Mental Health and Clothing

[FlyingHorker]

I've debated making this thread for a while, hopefully something useful comes out of it. Trying to create a jumping off point for mental health discussion and its potential intersection with clothing.

My own issues.

In the past, I'd just pretend I didn't have any issues, nor did I have self-awareness.

My own neuroticism, anxiety, and OCD has gotten in the way of dressing well and finding what I truly like.

Pacing back and forth and taking 50 photos of one fit and then obsessing about it to the point of being unable to do anything else that day is an activity I've done. Nope, this isn't functional, nor is it fun.

I've also bought clothing when I was in a giddy, anxious mood and that bit me in the butt long term.

I enjoy clothing, but it can be used as a distraction or for escapism in a bad way. That dopamine hit is great when you order something or fantasize about a fit, but doesn't fill the holes or flaws in my life.

Dealing with my issues

For me, lifting weights keeps me relatively grounded and relaxed from addictive tendencies. Journaling every night about my day and what triggers my anxiety or ruminations has helped for self-awareness. I rate things out of 10 for severity.

Mindful meditation has helped as well. Creating a distance from a lot of my "junk mail" thoughts and treating them as sounds that come and go has helped manage how I deal with distracting thoughts.

Creating a list of items that I "need" vs. "want" for clothing helps me plan out long term purchases and gets rid of a lot of guilty feelings. "Need" in the sense that I'm better off buying polos, in basic colours, for my current wardrobe cohesiveness rather than a 9th overcoat.

On a positive note for emotions, I've started dressing simply on what I felt like doing on a whim that day or week. The past couple years is when I've felt I can actually start enjoying my clothing, and also consequently developing my sense of style as well.

Big overcoats, chunky eyewear, scarves, highly textured fabrics, bold patterns are my favourite. I feel comfortable and protected.

Your own issues?

Anyone else have issues with their mental health and its relationship to clothing?

Have you dealt with them?

If so, how?

What worked? What didn't work?

 

[FlyingHorker]

Emotions/Comfort/Enjoyment

I enjoyed Simon's musings on "What is comfort?" and how it can be psychological as well.

What is comfort? – Permanent Style

Derek has cited a post on Reddit as well that has resonated with me during the pandemic. I've replaced certain words and phrases inside of [ ] brackets to avoid the SF censor.

I love to dress up, but I have nowhere to go... : femalefashionadvice (reddit.com)

"My yoga teacher once told me that when he was younger his mom was very very conscious of the things she wore and how everything had their time and place. Even the china set. She would never bring them out unless it was for a very special dinner. However, when he was about 14 his mom got cancer and was very close to passing away. She recovered but he distinctly remember the day that she had embraced the idea of [SCREW IT]. She put on her most beautiful dress and busted out the china and they ate meatloaf on a regular tuesday. At that point he realized that she started to live. Like really live. So he always wears designer whatever the **** he wants whenever the **** he wants. Since he told me that story I've sort of adopted that. I used to try to dress like how everyone else would be. Like at my neices bday. Shorts and a nice top. This year I plan on wearing a beautiful dress because [SCREW IT]. I wanna do it. I will be the best looking mother ****** at that damn pool party anyone has ever seen! "

 

[breakaway01]

I appreciate your sharing your thoughts. I certainly think you are not alone.

Not sure if this is behind a paywall but I thought this NYT article was interesting: body image problems among teenage boys

 

[Herders_Gulch]

This is a great topic!

Last year, I started rebuilding my wardrobe after a meaningful weight loss. At first, I thought I would be going back into the office. Since then, the company reversed course and I will never go back into an office. It was an existential change for me, as so much of my sense of self-worth was tied up in my work persona, which was tied to how I dressed for work. But for a while I was seriously questioning myself. Who am I if I don’t go into an office, and what does this new me wear?

I’ve spent a lot of money in the last year, and it’s been quite liberating: literally as I have moved toward looser fits, and figuratively as it has opened up a more creative view of my personality. I am dressing more for comfort, but also self expression. When I buy things, I have a few specific ideas in mind: (1) SoCal friendly fabrics (lots of linen), (2) easy fits, and (3) earth tones.

I moved way outside my comfort zone with some purchases. For example, I got a brown linen Document set up from NMWA recently that totally blew my mind. So roomy! Much comfort! Huge leg openings!

I have not made regretted many purchases over the last year. My biggest regret was a pair of brown oxfords from Allen Edmonds: 2019 me would have loved those, but I haven’t worn them out of the house once.

 

[FlyingHorker]

I appreciate your sharing your thoughts. I certainly think you are not alone.

Not sure if this is behind a paywall but I thought this NYT article was interesting: body image problems among teenage boys

Thanks man.

