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Subway and Public Transportation Etiquette - The People We Encounter

post #1 of 1740
Thread Starter 
I pretty much hate these kinds of people on the subway. There are a variety of these kinds of people, which I will explain below. Feel free to compare and contrast. Enjoy.

1. The Incher Upper: This is the kind of person who when you are standing by the door inches up to your face and even steps on your toes because the next stop is theirs and they want to be ready to bolt out the door. I mean, back the fuck up. You will get off the train, I will move to let you out, just get yourself off of me. They usually start doing this when the train isn't even nearly at the stop yet, and inch closer and closer so when the doors finally open if you let them they will be kissing your chin.

2. The Rustler: This person could become an Incher Upper and generally acts at the same time. This person will be sitting down and as the train begins to move again is already jumping up and pushing through all of the people, stepping on anything and everything like their life depends on getting to the door all while the train is moving. Motion on the train usually means their steps will be misguided and 99% of the time land on your well polished shoes. Once they get near the door, the may evolve into the Incher Upper.

3. The Backpacker: This is the person that occupies as much space as three people with their giant backpack. They generally stand and are usually reading something and are totally unaware people are trying to get by their enormous backpack. They will usually turn at some point knocking into people giving them dirty looks for not minding their books behind them. When the Backpacker happens to be a Rustler and later evolve into an Incher Upper you will want to die. Hope that you are not holding coffee. I have noticed this person to generally be late teens to early 30's, be either some sort of pseudo-intellectual, European, a person with asperger's, or (and also not as offending) child going to school. I mean I am against anybody wearing a backpack who is out of high school, or unless they are hiking or something, but let us not make this into a "style" conversation. The Backpacker tends to also show up at very crowded bars with the same cluelessness that everybody hates them.

4. The Pole Dancer: This is the dickweed that hugs, or leans on the pole rendering it unusable for support by anybody else on the train. This is pure self-centered behavior and a lack of respect for fellow passengers. If I could get away with it I would kick them in the face. I mean, I should suffer not having anything to hold onto so this lazy, disrespectful prick can lean on the pole? I don't think so. I generally grab the pole and dig my knuckles right into them. Works every time. They move immediately.

5. The Delta Crasher: This is the person who stands right at the door, however doesn't either step off of the train, or move to let people on or off. Another disrespectful asshole. I would kick them in the back, or chest if I could get away with it, however if trying to funnel past them is way too difficult because of the amount of people I plow right through them. Fuck em'. When there are two of them on both sides the double clothesline works best. I must admit going to work I try my best to stand by the door, only because my hands are full and I cannot hold onto anything. If I can hold onto a pole I don't stand near the door. Also, I step off the train to let people on and off because I am such a nice person. I hate the people who see that you are struggling because you have no free hands, yet stand leaning against the door with their arms folded looking at you. They are the Delta Crashers of the worst kind.

6. The Dasher: This is the person that no matter how many people are on the train, or where they are standing if they see a seat open up they dash for it stepping on animals, children, old people and anything to get that seat. My girlfriend notes that she usually sees older Chinese men being Dashers. It is a broad generalization, however she is not the one to make these kinds of generalizations normally, so I cannot confirm or deny.

7. The Sneaker: This is the person that comes into your subway car from the car either in front or behind while the train is moving. You are not supposed to do this, it is dangerous and pointless. When the train stops just switch cars. I have also noticed that this person is usually black for some reason.

8. The Walker: This is the person that while the train is moving decides that they don't like where they are standing so they will weave and push their way to the other side of the train. There is rarely a clear reason for this. If they think the exit to the platform is closer to one side, just walk on the platform rather than inconveniencing people on the train. This person sometimes is also a Sneaker.

9. The Lazy Biker: This is the person who occupies a ton of space with their bicycle. I mean ride your fucking bicycle and get off the subway.

10. Supermom: This can either be a man, or a woman, or a couple. They have a stroller and take up all of this room and look at you like you are supposed to see to their every subway whim because they have a stroller, and one or two other children. The kids are generally crazy, eratic stepping is a hazard for the shoes and they are loud. I mean, I should suffer because you had a bunch of kids? I also love it when they can't control any of the kids. I feel like saying to them, "why don't you have a few more?"

