Being well dressed and mannered when family isn't as much

[Brennus]

Originally Posted by MrG

They're my family; they love me and I love them. They're also quite proud of me, given I'm the one who has reached a relative level of success that most of my family hasn't. Every little joke I get for being the smart one, or the dressed-up one, comes bundled with the fact that they're really proud of what I've done. Every time a member of that side of the family introduces me to someone, they include something about my accomplishments, and it makes me feel great.

A lot of my family behave like this as well. Most of my family are hippies who still live and dress like it is 1964. They make a bit of fun of me but underneath it is a tone of warmth,love and proudness.

however that is my family. Is it really that hard to believe that not all families or people are like that?
I would say there are at least as many people who act the way the OP suggests his family does as there are people who act like mine.

imho there are to many sneers directed at the OP suggesting it is his behavior that is wrong instead of the behavior of some of his family.

 

[Looch]

Originally Posted by Brennus

imho there are to many sneers directed at the OP suggesting it is his behavior that is wrong instead of the behavior of some of his family.

Testify!

 

[MrG]

Originally Posted by Brennus

A lot of my family behave like this as well. Most of my family are hippies who still live and dress like it is 1964. They make a bit of fun of me but underneath it is a tone of warmth,love and proudness.

however that is my family. Is it really that hard to believe that not all families or people are like that?
I would say there are at least as many people who act the way the OP suggests his family does as there are people who act like mine.

imho there are to many sneers directed at the OP suggesting it is his behavior that is wrong instead of the behavior of some of his family.

I understand your point, and I thought the same thing when I started reading the OP. I think it's a certainty that there are families out there that aren't like yours and mine, where the jokes are given with a supportive subtext. However, I think the OP dug his own hole, particularly with the following statement:

Originally Posted by ProfessorShak

My cultural background isn't quite the same, and while I love them they act and dress somewhat primative [sic].

I have trouble believing that his family is entirely to blame when he's willing to call them primative. Is his family partially to blame? Perhaps. But his post certainly makes it feel like he contributes to it.

 

[ProfessorShak]

Originally Posted by MrG

I have trouble believing that his family is entirely to blame when he's willing to call them primative. Is his family partially to blame? Perhaps. But his post certainly makes it feel like he contributes to it.

If you read the thread, I reminded that it wasn't me who used the word primative, and I also note the word "SOMEWHAT" but it stuck because it was the most fitting word. Again, and it could partially be due to lack of information, but you know very little of this community. MANY within the community agree with this observation, but are mostly those who grew up in the US.
As I said, I LOVE them. Family values are important to this community and top everything and that is the thing that we should hold onto, but now that we're in the US we should open up to ways of self-improvement in image and behavior. I'm bothered when I call someone and they respond with "What?" -- seriously.

 

[jobro]

Give your familiy the cold shoulder.

 

[JohnGalt]

OP: you obviously have your **** on lockdown. the next time you are in one of these situations with your family making comments, it should go down like this:

Hillbilly relative: Hey Mr. Rockefeller - oops - I mean ProfessorShak! You're dressed so fancy you make Pat Sajak look like a hobo!

ProfessorShak: I've had enough of your ****, STFU.

Repeat as necessary.

 

[RSS]

Originally Posted by GucciMonster

Does this mean I've lost everybody's respect?
I don't know you personally ... but given your avatar ... did you ever think had respect?

 

[BillyMaysHere!]

Originally Posted by RSS

I don't know you personally ... but given your avatar ... did you ever think had respect?

Maybe in SW&D.

 

[chenc]

Originally Posted by vincerich

I'll admit that I didn't read most of the posts here, but, from what I've read, it doesn't seem that he's talking about his "in-laws." His question was about dealing with a family background that is opposite of his personality. Maybe he misspoke, or maybe you misunderstood.
Wrong thread.

 

[JensenH]

Don't mind the haters here. As long as you treat your family with respect and not act condescendingly, dress the way you prefer. Self confidence is doing things one's own way regardless of how others perceive oneself.

BTW, love your avatar.

 

[RSS]

To the OP ... if your family is in sweats for their backyard grill ... you might get away wth khaki trousers and a linen shirt ... but anything more is going to be very out of place. And take care not to draw attention to what you are wearing ... especially the fact that you have elected to dress differently.

Originally Posted by Svenn

I think the ethos outside big cities is that dressing well outside of work has no purpose because no one sees you except for the immediate circle you're hanging out with... whereas in packed NYC like a hundred people probably glance in your direction when you just go to the store and back. If your family is having a backyard grill, there's no reason, and it is pretentious, to show up in new england lounge attire while they're in sweatpants. Mind you I'm in a town of 1500 people hours away from even a walmart, so I know how it is. Don't be like the others on this forum who force their extravagant dressings on others in inappropriate circumstances.
One, if a person dresses only for those who glance his direction -- be he in New York or Cooter Slough -- he is dressing for a poor reason.

Two, not all areas qualifying as "outside big city" are the same. Just because the "ethos" in your hamlet has residents putting little effort into how they dress because no one will see them ... or those with whom they "hang" also fail to put effort into how they dress ... well ... this doesn't mean everyone who lives in a small town or rural area lives this way.

Three, no one wears a New England lounge suit to a backyard grill because everyone -- including those in New England cities -- knows or should know that such attire is completely inappropriate for the occasion.

Four, I am, mind you, more than an hour's ride by boat (or short flight by float plane) from the nearest town of any consequence -- there is, in fact, no incorporated town on our island -- and yet most people here dress appropriately for the occasion. That means casual dress (i.e. cotton trousers, madras shirt, perhaps a linen coat or cotton sweater) when invited to a friend's home for a backyard grill. Sweats won't cut it ... not even amoung relatives.

As for the nearest Walmart ... I haven't a clue. I've never been to one. Now COSTCO ... that I can tell you; it's about an hour and ten minutes away.