I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

[HgaleK]

I think a modified Nil's text might be your best option. Something similar to "I won't be able to make to make dinner on Wednesday. I'm sorry for the erratic behaviour. I'm in a difficult place right now and need to take a step back and figure a few things out. This will be last contact with you for a long time. Please don't try to contact me. Then you have to live up to it. No FB, no phone, text, call, etc. Don't end it with anything like: "I love you" "I'll miss you" "It was wonderful" "I wish you all the best" etc Edit: there's a good chance she'll respond with "bye..." "fine then..." "I love you" " "love you too" "No, we're through" "Why? I thought we were finally getting things worked out" etc. They're all baited texts. You cannot respond. Period. It undoes everything.

 

[mordecai]

Mark I has managed to turn this thread into a microcosm of his relationship. Closure doesn't exist dude. You don't even want it, you want drama, or a crescendo. It's not going to happen.

 

[West24]

Originally Posted by HgaleK

I think a modified Nil's text might be your best option. Something similar to "I won't be able to make to make dinner on Wednesday. I'm sorry for the erratic behaviour. I'm in a difficult place right now and need to take a step back and figure a few things out. This will be last contact with you for a long time. Please don't try to contact me.


Then you have to live up to it. No FB, no phone, text, call, etc.


Don't end it with anything like: "I love you" "I'll miss you" "It was wonderful" "I wish you all the best" etc

"I won't be able to make to make dinner on Wednesday. I'm sorry for the erratic behaviour. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place right now and need to take a step back but can not because the rock is holding me in and i cant figure things out. This will be last contact with you for about two days. Please don't try to contact me for 48 hours.


End it with "my heart will go on" i miss you like the desert miss the rain" "your love is my drug"

 

[MarkI]

I'm going to go to this dinner, say my peace, this will be the end then. No more communication no nothing.

And I didn't mean literally walk out on her, well have dinner, talk, then well go our separate ways. I intend to be curt, not bring up what we had, no I love you'd, no I'll miss yous, just bye.

I do not see how this can go wrong.

 

[mordecai]

Originally Posted by MarkI

I do not see how this can go wrong.

 

[dfagdfsh]

hahaha at this point there's nothing for us to do but sit back and watch and enjoy

here's my prediction: epic blowout in the restaurants, tears of betrayal, and some sort of sloppy sex in a dumpster

 

[unjung]

Originally Posted by Teger

hahaha at this point there's nothing for us to do but sit back and watch and enjoy

here's my prediction: epic blowout in the restaurants, tears of betrayal, and some sort of sloppy sex in a dumpster

Yup.

 

[HgaleK]

Originally Posted by MarkI

I'm going to go to this dinner, say my peace, this will be the end then. No more communication no nothing. And I didn't mean literally walk out on her, well have dinner, talk, then well go our separate ways. I intend to be curt, not bring up what we had, no I love you'd, no I'll miss yous, just bye. I do not see how this can go wrong.
The same way everything else has, dipshit. There's no polite way to say this. You're acting like a moron. You've fucked up every step of the way in spite of all of the advice presented. Almost everything that happened was predicted before it occurred by people who've been through it themselves and watched others go through it. Why do you keep asking about advice if you aren't willing to take it? The text is your last reasonable out. You remove all risk that things go up in smoke. It leaves you with the option of salvaging a relationship with this girl, whether you date again or become friends. Quite frankly I don't care if you report back that wednesday is a stellar success at this point. Everyone will know that you're full of **** because you obviously lack the mental capacities required for even the most basic cognition. I'm very understanding of the situation you're in, but I didn't have people giving me a play by play. Seriously man, read through this thread and examine very closely whether not you deserve the faith that you're placing in your self control and maturity given a difficult and stressful situation and your actions. Of course, I'm probably getting master trolled by three fat kids on the other side of the internet...

If not, I'm looking forward to the lulz.

 

[kungapa]

Originally Posted by MarkI

I'm going to go to this dinner, say my peace, this will be the end then. No more communication no nothing.

And I didn't mean literally walk out on her, well have dinner, talk, then well go our separate ways. I intend to be curt, not bring up what we had, no I love you'd, no I'll miss yous, just bye.

I do not see how this can go wrong.

