Non-traditional wedding

[Adam]

I'm going to apologize in advance for the long post... please read it.

My older cousin's getting married next weekend, and I'm still not sure what to wear.
He's always been the black-sheep of the family (he's the one who'd show up to xmas dinner in a spike covered leather jacket, with a bright green mohawk... kinda funny since he's now a lawyer), and just from talking with his fiancee and him, I know it won't be your traditional wedding.  She is wearing a regular dress, rather then a wedding dress, and they refuse to play the typical wedding music at their reception [they mentioned that one set will be completely industrial (think Nine Inch Nails)].  As his fiancee put it, "we actually want people to have a good time..."

For the reception I was thinking of this:
Black & grey pants from Express (they're difficult to explain, they're denim and have a casual look to them, but are cut and styled like dress pants).
Black leather belt from Kenneth Cole.
Black ankle boots from Kenneth Cole.
Dark grey, almost black velvet blazer.

What shirt should I pair with this?
Plain white dress shirt (with or without a black tie?)?
More casual dress shirt from Kenneth Cole (black with black striping), and again with or without a tie?

If I go with the tie, I was thinking of wearing it loose, with the top button of my shirt undone (kind of "spent the day in business meetings, now I'm meeting friends for drinks" look).
Would it be sloppy to have the shirt untucked?

I'm trying to decide between 1 outfit and 2 (there's a 3 hour break between the ceremony and the reception, so plenty of time to change).  Would changing for the reception seem overdone?  They're very low-key, and I wouldn't want to take any of the focus off them.
Would the outfit listed above be appropriate for the ceremony?

 

[Alias]

A leather thong, two nipple rings, and a gas mask. You'll be the hit of the party.

Edit: To be helpful, I'd combine the Express pants with the Kenneth Cole shirt, no tie. Please tuck it in. Wear blazer over that.

 

[jcusey]

and they refuse to play the typical wedding music at their reception [they mentioned that one set will be completely industrial (think Nine Inch Nails)]. As his fiancee put it, "we actually want people to have a good time..."

Yup, I'm sure that Granny would have a blast rocking out to "Head Like a Hole."

For the reception I was thinking of this:
Black & grey pants from Express (they're difficult to explain, they're denim and have a casual look to them, but are cut and styled like dress pants).
Black leather belt from Kenneth Cole.
Black ankle boots from Kenneth Cole.
Dark grey, almost black velvet blazer.

It's difficult to say without having seen the ensemble, but I would hesitate to wear denim pants regardless of the way that they're cut. Under no circumstances would I wear Kenneth Cole shoes: they're junk, pure and simple. As for the rest, it might work. For events such as weddings, the question that I ask myself is whether I would likely be embarrassed to see myself in pictures twenty years from now wearing what I'm contemplating wearing.

What shirt should I pair with this?
Plain white dress shirt (with or without a black tie?)?
More casual dress shirt from Kenneth Cole (black with black striping), and again with or without a tie?

I would hesitate to wear the black shirt. You're already wearing a bunch of other stuff that's black or near-black.

If I go with the tie, I was thinking of wearing it loose, with the top button of my shirt undone (kind of "spent the day in business meetings, now I'm meeting friends for drinks" look).
Would it be sloppy to have the shirt untucked?

Yes, having the shirt untucked would look sloppy. So would wearing the tie loose. You're going to a wedding, not a bar after work. Your dress should reflect respect for the event, for the church, for the people getting married, and for the other guests. To me, that doesn't mean that you have to wear a navy pinstriped suit, but it does mean that you have to wear something different from what you would if you were going clubbing.

 

[matadorpoeta]

it sounds like they want to create a club-like atmosphere so i suggest you dress like you're going to a club, but do it your way. if you're not really into the industrial scene you'll look silly trying to pull it off.

i wouldn't wear the denim pants though. you don't know how dressy this thing might be, and when in doubt, it's better to be overdressed than to be underdressed.

 

[vantheman]

There's no reason you couldn't pick out a combination with a tie, and then take the tie off once you get there if it seems appropriate. Â Considering the velvet blazer, maybe even a more clubby tie would be appropriate rather than a more conservative one, but not one that's so crazy as to attract all eyes. Denim, I think, is risky, even in this situation. Â It probably works great with the outfit you have in mind, but I'm hesitant to wear it unless I am specifically told that the event is "casual." I think an important point to remember is that the outfit should not detract from the wedding or the couple. Â Traditional or not, it's their party, and they should be at the center of attention. Â It seems that they probably won't care what you wear too much, as long as people don't leave remembering it as the wedding where you wore that.

 

[LabelKing]

Andy Warhol looked great in denim, and a suit jacket. But then he looked just as well in a white wig which I don't think you could carry off...

Anyways I suggest perhaps some black pinstripe pants.