How do I fix my social skills?

[Suicmez]

+1
To the OP: Speaking from personal experience, I find that I have met the most amount of people through volunteering. I volunteer through a variety of clubs/organizations, and I'm surrounded by like-minded people, which gives us common ground to make conversation about, and it just grows from there. Plus, the type of girls I like (ie, the good looking smart ones who aren't vapid whores) tend to flock towards the same types of clubs. Are you at UWO? I'm in my third year there, PM me if you wanna get some answers and more advice on ****. Also, if you want advice on how to do well, my roommate is in BMOS, he was tops in 2 of his classes last year, I can pass along his tips to you.

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

OP: Spend less time on the internet! Just be social in every situation and eventually it will come more naturally in other situations. When you go to the store, on the street, in classes, anywhere!

Looking for sex really screws things up, too. You need to go out to enjoy yourself. When you have that kind of energy, you will attract partners. Being the guy out looking for sex is like being the guy at a baseball game that brought a glove to catch foul balls and homers. But if it's coming right for you, you had better catch it...

 

[z7f9q]

Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard

OP: Spend less time on the internet! Just be social in every situation and eventually it will come more naturally in other situations. When you go to the store, on the street, in classes, anywhere!

The simplest advice is usually the best advice.

 

[Hehlol]

Your first problem is you're posting on the Internet looking to be told how to be social. It's kind of like the people who read books about picking up women - the guys who aren't reading the books are the ones getting the women because they're actually OUT THERE with the women rather than running through hypothetical situations and rehearsing lines.

The other thing to note is that you'll more than likely just get much better with these things as you get older. Remember to keep your chat positive and complimentary. It never hurts to compliment people, and you can even start a chat with person A by complimenting person B who is somewhere in the room.

It'll get easier. It's important to remember that people won't remember your actions as well as you probably remember theirs.

 

[pseudonym]

Great thread.

What with my own case, I find that people are a little too self-conscious about themselves, and that gives off a negative vibe to the other person you're talking to.

Stop overthinking. Stop wondering what to say next. If you don't know, ask questions, listen, and respond.

I'm not a professional conversationalist, but if this helped me, it will help you (well, whoever needs it).

 

[paraiso]

+1.

I found that the easiest way to make friends with people is to actually give a **** about them and show them some love. From there it doesn't matter what you say or do. You'll eventually find commonalities with other people because we all basically want to be happy and to feel like someone gets us.

 

[goldenbraid]

+1 on joining some clubs, volunteer etc. By doing that you will have people to meet and something to talk about. And you will probably meet others who are joining for the same reason you are.

 

[texas_jack]

like anything, practice.

 

[MetroStyles]

Originally Posted by Incman

Brief info about myself: 18 years old, first year university, good grades, horrible social life, extroverted once i start talking to someone, but I find it completely impossible to go up to someone and start a conversation.

Brief summary of the evening:

Normally I don't leave my house except for school and work, but I've been working on my social life and trying to change that. However, it's been difficult. I saw a page on facebook for a frathouse kegger, and I texted a friend and asked if he wanted to go. He said sure. Now normally I wouldn't go to something like that, but because I was going with a friend I figured it would be alright.

So we go there, and there's something like 200 people crammed into this frathouse, and everyone is essentially in their own groups having a good time. I was intimidated to say the least, but I decided to start the drinks flowing to get a buzz going and see if it would help my shyness. I was semi-drunk, and there were tons of people everywhere, but I still couldn't bring myself to go up to anyone and just talk. I have no problem talking to people even if I just barely know them, but I can't go up to someone out of the blue and start a conversation. I just feel so self conscious in situations like that.

I talked to a couple people (they initiated it) while we were in line for the washroom, but then right after I finished it was right back to the wall to stand with my friend.

I know I'm gonna get a million responses saying "Oh, just go up to people and say hi", but the whole point of this thread is that I find it very hard to do that. It seems like most other people were in groups of their own friends talking and having a good time, and I find it very hard to go up to a group like that and say anything.

I would appreciate any advice you guys have for me, because I want to make the most out of my university career. As much as my actions may seem to the contrary, I don't want to be a wallflower for the rest of my life.

Many thanks in advance.

It sounds like you have minor social anxiety disorder. One program that many people have had success with is "Overcoming Social Anxiety" by Thomas Richards. I recommend you check it out.

 

[ShelterIslandMike]

Here are two tips to get things going until you're comfortably in a conversation:
1. Learn (memorize) some casual comments just to break the ice. Simple phrases such "It's a beautiful day today," "It's a little crowded tonight," "A long day and now this, "That's a beautiful [table, rug, lamp, whatever]," "I love this house," etc.
2. Listen to people and ask questions about what they say or, especially, about them. People love to talk about themselves and will carry the conversation until you have something to say. Just make sure you look them in the eye and pretend you're interested.