dealing with overprotective parents?

[alan]

Well i have a lot of respect for your mom, taking care of you on her own, so you have to realise she has good intentions and means well.

My dad is now in his 70s, im in my early 20s, so theres a big gap here. We were on two totally different pages when i was growing up. They just dont understand how life is now for young people.

In the end, you have to enjoy your life like everyone else your age, otherwise youll always regret these days.

You have to put your foot down on this, discuss and confront your mom about this, but dont have any negative feelings towards her if she doesnt get it, because she loves you and means well.

 

[FIHTies]

Originally Posted by alan

Well i have a lot of respect for your mom, taking care of you on her own, so you have to realise she has good intentions and means well. My dad is now in his 70s, im in my early 20s, so theres a big gap here. We were on two totally different pages when i was growing up. They just dont understand how life is now for young people. In the end, you have to enjoy your life like everyone else your age, otherwise youll always regret these days. You have to put your foot down on this, discuss and confront your mom about this, but dont have any negative feelings towards her if she doesnt get it, because she loves you and means well.
Nice to see that you have a relationship with your mom, and its nice to see that she cares about you and your safety as well. Dont piss that away for a party. Parties come along every week. Mom's (or dad's for that matter) and relationships with them don't. Relationships with a parent are something that you will never regret and the advice you are getting here other than from a handful of people is only because they dont have any relationship with their parents. Talk to her about it, validate her concerns and try to work something out with her so that you are both satisfied and comfortable. (tell her you will call her every hour or something like that.)

 

[Concordia]

Jonathan has this one pegged.
She's just doing her job. I would, too, if I were in her shoes.

You can't stop her from calling the other parents before the party. Remember, she's an adult, too. You can prevent problems during the party by calling home periodically, or some other thing. If you're proactive, she won't embarrass you.

Promise to take a cab home if you're even slightly not sober, or if things look like they're spiraling out of hand. She should be grateful for that and not give you grief later.

 

[West24]

Originally Posted by FIHTies

Nice to see that you have a relationship with your mom, and its nice to see that she cares about you and your safety as well.

Dont piss that away for a party. Parties come along every week. Mom's (or dad's for that matter) and relationships with them don't.

Relationships with a parent are something that you will never regret and the advice you are getting here other than from a handful of people is only because they dont have any relationship with their parents.

Talk to her about it, validate her concerns and try to work something out with her so that you are both satisfied and comfortable. (tell her you will call her every hour or something like that.)

in my opinion bad advice and stupid assumptions. the people here arent telling him this because they have a bad relationship with their parents, its because sometimes parents overreact and in a situation like this noone will really get hurt if he doesnt tell her the truth. i never had to lie to my parents because they were very laid back when it came to parties etc. you may really regret not going, and i doubt you will lose the relationship with your mom over this.

 

[FIHTies]

Originally Posted by matadorpoeta

you should be doing whatever the hell you want and not asking your mom's permission for anything. the less she knows, the better.

Originally Posted by datasupa

If you can't even outwit your mom then you're completely useless.

Originally Posted by Coho

...Yep

Originally Posted by GoSurface

Menendez.

Originally Posted by Fuuma

Hmm how old are you exactly? Because If I understand your comment about NY state correctly you're under 21 but over 18 and I'm feeling quite disturbed about the thought of a somewhat grown man lacking that much balls. Why would you even talk to your mother at this age? You're supposed to be out of the house anyway, especially if your mother is annoying!!

Originally Posted by ccc123

sounds like dad is the lucky bastard here!

Originally Posted by West24

in my opinion bad advice and stupid assumptions. the people here arent telling him this because they have a bad relationship with their parents, its because sometimes parents overreact and in a situation like this noone will really get hurt if he doesnt tell her the truth. i never had to lie to my parents because they were very laid back when it came to parties etc. you may really regret not going, and i doubt you will lose the relationship with your mom over this.
Bad advice? No. The OP obviously cares what his mother thinks and trying to get passed his mom where she already knows about it is a bad idea. Stupid assumptions that the people here that suggested "Not having enough balls for caring what his mother thought or going the menendez brothers route or that she is annoying and he should move out or that dad was a lucky bastard for not being married to her any more or any of the other two year old responses here? Doubtful. You equate for some reason not losing the relationship with mom "getting over it". Mom will always "get over it" for all the millions of times that we hurt our parents they still love us and care about us. As you mature though you begin to realize that its not about doing what you want and having mom forgive you but more about not hurting your parents in the first place. Quite possibly you realize this when you become a parent yourself. The OP has reached that level of maturity. Suggesting even jokingly that he should kill her like the menendez brothers is a sign that the others that have suggested that arent on the same level of relationship.

 

[Fuuma]

1) Please stop with the "when you're a parent" comments, does this mean you can't ever realize something if you never have children? Everyone is different and the things they "realize" will vary and even often go in inverse directions, in addition to changing several times over the course of their lives. You might have realized some things because you became a parent that I already knew at 16 and vice-versa. We might also disagree about what those essential truths are.

2) I feel that at the OP's age it is important to establish some boundaries as to his relationship with his parents and others in no uncertain terms; this might come before or after this age and depends on a sleigh if cultural factors but my assumption is that this is something he would want and that would be beneficial to him. It is not about hurting your parents; although that step often end up hurting all protagonists, but about establishing your relative independence and making your (slow) entry into adulthood.

