Going into debt to finance an engagement ring

Renault78law · Feb 5, 2007

I feel ridiculous for asking this because the obvious answer is "very bad idea," but I guess I need to hear it from other people.

I make a good living, but every month pay a mortgage, a 401k, student loans, and regular living expenses. I'm doing everything I can to save money (I haven't bought any clothes or shoes in 5 months and counting) but it's VERY slow coming. I'd like to spend $10-15k on an engagement ring. I'd need to finance the vast majority of that. Please talk some sense in me.

drizzt3117 · Feb 5, 2007

Originally Posted by Renault78law

I feel ridiculous for asking this because the obvious answer is "very bad idea," but I guess I need to hear it from other people.

I make a good living, but every month pay a mortgage, a 401k, student loans, and regular living expenses. I'm doing everything I can to save money (I haven't bought any clothes or shoes in 5 months and counting) but it's VERY slow coming. I'd like to spend $10-15k on an engagement ring. I'd need to finance the vast majority of that. Please talk some sense in me.

I guess it depends on a number of factors. If you receive a good deal on financing (i.e. deferred payments for a given amount of time) and you think you'll be able to pay it off without incurring huge interest expenses, then it wouldn't be as bad as buying something that you won't likely be able to afford in the current time horizon.

globetrotter · Feb 5, 2007

don't - you have no idea how much being married is going to hemorag money. the whole "2 months salary" thing on a ring is simply wrong. no matter what anyone says, the wedding is going to cost you money, the marriege is going to cost you money, and when you have kids it will cost you money. and, what ever your girlfriend makes now, will go down when and if you have kids.

get yourself a nice pair of shoes, dude, 'cause once you are married it ain't happening for a while.

there are plenty of nice rings available for what you can afford.

minhi · Feb 5, 2007

Originally Posted by Renault78law

I feel ridiculous for asking this because the obvious answer is "very bad idea," but I guess I need to hear it from other people. I make a good living, but every month pay a mortgage, a 401k, student loans, and regular living expenses. I'm doing everything I can to save money (I haven't bought any clothes or shoes in 5 months and counting) but it's VERY slow coming. I'd like to spend $10-15k on an engagement ring. I'd need to finance the vast majority of that. Please talk some sense in me.
just to point out that you're on a slippery slope. after the ring there's the wedding to pay for, what kind of savings rate are you on now? and are you on a budget (like laid out) to see where every dollar is going? personally i don't believe in debt like credit card for 'things' that are not necc. my only exception are house and car (which can be called necc.). but it's easy for me to say that from where i'm sitting.

skalogre · Feb 5, 2007

Don't do it. Seriously. I know we here are all pretty much materialistic bastards, but 10k for a chunk of metal with some compressed coal that cost in reality pittance (ALL HAIL De Beers & their monopoly!) is way over the top. I mean, seriously. If you want to do it, go ahead, but you may want to evaluate your financial reality before you do something like this. I hate to mention this but if your fiancee to be would demand something like that, well, you may be in for some rough times ahead. That sense of entitlement over realism is never a good thing - IMHO of course

Edit: Zach and Minhi posted while I was composing my message. I agree with them.

GQgeek · Feb 5, 2007

Is your fiancÃ

e expecting you to spend that much? Don't take-up 15k in debt so that she can out-bling her friends, because showing it off is a large part of what the big rock is all about. Bling-factor aside, a smaller rock says the same thing, as long as you don't go really cheap on her. You could get a very nice ring for half that.

Chances are, she knows your financial situation by now, and she shouldn't be expecting you to take out a loan to pay for an engagement ring. It makes absolutely no sense at all.

lawyerdad · Feb 5, 2007

I generally agree with globe, minhi, and skalogre. I'll add one additional thought/consideration:
Is this something you've ever discussed, even in general terms, with your intended? Is a big, expensive diamond truly important to her, or is it just something you've been led to believe you "should" do? I realize that you may be at a point where it's tough to have that consersation without "tipping your hand". But it's a fairly significant financial decision relating to your intended marriage. How do the two of you together value these sorts of things, how generally in your marriage will you balance the tension between "living in the moment" and the "saving for the future", etc.?
Maybe take her to see Blood Diamond and hope she's so deeply moved that she swears off diamonds forever.