I'm eagerly awaiting the results of this. If you don't mind, please bring a camera or at least a microphone and record it all - it would make for a fun listen.

 

[ysc]

Originally Posted by MarkI

I'm going to go to this dinner, say my peace, this will be the end then. No more communication no nothing. And I didn't mean literally walk out on her, well have dinner, talk, then well go our separate ways. I intend to be curt, not bring up what we had, no I love you'd, no I'll miss yous, just bye. I do not see how this can go wrong.
I think having dinner, waiting the length of a meal, which probably neither of you will enjoy, and then saying your piece is a pretty bad idea. Arriving for dinner, saying your piece, and then sitting down to eat is probably worse, but the real issue is why are you having dinner at all? Is this like an anti-date? I know you don't want to cancel or back out, I can understand that. I respect wanting to "say your piece" face to face, and not standing her up but maybe you can commute it down to getting coffee? Otherwise all I can see is you talking and thinking yourself out of saying what you have to say (probably what I would do), a hideously frosty meal (and you will still have to pay for that food) or some kind of awful explosion/waterworks.

 

[kungapa]

Originally Posted by ysc

I think having dinner, waiting the length of a meal which probably neither of you will enjoy, and then saying your piece is a pretty bad idea. Arriving for dinner, saying your piece, and then sitting down to eat is probably worse but the real issue is why are you having dinner at all? Is this like an anti-date?

I know you don't want to cancel or back out, I can understand that. I respect wanting to "say your piece" face to face, and not stand her up but maybe you can commute it down to getting coffee?

Otherwise all I can see is you talking and thinking yourself out of saying what you have to say (probably what I would do), a hideously frosty meal (and you will still have to pay for that food) or some kind of awful explosion/waterworks.

All the food consumed throughout their relation ship will be coming back up.

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[MarkI]

Originally Posted by kungapa

All the food consumed throughout their relation ship will be coming back up.

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Ok, since im such a big ******* idiot, someone please explain to me why this dinner is a bad idea?

Like I said, I dont intend it to be anything other than that, we'll talk, i'll say goodbye. That is all.

How is sending her a text cancelling it, going to make things any better. Dont you guys understand I want this to END, I have been going crazy the past 3 weeks with this ****, and shes clearly not leaning towards anything new. Why should I continue to go through this? Why cant I end it?

Sending that text just sends things going for like another two weeks, and im that marsupialed limbo again.

Basically this is how I see it, she cant make up her mind, this causes me to feel like ****. If I bow out courteously, and on a good note, maybe THAT will make her think differently, because oh ****, now he left me... I dont really have control anymore.

Thats my reasoning behind it.

 

[MarkI]

Originally Posted by MarkI

Ok, since im such a big ******* idiot, someone please explain to me why this dinner is a bad idea?

Like I said, I dont intend it to be anything other than that, we'll talk, i'll say goodbye. That is all.

How is sending her a text cancelling it, going to make things any better. Dont you guys understand I want this to END, I have been going crazy the past 3 weeks with this ****, and shes clearly not leaning towards anything new. Why should I continue to go through this? Why cant I end it?

Sending that text just sends things going for like another two weeks, and im that marsupialed limbo again.

Basically this is how I see it, she cant make up her mind, this causes me to feel like ****. If I bow out courteously, and on a good note, maybe THAT will make her think differently, because oh ****, now he left me... I dont really have control anymore.

Thats my reasoning behind it.

And if she doesnt feel like that then *******, im moving on in any case

 

[APK]

You wouldn't be doing all of this if you didn't want to be with her. You think you're going to feel better by getting closure, but you won't. Do you know why? The end result, her leaving, will still be the same. Anything other than her saying, "Let's stay together" is going to leave you feeling unfulfilled.

I say these things because I have been there before.

 

[MarkI]

Originally Posted by APK

You wouldn't be doing all of this if you didn't want to be with her. You think you're going to feel better by getting closure, but you won't. Do you know why? The end result, her leaving, will still be the same. Anything other than her saying, "Let's stay together" is going to leave you feeling unfulfilled.

I say these things because I have been there before.

This is obviously true, but at least itll lend me the oppurtunity to actually begin moving on, because I havent been able to do that yet.