The parenting thread

[Annadale]

Get her to send out the general invite and to wait and see who comes to her house. Don't make too big a deal about it. She is already calculating the pluses and minuses here. This is a very good lesson in loyalty and friendship for her

If the majority don't turn up because they dislike her friend, she will quickly learn that close friends are more important than going with the herd.

If your daughter decides to not invite her friend, she herself is joining that herd.

Point out to her as simply as possible the moral dilemma of her position, and ask her to do what is right, but let her come to the decision on her own. Kids have a very strong sense of justice and fairplay.

This is a very interesting scenario playing out here, and sensibly handled will contribute greatly to her development. Good luck with it!

 

[Alter]

Reviving this to mention that my son just brought home his report card...improved from the last time.

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by Alter

Reviving this to mention that my son just brought home his report card...improved from the last time.

very cool - my son went down on one subject by one point (4 point system). such is life.

how is your son taking the situation?

 

[Alter]

Originally Posted by globetrotter

very cool - my son went down on one subject by one point (4 point system). such is life.

how is your son taking the situation?

You mean the earthquake/Tsunami/radiation situation? He seems OK with everything as we are far removed from the problem areas but he has always had a fear of earthquakes so the initial news two weeks ago had him really stressed. He doesn't verbalize it a lot, though we do try to engage him about it, but I can see that it is something that worries him.

 

[acidboy]

Originally Posted by Alter

You mean the earthquake/Tsunami/radiation situation? He seems OK with everything as we are far removed from the problem areas but he has always had a fear of earthquakes so the initial news two weeks ago had him really stressed. He doesn't verbalize it a lot, though we do try to engage him about it, but I can see that it is something that worries him.

yeah... hope he gets over the trauma soon.

+++

on another note, I bought my firstborn a new bike since she outgrew her old one. its actually beyond what I expected to pay for a kid's bike but she really liked it (a diamondback bmx) and I told her thats her advanced gift for her upcoming award (school's done here and I expected her to get top honor) and she asked how did I know she's getting honors. I just told her that I just know... maybe I should told her that I was really proud of her hard work and her diligence the whole year, and she really really tried, without any complaint at all, her best.

 

[mktitsworth]

Originally Posted by Alter

Reviving this to mention that my son just brought home his report card...improved from the last time.

That's excellent!

I have no idea how I'm going to do the whole grade thing with my son. I've always found them ridiculous and still do. Luckily, now that I'm in grad school, most of the people who've gotten by getting good grades but knowing nothing have already washed out, so that makes things more tolerable. Still, when the time comes, I know that he and I are going to have this conversation and I don't know that I can in good conscience tell him of their importance. He's in a montessori pre-school program atm, so I've got about a year and a half before I have to decide if I want to put him into the rat race that is a traditional school, or find somewhere that better conforms to what I've learned and my ideas about education.

 

[NorCal]

Originally Posted by mktitsworth

That's excellent!

I have no idea how I'm going to do the whole grade thing with my son. I've always found them ridiculous and still do. Luckily, now that I'm in grad school, most of the people who've gotten by getting good grades but knowing nothing have already washed out, so that makes things more tolerable. Still, when the time comes, I know that he and I are going to have this conversation and I don't know that I can in good conscience tell him of their importance. He's in a montessori pre-school program atm, so I've got about a year and a half before I have to decide if I want to put him into the rat race that is a traditional school, or find somewhere that better conforms to what I've learned and my ideas about education.

FWIW I really like the Montessori system and would stick with that if I could and the child was responding well.

 

[Alter]

Originally Posted by acidboy

yeah... hope he gets over the trauma soon.

+++

on another note, I bought my firstborn a new bike since she outgrew her old one. its actually beyond what I expected to pay for a kid's bike but she really liked it (a diamondback bmx) and I told her thats her advanced gift for her upcoming award (school's done here and I expected her to get top honor) and she asked how did I know she's getting honors. I just told her that I just know... maybe I should told her that I was really proud of her hard work and her diligence the whole year, and she really really tried, without any complaint at all, her best.

Sometimes it is worth it just to see the smile on your kid's face.....even if she doesn't get honors.

Originally Posted by mktitsworth

That's excellent!

I have no idea how I'm going to do the whole grade thing with my son. I've always found them ridiculous and still do. Luckily, now that I'm in grad school, most of the people who've gotten by getting good grades but knowing nothing have already washed out, so that makes things more tolerable. Still, when the time comes, I know that he and I are going to have this conversation and I don't know that I can in good conscience tell him of their importance. He's in a montessori pre-school program atm, so I've got about a year and a half before I have to decide if I want to put him into the rat race that is a traditional school, or find somewhere that better conforms to what I've learned and my ideas about education.

