Wedding planning update: Please help me convince my fiancee that my groomsmen do not have to be carb



EBugatti said:

Hey Quake-- my gf of 1.5 years (20 years my junior and smoking hot) has been begging me to marry her. She says I can show up in my underpants if I want as long as I go through with it.

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I wouldn't do that at the wedding itself, but the rehearsal dinner would seem like it's fair game to me.

New Shoes1 said:

Yes, "Alpha Male" was the first term that came to mind when I read your post on a clothing forum asking for advice on how to convince your fiancee to let you be the one to pick your friends' outfits for the wedding.

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touche'

EBugatti said:

Hey Quake-- my gf of 1.5 years (20 years my junior and smoking hot) has been begging me to marry her. She says I can show up in my underpants if I want as long as I go through with it.

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make sure you get that prenupt

quaker13 said:

You guys have been pretty helpful. Has anyone else noticed how this topic has clearly defined the more alpha vs. the more beta male posters on this forum. surely i am not the only one

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Seems like this thread has been more of a gauge of our approach to gender roles and cynicism.

quaker13 said:

3 bridesmaids 3 groomsmen. the chicks will all be wearing the same purple but different dresses(depending on body types)

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So...her bridesmaids don't have matching dresses, just matching colors. And your groomsmen can't do the same? That, sir, is bullshit.

dbhdnhdbh said:

If your friends are early enough in their careers you could try objecting on the grounds that you do not want to force your groomsmen to lay out money for suits they will never wear anywhere else. Note also that nice suits are expensive. These weird wedding outfits, since they are one-time items, are made to even lower standards than the cheapest suit someone in early career might otherwise buy. Neglecting the color schemes, they look like the thrown together junk they are. Take the approach that you want the groomsmen to look good, and that is unlikely to happen if they show up in purple "wedding" suits.

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This seems like a pretty persuasive argument

I'm in the process of co-planning a fairly simple wedding. It's still a year off, but neither the bridesmaids nor the groomsmen are to be matching. I'm asking that my groomsmen wear suits in the gray range (I'm hoping some go for two and others for three button, and that some opt for a white pocket square while others don't have a ps),white shirts, and solid navy ties of their choice. I'll be wearing the same but with a more vivid blue tie.

Claghorn said:

Seems like this thread has been more of a gauge of our approach to gender roles and cynicism.

So...her bridesmaids don't have matching dresses, just matching colors. And your groomsmen can't do the same? That, sir, is bullshit.

This seems like a pretty persuasive argument

I'm in the process of co-planning a fairly simple wedding. It's still a year off, but neither the bridesmaids nor the groomsmen are to be matching. I'm asking that my groomsmen wear suits in the gray range (I'm hoping some go for two and others for three button, and that some opt for a white pocket square while others don't have a ps),white shirts, and solid navy ties of their choice. I'll be wearing the same but with a more vivid blue tie.

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to be fair,

she has been on board with different ties and or psquares from the start.

Wow, I am surprised (sort of) by the back-and-forths on this thread. FWIW, my gf and I have discussed this sort of thing on our own and it turns out that *I* am the only one who has been planning a wedding for decades, and that she has some sticking points but that generally it would be mostly my planning... Not saying that's the case here, but on SF in particular I'm not sure how general stereotypes apply, since I doubt most men pay so much attention to sartorial detail as we do.

Anyway, for my contribution, some photos from a friend's wedding. Terrible photos, mind you, but similar styling of suits with white shirt and differently colored accessories seemed to do the trick. Not exactly what the OP was looking for, but something to help, I should hope.



Edit: Just saw that the fiance was ok with different-colored ties, so I guess maybe I can reenforce that point? Though technically these are flowers, not squares.



quaker13 said:

to be fair,

she has been on board with different ties and or psquares from the start. 

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Ironically, matching ties and different suits would almost certainly look better than matching suits and different ties. When I have been a groomsman in the past, I've had this once or twice - the groom has taken us all out for lunch and bought us ties (once they were all matching, once they were all the same colour, but with subtly different textures and patterns). That looked fine imo. Why don't you suggest that as a compromise? ie. let them wear their own suits but buy them all nice ties that match or nearly match?



tgt465 said:

Use the Internet Archive to get copies of old web sites that have since disappeared:
http://web.archive.org/web/20070206....com/Tutorials/AntongiavanniWEDDINGATTIRE.htm

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That's the one! Thanks!

From Manton:

"I suppose this is good a place as any to make a point that needs to be made. There is no need for the groom, his best man, and his ushers to match in every respect from neck to toe. In fact, it looks silly. Take a look at pictures from very elegant weddings in prior years, and you see that in fact the wedding party does not match.




Among its other problems, all-matching wedding parties just scream “rented clothes!” Certainly if the dress code is morning coat, then everyone in the party should wear a morning coat. But shirt, tie, vest, etc., can and should all be a little different. After all, we men are not robots."

MASTERTAILOR said:

Are the bridesmaids dresses matching? How many groomsmen? How many bridesmaids?

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quaker13 said:

3 bridesmaids 3 groomsmen. the chicks will all be wearing the same purple but different dresses(depending on body types)

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If the bridesmaids dresses do not match exactly the groomsmen should not have to either....But you might be able to do "coordinating"
Is it black tie? Do you have any other color options besides purple?

Well, after reading through this thread I thought I'd chime in with my 0.02

When I got married, I had a bespoke tux made. White with black pants. Casablanca was my inspiration. Although the pocket square was black.

My groomsmen did not all wear the SAME outfit (same suit from same store), but they were all required to wear a black tux with a black bow tie. (Tux's with Bowties) The result was great. It didn't look like one of those crappy rental weddings. There was uniformity but it was more 'natural' (if that makes any sense). Some bowties were different than others, some jackets were different than others. They were all wearing the same boutonniere to highlight that they were groomsmen.

A wedding is a day that belongs entirely to the bride and the bridegroom. My groomsmen didn't look like circus puppets, but they also didn't get in the way of stealing any kind of spotlight from us. Normally that would sound eccentric, but this is the ONLY day where being eccentric simply just doesn't matter.

I gave my wife free reign over whatever she wanted. But she respected me enough to understand that my groomsmen were just that...mine.

Hope this helps.

Also, her bridesmaids also wore the same color, but different dresses.

My wedding is this june. I am wearing a shadow stripe black suit, and my groomsmen are wearing dark grey. I think it looks better in pictures, but above all: you can actually tell who the groom is. If you see a picture or your a guest you don't know who the groom is until your actually standing at the alter. For the groomsmen pics you are done for if you don't know the couple.

E said:

Ironically, matching ties and different suits would almost certainly look better than matching suits and different ties. When I have been a groomsman in the past, I've had this once or twice - the groom has taken us all out for lunch and bought us ties (once they were all matching, once they were all the same colour, but with subtly different textures and patterns). That looked fine imo. Why don't you suggest that as a compromise? ie. let them wear their own suits but buy them all nice ties that match or nearly match?

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Have been lurking reading threads for some time, but finally posting. This is what we did for my wedding - my then-fiance and I picked out a tie and pocket square that was roughly the same color as the bridesmaids' dresses, bought one for each groomsmen and for myself, and then told my groomsmen to wear a suit between medium and light gray and a white shirt. It worked out fine, and even when one of the groomsmen showed up in a suit closer to tan than to gray, the whole party still looked good, and the unified ties and pocket squares kept everything with a cohesive look.