Why are women so complicated?

[HitMan009]

Hey Everyone, I would like to wish everyone Happy Holidays first and foremost.... I think this topic has been discussed before but I need some more perspective on the subject. Every guy I know and I am sure each one of you gentlemen encounters this in your life. If someone can honestly say that they never had girl problems, I would like to meet this person and shake his hand, finding out exactly how he does it. I don't understand why women do the things they do. Maybe women don't understand the things we do. It's funny there is this disconnect because it seems intrinsicly in all of us relatively sane people

, the goals in life are basically the same. That goal is to find fullfiling things in life to do and to share with someone. The road to that goal may have nothing in common with the next guy but it all seems to lead to the relatively same conclusion. Now I never been the most outgoing guy out there so I probably been lucky in that sense not to have as much girl problems as some of mine other friends had. In fact, in the whole scheme of things I think my problem right now is not that big of deal at all. What I would like to know is why there is such a disconnect between women and men? I don't think till my dying day I will ever figure out women but having more perspective would be a step in the right direction. Thus, it would be excellent to have not just us men's perspective but also a women's perspective. Thank You -HitMan009

 

[Roy]

I think we should not figure out how a woman thinks. We won't do it. I've heard Freud died miserable and alone

And he still didn't figure it out. Just figure out how to peacefully coexist and count your blessings

 

[globetrotter]

1. women think differently from men, for a variety of reasons (if you believe in science then there are good evelutionary reasons behind this). there are a great deal of good books that relate to this - the mars/venus series, some other good books available on amazon.

2. it is basically a market - you are looking for a partner with the highest possible "value", and so are the women. I think that the biggest problem men and women have is trying to find somebody with the right "value" - we each asses our own value as higher than the market might. in addition, to complicate things further, our value changes, and usually a woman's "value" in the market goes down at the same time ours goes up.

3. men and women are looking for different things, often. aside from the stereotypes of men looking for sex and women looking for security (not entierly removed from reality) men and women are often looking for very different objectives from an encounter, and do not feel comfortable discussing this directly.

 

[Fabienne]

As a French woman, I can tell you, for example, that I have more in common and feel more comfortable with a Frenchman, than I do with any American woman. I have more in common with someone of the same educational level.

It is culture, it is education, it is social background, etc, etc, etc. In other words, and I don't want to shut down this conversation, but I feel discussing the differences between men and women is really too confining.

I realize books will keep being written on this subject.
There are serious gender studies that are certainly worth reading. If only for the sake of our children.

What angers me is when people (men and women) define me or my behavior, or my anticipated behavior based on my gender, rather than simply seeing me as an individual, or asking a question and listening to my answer.

 

[HitMan009]

3. men and women are looking for different things, often. aside from the stereotypes of men looking for sex and women looking for security (not entierly removed from reality) men and women are often looking for very different objectives from an encounter, and do not feel comfortable discussing this directly.

I believe that is the issue here. I rather have the hard truth rather then the soft lie because in the long run, the truth is always better. It seems that the point is people are trying to protect themselves and telling the truth is a form of vunerability. That vunerablity is sometimes not an easy to overcome, especially relating to this specfic person. Anyways, what I am trying to figure out is how to better communicate with people and make people better communicate with me.

It is culture, it is education, it is social background, etc, etc, etc. In other words, and I don't want to shut down this conversation, but I feel discussing the differences between men and women is really too confining.

This thread wasn't meant to over generalize. Absolutely, I have never met a girl that wasn't different from the next. I mean, there are some women out there that I can't imagine my life without. These happen to be women I find to have excellent conversations with and are great friends on mines. It's the woman I pick to date that is the issue here. It appears to me that we wanted the same things but events constantly take place and ended up that we ain't talking anymore.(That was more on her part then mines....

) Thanks and keep the comments coming.... Free advice is hard to come by and I don't have the dough for a shrink.

 

[globetrotter]

HM,

truth is not always the best policy with dating, or at least the whole truth at first.

my advice on dating (since you did, actually ask for advice on this) goes like this - treat it like a sales call. you are the product. what you want to do is decide how to position yourself, what parts of you you want to emphasize, what you want to hide until later. you need to get a good idea of your value, and to encrease your value where possible (work out, dress better, etc). and then plan how to show off those parts of you that you want to show off. for instance, if you know that you don't come off as sensitive, but you believe that you really are, plan how to work in a story that positions you in a sensitive light.

unless you are really gorgeous, it won't do you any good to be totally truthful - you can't really say to a woman "hey, I like you, how about we talk a while and then F*ck". but you can make it clear that you aren't, for instance, in the market for any more friends.

 

[Fabienne]

Globetrotter: thank you for granting us a sight of your cherub instead of the hamburger face.

HM: I think you should define the problem as you perceive it, and go from there. Whether or not you want to then post your findings is up to you.

 

[globetrotter]

Fabianne, thanks, but my baby is just a baby, but Samual Jackson eating a hamburger is one of the high points in man's cinema

 

[HitMan009]

Thanks for all the responses. It proves to me I am looking at the wrong people to date.

Thanks all and Happy Holidays, Happy Festivals, whatever is politically correct these days..... The offenseless society. Gotta love it.

 

[Brian SD]

"hey, I like you, how about we talk a while and then F*ck"

What on earth is the point of *ing the "u" out of "****?" It's not like you disguised the word you used. We all know what you meant.

 

[Tokyo Slim]

This is 100% pure genius.

When I have  children, I'm going to make little baby t-shirts with this quote on it.

"My baby is just a baby; but Samuel L. Jackson eating a hamburger is one of the high points in cinema."

 

[Eric]

This is 100% pure genius. When I have  children, I'm going to make little baby t-shirts with this quote on it. "My baby is just a baby; but Samuel L. Jackson eating a hamburger is one of the high points in cinema."

Globetrotter clearly is a man that know how to prioritize.

Eric

 

[Eric]

And on the subject of women...

Man is just as much a mystery to women as women are to man. So there is a equal playing field. The trick is not to think or worry about it, let the women worry about, and take it easy.

Eric

 

[johnw86]

When trying to "understand women," the confounding variable is the individual woman you want to meet/know. And she's just that--a variable. Every woman is different (just as every man is different). Yes there are tendencies that we can use to generalize to the gender, but those tendencies are not helpful when you're really interested in an individual.

You have to get to know that particular woman to understand her.

And some women won't want to get to know you.

That's just the way it is. That's not the fault of "women," it's the result of those particular, individual women. Keep looking until you find one who finds you interesting. She's out there. And she'll accept you for who you are and what you do--if she's really right for you, she won't even try (too much) to change you into her preconceived notions of what "men" should be.

Don't give up. (And don't try too hard.)

 

[lady_nutella]

Women seem complicated because they over-analyse. My friends will take one little comment from a guy and dither over the meaning of each simple word or action so long that the way she eventually interprets it is completely different to the meaning which it originally had. Plus, women take things out of perspective. They allow one tiny little thing to eclipse a whole myriad of other things. Trust me, my friends do this all the time.

(Although I suppose men are the same, to some extent).