Renault78law · Feb 5, 2007

Before this gets too out of hand, how much I want to spend has nothing to do with what my GF expects. She doesn't demand anything. This is self-imposed. I must be a masochist. An insecure one.

Also, I know some of you feel strongly about this, but let's please refrain from discussing De Beers, blood diamonds, politics, the idiocy of paying $$$ for a shiny stone, etc. I don't want this thread to degenerate until I've received a focused lashing, in full.

Quirk · Feb 5, 2007

Well, you know the answer anyway, so I won't feel shy about piling on with "no, no, no, no, no!"

IMO, the are only three good reasons to spend money you don't have:
1. A house
2. A degree
3. A desperate act of mere survival

Hopefully, she'll understand. If not, that's a whole other conversation...

Full Canvas · Feb 5, 2007

Selecting a more modestly priced engagement ring is not a sign of disrespect to either your finacÃ

e or your impending marriage. When you are more comfortably established at a later date, it might a more appropriate at that time to consider an expensive bauble as a nice surprise for your then wife.

__________________

globetrotter · Feb 5, 2007

here's another idea - you go for a long weekend to (take your pick) colombia, thailand, india, dubai, brussels, tel aviv. you stay in a nice enough hotel, you get a stone (not nessasarily a diamond) for $2000, and you get it set for $500. travel expenses maybe $2000. you have a story and memories, and you are at about 1/3 of what you were thinking of.

my wife's engagment ring is a roman era engraved gemstone - used 2000 years ago as a signet, with an etching of eros on it. she is an archeologist, and her thesis was on carved jewlery with the figure of eros on it. much better than a diamond. guess if it cost more or less than a big diamond.

vanity · Feb 5, 2007

I can't think of a better way to say "Honey, I love you and I'm the man for you" than by showing you're desire to start your future together in debt. For absolutely no reason what-so-ever (besides your "self-imposed...masochist&quot

. She'll really appreciate the forethought you put toward the future. And she has a lifetime of other quality decisions to look forward to. Who knows, maybe she'll wake up tomorrow to see you've sold the house and leased matching BMWs! Yippiee!!

*Doesn't the individual's debt both consolidate when you marry? I don't think she'll appreciate it nearly as much when she becomes the one who's paying for it. If my gf wants to buy me a 60" plasma television, that's cool. But if she finances it then wants to get married right afterwards, that's a pretty ****** present.

lawyerdad · Feb 5, 2007

Always listen to vanity.

skalogre · Feb 5, 2007

Originally Posted by Renault78law

Before this gets too out of hand, how much I want to spend has nothing to do with what my GF expects. She doesn't demand anything. This is self-imposed. I must be a masochist. An insecure one.

Also, I know some of you feel strongly about this, but let's please refrain from discussing De Beers, blood diamonds, politics, the idiocy of paying $$$ for a shiny stone, etc. I don't want this thread to degenerate until I've received a focused lashing, in full.

But...but...I cannot see a thread and not derail it! You meanie!

If I were you, I would sit down first of all with my records, maybe run some projections or graphs of past expenditures (if you use any software like GNUCash, MS Money or Quicken etc) and look long and hard at what financial goals you have or aspire to having. See what the compounded interest payments will do to your bottom line. That alone may - or rather, should? - scare you straight

ps diamonds suxx0rss111!!!!!!

odoreater · Feb 5, 2007

I say go for it. I don't know why everyone is so scared of a little debt. In my opinion, people are way too careful these days and we're losing our edge. Personally, as I've said before, I like to walk along the edge of ruin - it's where I'm comfortable and being there keeps me from becoming complacent and helps me keep my edge, drive and desire - and ultimately makes me more successful.

Going into debt to finance an engagement ring

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