It was paywalled, but I googled it and it worked.

Interesting, I always associated "Bigorexia" with mass monsters who compete in bodybuilding, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel jacked enough most of the time. As a youtube personality, Dom Mazzetti put it, "The day you started lifting was the day you became forever small.”

So far, lifting weights has been a net positive and thankfully I haven't slid into the behaviours in the article. I almost did though, but the stress relief I get from lifting weights is now the biggest reason I go to the gym.

 

[schraiber]

This is a great thread! Thanks for starting it.

I've absolutely been there, especially with regards to obsessing over specific fits or specific pieces. Hell, I'm there right now, dealing with suit jacket length.

I think there's a fine line between just consumerism for it's own sake and doing something more "important" with your style, and I don't know where that line is.

On one hand, there's always the advice to buy experiences and not thinks. But I think for a lot of us, clothing is a key part of the experience? Like, I love going to the ballet and part of what I love about it is the opportunity to wear a suit, etc. Also except for very specific experienced I need to wear clothes during them no matter what..

But it's soooo easy to get those dopamine hits like you say. And then the disappointment of it not fixing everything about your life just because you found the perfect new shirt or whatever.

The other bad consumerist aspect is the hedonic treadmill. This has happened to me bad lately and I don't know how to get off. After getting some American and Japanese made heavyweight flannels last fall I've just found myself unable to go back to lower priced offerings, and boy these are expensive...

I like your idea of really trying to think hard about what you like what fills the holes in your wardrobe (but can never fill the holes in your heart). For me it helped a lot to actually create a document, because it helped me focus on what I want. I also try to keep in mind how many outfits I can reasonably wear. I don't need 30 shirts, because I only wear one shirt a day

 

[FlyingHorker]

This is a great topic!

Last year, I started rebuilding my wardrobe after a meaningful weight loss. At first, I thought I would be going back into the office. Since then, the company reversed course and I will never go back into an office. It was an existential change for me, as so much of my sense of self-worth was tied up in my work persona, which was tied to how I dressed for work. But for a while I was seriously questioning myself. Who am I if I don’t go into an office, and what does this new me wear?

I’ve spent a lot of money in the last year, and it’s been quite liberating: literally as I have moved toward looser fits, and figuratively as it has opened up a more creative view of my personality. I am dressing more for comfort, but also self expression. When I buy things, I have a few specific ideas in mind: (1) SoCal friendly fabrics (lots of linen), (2) easy fits, and (3) earth tones.

I moved way outside my comfort zone with some purchases. For example, I got a brown linen Document set up from NMWA recently that totally blew my mind. So roomy! Much comfort! Huge leg openings!

I have not made regretted many purchases over the last year. My biggest regret was a pair of brown oxfords from Allen Edmonds: 2019 me would have loved those, but I haven’t worn them out of the house once.

Bolded hits close to home. I had been building up dressing for work for literal years due to me not graduating from school. As I near graduation, I'm more relaxed and open to my style changing down the road.

There is still the dread that I may have to chuck half my wardrobe when getting a permanent job, but I try not to think too far ahead. One week at a time.

Dressing in loose, easy fitting linen year round sounds like a great counterpart to my northern love of thick, heavy outerwear. Rayon is also a very nice material for summer shirts. It feels silky and cool for summer time.

 

[FlyingHorker]

This is a great thread! Thanks for starting it.

I've absolutely been there, especially with regards to obsessing over specific fits or specific pieces. Hell, I'm there right now, dealing with suit jacket length.

I think there's a fine line between just consumerism for it's own sake and doing something more "important" with your style, and I don't know where that line is.

On one hand, there's always the advice to buy experiences and not thinks. But I think for a lot of us, clothing is a key part of the experience? Like, I love going to the ballet and part of what I love about it is the opportunity to wear a suit, etc. Also except for very specific experienced I need to wear clothes during them no matter what..

But it's soooo easy to get those dopamine hits like you say. And then the disappointment of it not fixing everything about your life just because you found the perfect new shirt or whatever.

The other bad consumerist aspect is the hedonic treadmill. This has happened to me bad lately and I don't know how to get off. After getting some American and Japanese made heavyweight flannels last fall I've just found myself unable to go back to lower priced offerings, and boy these are expensive...

I like your idea of really trying to think hard about what you like what fills the holes in your wardrobe (but can never fill the holes in your heart). For me it helped a lot to actually create a document, because it helped me focus on what I want. I also try to keep in mind how many outfits I can reasonably wear. I don't need 30 shirts, because I only wear one shirt a day

I'm glad it was of use.