 

[FidelCashflow]

Only this guy can judge with any certainty how badly this will/won't affect his relationship with his mom. My guess is for most mom's, they'd be mad about it for a few days, but then they'd get over it and just write it off as a one-time thing because he graduated. If that's the case here, then it would be worth it. To the OP: Did your mom and dad ask their parents permissions before getting drunk at parties and going to grateful dead concerts? (Don't actually ask this, it will probably just peak their suspicion)

 

[matadorpoeta]

Originally Posted by Reggs

Trust is always important. If you go, tell her before hand. Don't deceive her.

i agree. the correct thing for the o.p. to do is to tell his mother he is going to a party--, tell her, not ask permission. there is no need to lie.

Originally Posted by FIHTies

Nice to see that you have a relationship with your mom, and its nice to see that she cares about you and your safety as well.

Dont piss that away for a party. Parties come along every week. Mom's (or dad's for that matter) and relationships with them don't.

Relationships with a parent are something that you will never regret and the advice you are getting here other than from a handful of people is only because they dont have any relationship with their parents.

Talk to her about it, validate her concerns and try to work something out with her so that you are both satisfied and comfortable. (tell her you will call her every hour or something like that.)

douchiest post i've read in a long time. are you giving nerd lessons?

the o.p. could say something like, "i'll probably be home by 2, and if i'm going to be late, i'll call you."

at the age of 17, he should not ask permission from his mother for anything. he is old enough to fight and die in a war.

 

[FIHTies]

Originally Posted by Fuuma

1) Please stop with the "when you're a parent" comments, does this mean you can't ever realize something if you never have children? Everyone is different and the things they "realize" will vary and even often go in inverse directions, in addition to changing several times over the course of their lives. You might have realized some things because you became a parent that I already knew at 16 and vice-versa. We might also disagree about what those essential truths are.
Yeah I know...Strange as it may sound but despite the amazing amount of knowledge and insight everyone here seems to have its hard to know what a parent feels like...until you are a parent.

Originally Posted by matadorpoeta

i agree. the correct thing for the o.p. to do is to tell his mother he is going to a party--, tell her, not ask permission. there is no need to lie.
I think that its a little past that. For some reason he let on that there was a party and now as she has let her feelings and opinion let known he now has to deal with it. Or of course he can say "screw you" which is what 80% of the posts here tell him to do.

douchiest post i've read in a long time. are you giving nerd lessons? the o.p. could say something like, "i'll probably be home by 2, and if i'm going to be late, i'll call you."

Nerdiness? No. respect, Yes.

at the age of 17, he should not ask permission from his mother for anything. he is old enough to fight and die in a war.

Ahhh... I get it. The ability to fight and die in a war means that you dont have to respect the person that sacrificed their life as they knew it for you. I am sorry, I now understand.

 

[FIHTies]

Originally Posted by matadorpoeta

douchiest post i've read in a long time. are you giving nerd lessons?
And cmon...You need to browse the fora more or be a little more objective. This was Nowhere close to the douchiest post in a while.

 

[matadorpoeta]

Originally Posted by FIHTies

I think that its a little past that. For some reason he let on that there was a party and now as she has let her feelings and opinion let known he now has to deal with it.
i agree, and i posted how he should deal with it.

explain to me what is disrespectful about telling your mother you are going to a party, telling her what time you'll be home, and that you'll call her if you are going to be late?

calling your mother once an hour, from a party, is the definition of nerdiness. you may be a parent, but i suspect you don't have a son.

 

[matadorpoeta]

Originally Posted by FIHTies

And cmon...You need to browse the fora more or be a little more objective. This was Nowhere close to the douchiest post in a while.

i admit i overreacted.

 

[FIHTies]

Originally Posted by matadorpoeta

i admit i overreacted.

 

[FIHTies]

Originally Posted by matadorpoeta

i agree, and i posted how he should deal with it. explain to me what is disrespectful about telling your mother you are going to a party, telling her what time you'll be home, and that you'll call her if you are going to be late? calling your mother once an hour, from a party, is the definition of nerdiness. you may be a parent, but i suspect you don't have a son.
I dont say he should carry a nextel and let her know who he is talking to every 5 minutes . I do say that he needs to talk to her before he goes and validate her concerns which will probably be enough reassurance for her even if its just acknowledging them and then at the party not being as in touch as he told her he would. She will probably understand and everyone will feel better about the party and the fallout from it will only be positive. If the OP was concerned as to how to deal with his mom as evidenced by his starting the thread, Obviously he cares Obviously he wants to do the right thing and it can be done in a way that everyone is happy. To blow her off and say too damn bad I dont care what you think I am gone is the wrong and disrespectful way to do it despite the majority of people here encouraging him to do that. There is a happy medium here and "Menendez"ing it isnt it. PS: Teenage daughter...beat that.

 

[matadorpoeta]

Originally Posted by FIHTies

I dont say he should carry a nextel and let her know who he is talking to every 5 minutes . I do say that he needs to talk to her before he goes and validate her concerns which will probably be enough reassurance for her even if its just acknowledging them and then at the party not being as in touch as he told her he would. She will probably understand and everyone will feel better about the party and the fallout from it will only be positive. If the OP was concerned as to how to deal with his mom as evidenced by his starting the thread, Obviously he cares Obviously he wants to do the right thing and it can be done in a way that everyone is happy. To blow her off and say too damn bad I dont care what you think I am gone is the wrong and disrespectful way to do it despite the majority of people here encouraging him to do that. There is a happy medium here and "Menendez"ing it isnt it. PS: Teenage daughter...beat that.

i can't picture a woman and a teenager having a calm, rational discussion.

breaking the umbilical cord is going to hurt her. it's hard to do this 'cleanly.' his mother may complain and whine and express all kinds of grief, but in the end she'll be happy that her son is growing into a man. i think the o.p. understood that 'menendez' was just a joke, and i agree with you that some of the advice to deceive her was way off base.