tux without bowtie

I have a wedding next month and want to take my new Corneliani tux out for a spin. The groomsmen are all wearing the classic black tux/black bow-tie combination which precludes me from doing the same. I thought about just doing it, but asked the groom and he said the tux is fine but to avoid a bow-tie since that is how he has his groomsmen dressed. I searched around the forums a bit and much of what I'm reading is that a tie with a tux is no good. The invite actually says 'black tie optional' which makes me think I should be allowed to just go with the classic black bow-tie look as I had planned. Should I press the groom on this? It is his day so unless I'm 100% correct then I'd rather not. Thank you gentlemen for any advice on this matter.

Since the groom specifically answered your question by saying to avoid a bow-tie, I'd say to honor his wishes. On the other hand, on the actual day he probably won't even notice if you end up looking like one of his groomsmen.

While I am not a big fan of a long tie with a tux, I think it would look better than with no tie at all. Or can you pull off a silver or white bow tie?



tullytra said:

Since the groom specifically answered your question by saying to avoid a bow-tie, I'd say to honor his wishes. On the other hand, on the actual day he probably won't even notice if you end up looking like one of his groomsmen.

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You know, I just read the initial post more carefully...how can they designate the wedding as "black tie optional" and then tell a guest not to wear a black bow tie? No offense to your friend the groom...but I think he needs to get slapped by Emily Post.

Your only remaining option is to skip the tux completely. Go for a dark suit (charcoal or navy) and a muted long tie.



MrDaniels said:

You know, I just read the initial post more carefully...how can they designate the wedding as "black tie optional" and then tell a guest not to wear a black bow tie? No offense to your friend the groom...but I think he needs to get slapped by Emily Post.

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this.

Maybe I'll try the silver bow-tie/vest route. That way I won't look like the groomsmen. I agree that it is very lame to call it black-tie optional and then tell me I can't wear the classic black-tie outfit. Thanks for the tips. Any other possibilities of splashing in some color or differentiating myself without stepping on the groom's toes? I just wish I hadn't asked him at this point.



ibartels said:

Maybe I'll try the silver bow-tie/vest route. That way I won't look like the groomsmen. I agree that it is very lame to call it black-tie optional and then tell me I can't wear the classic black-tie outfit. Thanks for the tips. Any other possibilities of splashing in some color or differentiating myself without stepping on the groom's toes? I just wish I hadn't asked him at this point.

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Red pocket square?

ibartels said:

Maybe I'll try the silver bow-tie/vest route. That way I won't look like the groomsmen. I agree that it is very lame to call it black-tie optional and then tell me I can't wear the classic black-tie outfit. Thanks for the tips. Any other possibilities of splashing in some color or differentiating myself without stepping on the groom's toes? I just wish I hadn't asked him at this point.

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Yep, you screwed up. Unless the groom is a styleforum member, you should have asked the bride. I'm sure he's completely ignorant of the fact that you can ONLY wear a black bow tie when the dress code is "black tie."

If he weren't such a bumpkin, he and his groomsmen would be wearing white tie, and the dress code wouldn't be "optional."

More helpfully, what about a bit of subtle color and pattern in a cummerbund?



jk2317 said:

Yep, you screwed up. Unless the groom is a styleforum member, you should have asked the bride. I'm sure he's completely ignorant of the fact that you can ONLY wear a black bow tie when the dress code is "black tie."

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+1 Talk to your friend again and explain the situation. Tell him that the bride has sent out invitations telling people to wear black tie and that he should be prepared to see other people at the wedding wearing DJs and black bow ties. Of course, you should emphasize that you won't wear a black bow tie if he doesn't want you to. I have to wonder, though, if the invitation specifies black tie, why did you ask the groom in the first place? The idea that, since the groomsmen are wearing black tie no one else can, is just silly. I'm pretty sure the groom will be able to recognize them even without special uniforms.



MrDaniels said:

While I am not a big fan of a long tie with a tux, I think it would look better than with no tie at all. Or can you pull off a silver or white bow tie?

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Shameless plug, but if the OP does decide on a long tie I have a black Valentino for sale.

Here are some solutions.

1. Ask to become a groomsman.

2. Wear a white bow tie. It is acceptable to wear with a tux moreso than a long tie. Silver bowtie suggested above could workout too. Maybe offwhite or cream.

3. Wear a business suit instead.


Funny thing is I bet the groomsmen tuxes are those business suit/tux hybrids with two (or three) buttons and notch lapels. Also, square toe shoes. You probably won't look anything close to them with anything you own.

AB01 said:

Funny thing is I bet the groomsmen tuxes are those business suit/tux hybrids with two (or three) buttons and notch lapels. Also, square toe shoes. You probably won't look anything close to them with anything you own.

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Haha this was exactly my experience at the last black-tie wedding I attended. Me in my Mr. Ned tux (midnight blue, shawl lapel) and Alden plain-tie balmorals (sorry, I'm just not man enough for formal pumps... yet). Groom and groomsmen with notches, center vents, and a spectacular array of everything wrong with popular men's footwear today.

We all had on black bowties, and no one confused me for a groomsman.

You definitely shouldn't buy anything new for the occasion. Wear what you have. If it's black tie optional, there will be plenty of people showing up dressed just like the groomsmen. Tough **** for the groom. If you want to add something, wear a red pocket square.