I hear you. I actually don't care about the grades per se. I just want to instill him with a sense of ambition.

I am trying a bit of an experiment based on the feedback in this thread. I told him yesterday that since he increased his grades by improving in two areas that he can get two presents. He was thrilled with this idea and completely understood that the treat was being given because of the improvement. He chose a book and a plastic model that we can work on together.

 

[acidboy]

Originally Posted by Alter

Sometimes it is worth it just to see the smile on your kid's face.....even if she doesn't get honors.

absolutely right, eric.

 

[globetrotter]

one of my son's present best friends father is very immature, really not the kind of guy I'd want to hang out with. he's maybe 10 years younger than I am, and has really really long hair (I mean maybe a food long ponytail) and works as a private chef. I honestly think that he is stoned most of the time I see him. all that doens't really bother me, it's just background.

today we went apple picking (we invited the boy to come with us, and the parents invited themselves to join us). anyway, the other kid's father was pulling the two boys in a wagon, and I was pulling a wagon with the other kids and the apples. the OKF kept refering to himself as the boys' donkey, and my son said something like "I'd say more like our ass".

I wasn't amused. part of the problem is that the OKF isn't behaving in a very dignified way, and is encouraging the boys to treat him like a kid, which is confusing to a 9 year old, but I still don't like that lake of respect.

I already did my thing - out of curiousity what would you do?

 

[Geoffrey Firmin]

Anyone with teenage boys here? I have a 17 year old. Where do I begin?

 

[acidboy]



one of my son's present best friends father is very immature, really not the kind of guy I'd want to hang out with. he's maybe 10 years younger than I am, and has really really long hair (I mean maybe a food long ponytail) and works as a private chef. I honestly think that he is stoned most of the time I see him. all that doens't really bother me, it's just background.

today we went apple picking (we invited the boy to come with us, and the parents invited themselves to join us). anyway, the other kid's father was pulling the two boys in a wagon, and I was pulling a wagon with the other kids and the apples. the OKF kept refering to himself as the boys' donkey, and my son said something like "I'd say more like our ass".

I wasn't amused. part of the problem is that the OKF isn't behaving in a very dignified way, and is encouraging the boys to treat him like a kid, which is confusing to a 9 year old, but I still don't like that lake of respect.

I already did my thing - out of curiousity what would you do?

I'd remind my kid that calling someone else an "ass" let alone a grown-up is definitely not allowed, and even if the friend's dad finds it alright doesn't mean it is. my 8 y.o. knows that compared to other families even within the extended family we're strict but she also understands why we have to be so sometimes. if I was in your shoes, Z, I would have made my kid personally apologize to the kid's dad for saying that. so what did you do?

 

[Thomas]



one of my son's present best friends father is very immature, really not the kind of guy I'd want to hang out with. he's maybe 10 years younger than I am, and has really really long hair (I mean maybe a food long ponytail) and works as a private chef. I honestly think that he is stoned most of the time I see him. all that doens't really bother me, it's just background.

today we went apple picking (we invited the boy to come with us, and the parents invited themselves to join us). anyway, the other kid's father was pulling the two boys in a wagon, and I was pulling a wagon with the other kids and the apples. the OKF kept refering to himself as the boys' donkey, and my son said something like "I'd say more like our ass".

I wasn't amused. part of the problem is that the OKF isn't behaving in a very dignified way, and is encouraging the boys to treat him like a kid, which is confusing to a 9 year old, but I still don't like that lake of respect.

I already did my thing - out of curiousity what would you do?

Hmmm. Interesting: it sounds like your son has his own opinion of the OKF, and where it feeds from is up for debate, but interesting nevertheless. I agree that the OKF is part of the problem, but there's not much you can do on that front. Were it my son (and we confront this occasionally), I'd make him apologize for the disrespect - and if the OKF shrugs it off or says it's all good - we're all friends here, then I'd be sorely tempted to tell him how the cow eats the cabbage (our son is taught to respect his elders. period.)

 

[Neo_Version 7]



Anyone with teenage boys here? I have a 17 year old. Where do I begin?

It's the hormones. At least, it was when I was 17.

 

[globetrotter]

yeah, we had him apologize, and then gave him a week without computer or electronic games, but allowing tv. I also had a talk with him about how some adults have more dignity than others, but he still needs to show them respect, and basically told him that I understood that it was difficult with the slippery slope of the OKF, but if he was going to hang out with him, he had to figure out the proper balance.