I think posting on Styleforum promotes consumerism for its own sake. I think SF survived due to the affiliate threads(It's why I made an account here), but it's a double edged sword for the reasons we talked about.

I remember reading some post about "Spiritual Deflation" when putting on a bespoke garment from @ValidusLA, and thought it was funny and highly relatable. The expectations and excitement for a high end piece is often greater than the actual result. "This is nice" is what we might feel when putting it on and it doesn't match our expectations.

I wasn't aware of the hedonic treadmill, just googled it. I think it perfectly captures what I was trying to convey with shopping addictions and the dopamine hits and coming back to baseline.

Vintage LL Bean Chamois shirts are sort of similiar if the styling appeals to you. Quite thick, cheap, heavy, easy to find on Etsy, and are basically flannel shirts.

Speaking of dopamine hits, that's enough +1 red alerts and styleforum for today and possibly the next little while.

 

[edinatlanta]

Ngl the crass consumerism on this site is one of the few things that bri gs me happiness. (Not joy which is more profound but happiness). I dont rush out and buy everything but i do take my time hemming and hawing on purchases usually weeks to months which i think adds to the happiness.

 

[Herders_Gulch]

I don't need 30 shirts, because I only wear one shirt a day

This is very easy to understand but sometimes difficult to apply. I certainly have fallen prey to this problem in the past. If I like one, I should get 3! I have mostly stopped this, but have a distinct weakness for Inis Meain’s linen items. I started using Notability to track items, and pay attention to what I am wearing to avoid unnecessary duplication. But it’s a hard lesson to learn (why did I buy three denim and two chambray shirts in the fall?).

Dressing in loose, easy fitting linen year round sounds like a great counterpart to my northern love of thick, heavy outerwear.

Totally! I was inspired by the hills around me. Although I am a bit jealous of all the long jackets for colder climates.

So far, lifting weights has been a net positive and thankfully I haven't slid into the behaviours in the article. I almost did though, but the stress relief I get from lifting weights is now the biggest reason I go to the gym.

I started lifting after a very bad work experience. I decided to get myself physically fit, partially for general wellness, but also to build mental discipline. I am going on 5 years now of a very reliable 3 workouts per week.

 

[FlyingMonkey]

Hello. I bought $3000 worth of clothes on Gra*led and ebay in a week in August last year because I was high on serotonin. That's the kind of thing I do in the manic phase of my bipolar disorder. Then I get rid of most of them when I'm depressed. Really I should give someone else my credit card when I start feeling the signs...

 

[pasadena man]

Thanks for starting the thread horker, an excellent and important topic.

Mood disorders are not rare or uncommon. Some research shows that about 40% of the population has suffered some symptoms of depression or anxiety since the pandemic started:

The Implications of COVID-19 for Mental Health and Substance Use | KFF

This brief explores mental health and substance use during, and prior to, the COVID-19 pandemic. We highlight populations that were more likely to experience worse mental health and substance use outcomes during the pandemic and discuss some innovations in the delivery of services.

www.kff.org

And a lot of people are also taking psychotropic medications for mood disorders: 1 out of 6 or more.

https://quotewizard.com/news/posts/mental-health-prescriptions

These are conditions that affect a significant part of our community on SF, and colors some of our discourse. I find that being mindful of that helps me to engage in more constructive conversations here.

 

[jack webb]

At times I can be very hesitant about buying something, endlessly going back and forth about it in my mind. But if I DO decide to purchase it can be like clearing the blockage in the bottleneck, and soon I'm clicking "Buy" on item #2 and item #3 and item #4....

Another thing I've noticed is the periodic desire for a fresh start, particularly when the seasons change. At these times I'm not interested in swapping into and out of storage the old and new seasons' clothes. I want to toss them both and start anew.

 

[FlyingMonkey]

Hello. I bought $3000 worth of clothes on Gra*led and ebay in a week in August last year because I was high on serotonin. That's the kind of thing I do in the manic phase of my bipolar disorder. Then I get rid of most of them when I'm depressed. Really I should give someone else my credit card when I start feeling the signs...

BTW, this isn't the worst that happens, it's just the most style-related thing. Most stuff is not so funny.

 

[schraiber]

At times I can be very hesitant about buying something, endlessly going back and forth about it in my mind. But if I DO decide to purchase it can be like clearing the blockage in the bottleneck, and soon I'm clicking "Buy" on item #2 and item #3 and item #4....

Another thing I've noticed is the periodic desire for a fresh start, particularly when the seasons change. At these times I'm not interested in swapping into and out of storage the old and new seasons' clothes. I want to toss them both and start anew.

Oh god the flood gates happen to me too. I'll go months without buying anything and then get one thing and it goes crazy. It feels ******* terrible.