• STYLE. COMMUNITY. GREAT CLOTHING.

    Bored of counting likes on social networks? At Styleforum, you’ll find rousing discussions that go beyond strings of emojis.

    Click Here to join Styleforum's thousands of style enthusiasts today!

A Hairy Situation

Execwolf

Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2005
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
Gentelmen:

I am new to this forum, but I have an issue with my professional appearance that I hope you can assisit with.

Without going into all the sordid, gothic details that could fill several novels, let me just get this fact out of the way: I am a werewolf...I am not ashamed of this by any means, but of course have to deal with society's pressures and prejudices. Now, if I was a construction worker or a day laborer this would not be a big deal...but I am an executive at a Fortune 500 corporation and as you can imagine, I have to balance a dignified, professional apprearance with the fact that I am frequently the victim of a random, furry transformation that makes me look rather, shall we say "not exactly the cover of GQ."

I am sure you can sympathise with my plight..imagine having to suit up and give a presentation and never knowing when you are going to start turning into a dog. I have been in the middle of a Power Point presentaion and POW, fur starts groing all over my person and starts shoving its way out of my tailored suits, as you can imagine it's not exactly what myself or my tailor had in mind...nor is it when I wind up going down on all fours and running around the office. So far my superiors have been relatively understanding about my handicap, but I can really feel the tension in the office...especially after my last transformation when I apparantly chased the receptionist all around the office while howling and marking my territory (so I am told, I black out when I am in wolf-form). So, I am trying to think of a few ways I can retian my dapper diginity in the inevitable event that I start to transform while at a business function. So far, my ideas are as follows:

1) I am trying to wear suits predominately in shades of grey, as my wolf fur is a Timberwolf-esque silver-grey...I think they should blend pretty nicely together.

2) I am starting to endeavor to make sure there is a bit of red in my tie or pocket square to match my red glowing eyes.

3) I am finding I have great luck with 3-piece suits, as it adds one extra layer to keep the fur contained (I just hate it when I am wearing a nice, crisp white shirt and the fur starts to poke out of the button holes on my torso).

4) I am trying to find a tailor who can make a slip-hole in the seats of my suit pants for my tail...I have ruined more pants from my wolf-tail expolding out of my rear end when I transform...And I hate having to go around the rest of the day with a hole in my pants once I transform back -- especially as I usually have to go around the office sheepishly apologising for having grown fur and a snout and howling in the middle of the work day.

5) I have now switched all of my barrel-cuffed shirts to French cuffs...this prevents strain around the wrists when my hands turn into giant paws. On the subject of extremities, I am also trying to find some well-constructed, office-appropriate shoes that can take the strain of my feet also turning into paws -- it is especially frustrating to invest in Italian shoes just to get holes in them from growing wolf nails at the ends of my toes.

Anything else you could suggest would be appreciated. Remember, werewolves are people too (even when they start growing canine appendages and start to bark).
 

faustian bargain

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2004
Messages
2,523
Reaction score
2
get a collar and leash, make sure they match your shoes.
 

bengal-stripe

Distinguished Member
Dubiously Honored
Joined
Mar 23, 2002
Messages
4,570
Reaction score
1,075
I believe you live on the East coast, so when you placed your posting here at 22.33 Pacific time, April fools day had already started in your part of the world.

Happy April 1st.

P.S. I would recommend Gucci, they have a lovely selection of stuff for pooches.
 

dorian

Senior Member
Joined
Jun 15, 2004
Messages
518
Reaction score
0
Yes, I look forward to knowing which regular poster wrote this... good effort...
 

A Harris

Distinguished Member
Dubiously Honored
Joined
Jan 6, 2003
Messages
4,582
Reaction score
19
I am trying to wear suits predominately in shades of grey... am also trying to find some well-constructed, office-appropriate shoes that can take the strain of my feet also turning into paws
Just make sure to buy black shoes, brown is for farmer.
 

johnw86

Senior Member
Joined
Sep 28, 2004
Messages
462
Reaction score
0
Wait--wasn't there a movie about this a while back? Oh yes, Jack Nicholson and all that...
 

Cliff

Senior Member
Joined
Mar 11, 2005
Messages
175
Reaction score
0
I recommend suits with a high content of lycra. The fit will stay with you throughout the transformation.
 

Demeter

Senior Member
Joined
Feb 7, 2005
Messages
229
Reaction score
4
I'd be more than willing to bet that it was Mr. Kabbaz that's behind this prank.

Unless the poster ISN'T from the east coast. That would mean we have a real were-clotheshorse in our midst.
 

von Rothbart

Distinguished Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2004
Messages
2,461
Reaction score
14
I feel your pain.

I thought the transformation only occurs after dusk during full moon. Are you telling us it happens in the middle of the day?

How and when did you acquire your current condition?

Do you have any heightened senses of smell, sight and sound while in human form? If yes, PM me. Our employer will pay top $$ for your ability.

Is it true that you are repelled by tiger or lion dunk and pee while in wolf form? If yes, I suggest your co-workers to stock up from local zoo. Put them in ziplock bag or spray bottle just in case.
 

Execwolf

Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2005
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
Actually, I have a variant of the condition that causes random transformations..though I am guaranteed to have it happen on the Full Moon as well. I actually wasn't bitten by a wolf, but cursed by an ex-girlfriend who put The Curse of the Werewolf on me to get back at me for dumping her for her roommate-what a bitch. Some chicks are so touchy.

It's a rotten way to have to live life...never knowing when you are going to go from an Ivy League trained, Brooks Brothers-wearing executive to a howling, mangy dog -- makes it kind of hard to plan the day and conduct business. But, until I can find a witch to lift this curse from me, if I have to be a werewolf, I will be the most dapper, well-tailored werewolf in town dammit. Thanks for all your helpful advice by the way...I was wondering if my leash and collar should match my shoes, now I know.
 

faustian bargain

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2004
Messages
2,523
Reaction score
2
I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fook's
Going to get a big dish of beef chow mein
Werewolves of London
If you hear him howling around your kitchen door
Better not let him in
Little old lady got mutilated late last night
Werewolves of London again
Werewolves of London
He's the hairy handed gent who ran amuck in Kent
Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair
Better stay away from him
He'll rip your lungs out, Jim
I'd like to meet his tailor
Werewolves of London
Well, I saw Lon Chaney walking with the Queen
Doing the werewolves of London
I saw Lon Chaney, Jr. walking with the Queen
Doing the werewolves of London
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's
His hair was perfect
Werewolves of London again
Draw blood
 

von Rothbart

Distinguished Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2004
Messages
2,461
Reaction score
14
You should consult with an employment lawyer to determine if your condition can be classified as disability under the American with Disability Act. I have a feeling you're protected under ADA.
 

Execwolf

Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2005
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
You should consult with an employment lawyer to determine if your condition can be classified as disability under the American with Disability Act. I have a feeling you're protected under ADA.
ADA? American with Dog Appendages?
 

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by

Featured Sponsor

How did Covid-19 impact your personal style?

  • My style hasn't changed at all.

  • My wardrobe hasn't changed but I am wearing casual clothes more often.

  • I invested in new good quality leisure and casual clothes.

  • I invested in new sartorial clothes taking advantage of the sales.

  • I purged my closet during quarantine and I have nothing left to wear.


Results are only viewable after voting.

Related Threads

Forum statistics

Threads
444,965
Messages
9,618,000
Members
201,044
Latest member
FastLane47578
Top