Styleforum: Parking Lot Pimpin' - How to Dazzle on the Gravel

[slyguyWT2]

In this installment we will learn how to use the parking lot at your job to your advantage. Parking lots present interesting opportunities because they allow you to interact with females that work in adjacent offices.

Courtship begins before you park. As you drive into the parking lot your car seat should be at an angle no greater than 45 degrees. Jimmy ‘John Boy’ Sutton would often drive with his seat at a 30 degree angle, positioned all the way back, allowing him to look out the backseat window rather than the driver’s window. He would deploy a metal rod hooked to a knob on his steering wheel that allowed him to control the vehicle from such a far distance, known as a jib arm. The jib became a staple among so called ‘parking lot pimps,' and was eventually banned by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration after Frank ‘The Cripple’ Gibbons lost control of his vehicle while jibbing, killing 6 people on a parade float.

Here is an example of how you should position yourself within the vehicle. As you can see, I'm currently "rockin' that white 'Hoe," or "'Hoed up."




Your car stereo is another way to attract attention from females. I recommend aftermarket subwoofers and amplifiers, along with decals that showcase your choice brand of equipment. So called “bass CDs” should complement your “system.”

There are certain things you can and should do as soon as you exit your vehicle. The first of which is repeatedly using your key fob to sound your vehicle’s horn or alarm chirp. This lets any females in the area know that you are driving a current model sedan or sport utility vehicle. For those of you driving classic vehicles that do not have a factory alarm, I recommend installing an aftermarket system. In either case, the trick is to continually chirp the system. On average, I chirp my alarm 5 times for every 10 yards I walk, until I’m out of range. Range extenders are available, and are permissible for advanced players.

When chirping your system, it is recommended that you hold your arm directly above your head, fully extended, with your wrist bent downward like you are just finishing a properly executed jump shot.

In the event that your attempts are successful and you are able to coerce a female into your vehicle, it's important to make sure you are crowned-up. There’s nothing worse than a foul smelling auto, so be prepared and classy with this must have air freshner:





I have only scratched the surface, but I hope you have learned some valuable lessons. Please applaud yourself if you noticed me quickly but deliberately flash a stinker tinker in my introduction video.

 

[Journeyman]

This is great - it's good to see another tutorial from the creator of the great "Posting up at the club/bar" thread.

I look forward to seeing more educational, "how to" guides in the future.

 

[Harold falcon]

Where's Iroh when we need him?

 

[Journeyman]

Where's Iroh when we need him?

Too busy darning sock and dyeing shirts.