family.

 

[SuitMyself]

Originally Posted by ProfessorShak

A previous thread discussed dressing well even outside of work. While discussing that with my wife another issue came out that touches on something deeper, a display status.

To me, regardless of how much money you have or what you're background is, being appropriatley dressed and well mannered is inexcuseable. Clothes should fit and flatter you and you can still express your unique personallity. You shouldn't lower your standards just to fit in and that includes behavior.

Not to get into details but my family sees me as a bit pretentious by the way I act and dress. Even wearing a sport jacket and jeans is considered "dressed up" I was raised in NYC and learned a lot while working at prestigious country clubs and dining halls. My cultural background isn't quite the same, and while I love them they act and dress somewhat primative. Me behaving and dressing the way I do apparantly insults them and their ways, making it seem as if I'm better than them, which isn't my intention.

So what does one do when it seems that the community you're brought up in doesn't fit with your personality. I know there is plenty of this going around but I personally don't know many who could guide me in this.

Why is it inexcusable to be appropriately dressed and well-mannered?

 

[Svenn]

I think the ethos outside big cities is that dressing well outside of work has no purpose because no one sees you except for the immediate circle you're hanging out with... whereas in packed NYC like a hundred people probably glance in your direction when you just go to the store and back. If your family is having a backyard grill, there's no reason, and it is pretentious, to show up in new england lounge attire while they're in sweatpants. Mind you I'm in a town of 1500 people hours away from even a walmart, so I know how it is. Don't be like the others on this forum who force their extravagant dressings on others in inappropriate circumstances.

 

[nahneun]

You should also be aware of your social circumstances and surroundings. Would you wear a suit to the gym? To a backyard grill on a hot summer afternoon where everyone else is in tees, shorts, and flip flops?

 

[bowtielover]

I have to say I completley agree with you, I though I was alone in this till you came along. Now a dyas it seems most peopel would consider a polo and kahkis dressed up and for me I don'r even dress that casualy ever. Casual to me is a button up and slacks, not dressed up at all. People have also seemed to have lost their maners as well, not as curtious as I rememebr in my youth. I can't explain how things how gotten this way, but they have. I can only continue to be the man I am and hope for the best in others. It is a very comforting though to know there are men like you other there. For me I had to change churches to find a better dressing one, and haev just learned to not let what others say bother me. I am not going to let someone elses comments get in the way of me dressing or acting the way I want. You shouldn't let it either, if they can't love and respect you for who you are there not worth your time.

 

[BillyMaysHere!]

In This Thread: Pretentious, vacant and arrogant young newbs demonstrating how out of place they are inside AND outside of the internet, society and life in general.

 

[Nicola]

Originally Posted by ProfessorShak

To me, regardless of how much money you have or what you're background is, being appropriatley dressed and well mannered is inexcuseable. Clothes should fit and flatter you and you can still express your unique personallity. You shouldn't lower your standards just to fit in and that includes behavior.

. Me behaving and dressing the way I do apparantly insults them and their ways, making it seem as if I'm better than them, which isn't my intention.

.


If you're insulting them how is that well mannered?

Years ago QE II was having a state dinner with some yokels who started to drink the soup out of the bowl. So she did the same so they wouldn't look like yokels.

If you're making people feel or look out of place you aren't well mannered.

 

[holymadness]

Originally Posted by BillyMaysHere!

In This Thread: Pretentious, vacant and arrogant young newbs demonstrating how out of place they are inside AND outside of the internet, society and life in general.

That avatar fuckin rocks.

 

[apropos]

Originally Posted by ismelllikepoop

your posts smacks of you thinking you are better than your family.
Perhaps he is. Nothing wrong with that. I don't think anyone should be held back by the limits others set for themselves, family or not.

Originally Posted by Nicola

If you're insulting them how is that well mannered?
If they are true, they aren't necessarily insults.

 

[Blackhood]

Originally Posted by apropos

If they are true, they aren't insults.
The difference between intrinsic manners and those taught by schools/families; a true gentleman would consider a hurtful truth just as improper to deliver. I've always found it a much better measure of a man to look at how he treats those who are clearly less educated/privileged/successful. Two thing that I believe helped me find a balance: Fagging at school. You work as a servant for two years and then in your final year to have younger students as servants. It teaches you both end of a superiority/inferiority balance. Digging trenches and laying bricks at a builders firm. No amount of Latin or number of caviar spoons can buy back the sweat you loose doing real work. OP may think he is better than his family, but I suspect he may not have earned his superiority.

 

[voxsartoria]

Originally Posted by Svenn

Don't be like the others on this forum who force their extravagant dressings on others in inappropriate circumstances.

- B

 

[voxsartoria]

Originally Posted by Blackhood

Digging trenches and laying bricks at a builders firm. No amount of Latin or number of caviar spoons can buy back the sweat you loose doing real work.

Depends on what you use to dig the trench. If you use a caviar spoon, the work is both far more difficult and yet more effete.

Oh: and right on about the fagging. I've suggested this many times to the moderators of this forvm.


- B

 

[apropos]

Originally Posted by Blackhood

I've always found it a much better measure of a man to look at how he treats those who are clearly less educated/privileged/successful.
Would said man's magnanimity extend to those who remain limited by choice?

Originally Posted by Blackhood

Fagging at school. You work as a servant for two years and then in your final year to have younger students as servants. It teaches you both end of a superiority/inferiority balance.
I would wager that while a good idea in theory, I am sure that the reality is hardly as rosy and that there are more than a few 'servants' who cannot wait to get to senior year to bestow the abuse they received on their servants.

 

[voxsartoria]

Originally Posted by Svenn

Mind you I'm in a town of 1500 people hours away from even a walmart, so I know how it is.

The boys and I chipped in, so here you go:

iammatt runs a safe house in 'Frisco...PM Senior Member kwilk for details on how it works.


- B