11. The Spread Eagle: This is generally a guy who is sitting down with his legs spread so wide he takes up half of the bench. Now I never sit down on the subway, but this is just ridiculous. You're not tricking anybody. Nobody thinks your junk is so huge your legs needs to be that wide. Please.

12. The Karaoke: This is the person who sings and animates themselves to the music they are listening to in their headphones. You're a dick.

13. The DJ: The person listening to music on their phones, just letting it blurt out so everybody can hear it. You're a dick, nobody cares what you listen to. 99.999% of the times it is rap, modern r&b, pop and it all sucks. This person can also be a Karaoke.

14. The Unconcious DJ: This is the person with music so loud in their headphones everybody can hear it. Many times a Karaoke. If the person is an Unconscious DJ, Karaoke, and Spread Eagle all at the same time, you should kick them right in the balls.

15. The Door Holder: Self-explanatory. They suck.

16. The Beggar: Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry for interrupting you... shut up most of you are frauds. There is even this one guy who makes fun of me every time he sees me. Bad move, he's not getting crap from me and I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

17. The Ridiculously Hot Chick: She is very distracting, and get me in trouble if I am with my girlfriend. She makes all of the other lesser beautiful, but beautiful nonetheless woman self-conscious and feeling ugly. If you are this ridiculously hot riding the subway is a trick, a tease, and you should be either in a cab, or in a limo.

18. The Fare Hiker: This is the asshole that jumps over, or goes under the turnstyle and gets a free ride. Fares are going up astronomically in NY each year, partly because we are subsidizing these assholes. I really want to go berserker on them. Yesterday, this little Asian girl jumps the turnstyle and then rode the train for 1 FUCKING STOP. That happens to be two blocks. Just walk you, fuck!

19. The In Before Outers.: These are the people who are on the platform when the train pulls in and when the doors open they try to board w/out first letting people off. It's common sense to know that you can't occupy a space that is already occupied. Also happens in elevators. (Provided to us by Salad)

20. The Escalator Blockers.: These people haven't learned the "walk left, stand right" rule on escalators. The rule is not specific to subways but that's where it seems to happen most. (Provided to us by Salad)

21. The Hustlers.: I applaud your initiative but you suck. The woman who walks the entire length of the train looking for $5 to help pay for medication, the black muslim who wants me to buy an issue of Final Call and/or a bean pie, the kid selling chocolate bars for his Basketball team even though the season just ended. Short of that he wants a random "donation". The stolen cheap watch seller, etc. and so forth. (Provided to us by Salad)

22. The Newspaper Reader: Guy (always a guy) who reads the paper but doesn't know how to fold it so his arms are not outstretched in front of the people next to him. Not that he cares though. (Provided to us by Salad)

23. The absolutely, positively have to catch this train: This is the time when a train pulls in and it's packed. There's maybe space for two more people and two more people get on. Everyone has their nose in someone else's armpit, but there's just enough room to survive it. Ten others on the platform are like "fuck it, I'll get the next one". All is well with the world. Then someone appears and marches past all the people hanging on the platform and squeezes onto the train, making it utterly unbearable. Combine this with The backpacker and their backpack blocks the doors from closing for about three swipes before they've convinced everyone on the train that they are the antichrist and they make space to let the backpack in. These people should be pushed in front of the train. (Provided to us by Ty_Webb)

24. Wrong-way Charlie: Whenever there is a mass of people descending/ascending the stairs to get from subway to street level or vice-versa, this distracted asshole suddenly puts on the brakes and decides he needs to start moving contra-traffic. It's even more enjoyable when you're walking behind one in less-confined quarters and they suddenly pivot on their heel and walk into you. Wrong-Way Charlie also appears when a mass of people are coming up the stairs and this guy is stepping one everybody's heads and pushing people out of the way to try to get the train. If there is this mass of people 99% of the time the train is gone already so why rush to the platform? (Provided to us by M. Bardamu with additions made by patrickBOOTH)

25. The Ass Sniffer: The Ass Sniffer is the person who when walking up to the street from the subway platform is right on your ass with their noses in it. This person will be so close that their knees hit the back of your heels when you are walking up the stairs and either trip you, or knock your feet forward cracking your mirror polished shoe back into the step. Back the fuck off you New Balance wearing jerk-off.

26. The Noisemaker : This is the "too cool for school" asshole who has to exit through the service door when there is no reason to, setting off the alarm. Subway platforms are loud and cacophonous enough without some entitled prick throwing the door open and stomping away with their gay theme song playing in their ears.

27. The Booth Queue : These are the people that stand in a long line to talk to the MTA worker in the booth. I never have had to talk to this person in my life. What the fuck are these pricks doing? Are they too goo to use the automated machine to buy their tickets? Now I need to walk around this huge ass line of assholes, or plow through them to get down to the subway platform. You're all fucks and I hate you.

28. The Fish Eaters: You know, the people who are prominent on and near Canal St, and also in Sunset Park and Bensonhurst. Usually have an Asian Language newspaper in a plastic bag, and a styrofoam container filled with some god awful smelling concoction that is made up of some sort of fish product, but generally looks like (and I guess smells like) what a mackeral might throw up after having a few too many. You also have, ironically the Chinese Food Eaters who are primarily Black or Latino teenagers, backpacks in hand, eating their General Tsao's Chicken. Sometimes these people are also middle aged slightly plump Black or Latino women coming to or from their job. Provided to us by NewYorkRanger

29. The Sick-os: These are the real assholes, who enter a crowded train, sneezing and coughing into their hands, and then maneuvering throughout the car to presumably infect as many passengers as possible. This class knows no racial or ethnic background and can be anyone from an elderly Chinese man, or a young white banker. They are the biggest assholes, and may be part of a secret Al Quada plot yet discovered by the mass media, but well undr the supervision of the NYPD and homeland security. Thanks to their ethnic and geographic diversity, neither can predict when and where they will strike next, so no increased threat level. Provided to us by NewYorkRanger

30. The Spokesperson for Religion: This is the person who has just found God, Allah, Buddha, Krishna, or some magical turd in the Atlantic, and must tell you about it. Right this instant. He will walk up and down the train screaming at you about how you will be damned if you don't follow his god. If you ignore him (stare past him, read a book, etc) he will frantically wave and flail IN YOUR FACE for three minutes until he realizes you will slog him in the throat if he keeps it up. Provided to us by deadly7

31. Your New Best Friend: This is the person who resembles you in no way; typically he or she will be on the opposite end of the age spectrum. But you do, read, or wear something that s/he just had to come talk to you about, because it's the greatest/coolest/most interesting thing ever. Some will be polite and after a brief inquiry let you go back to living your life; these people are okay. Polite social behavior is fine. Unfortunately, this is the subway. More often than not, the person will use that topic to segue into how you are now great pals because you have XYZ in common. He will inquire about your life, your other hobbies, and a plethora of details you don't care to tell him. For these people I make up lies, since I don't trust any batshit crazy subway riders. Provided to us by deadly7
Edited by patrickBOOTH - 1/19/12 at 10:29am
post #2 of 1740
Depending on the train line I take, The Dasher is either old Asian men or Black women older than 30.

Also, people like those described in the well thought out OP are why I don't take the train unless I can't walk to where I'm going. If I do, I try to go to a part of the train I know will not be packed. I thank God every day that I can walk to and from work so I can avoid the rush hour crush.
post #3 of 1740
Thread Starter 
That's nice that you can walk to work easily. I am jealous.
post #4 of 1740
Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickBOOTH View Post

That's nice that you can walk to work easily. I am jealous.

I'm sort of forced to. The only public transportation I could take would be a cross-town bus that is INCREDIBLY slow and crowded beyond believe. My walk averages around 21-22 minutes. I'd take that over a 20 minute crowded subway trip pretty much any day.
post #5 of 1740
Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickBOOTH View Post

My girlfriend notes that she usually sees older Chinese men being Dashers.

Are these the guys who always seem to be wearing those weird, sort-of canvas shoes? The ones that look like hopsack? Usually brown or navy blue in color. The shoes, that is.
post #6 of 1740
Thread Starter 
Yes! Can be, has been.
post #7 of 1740
Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickBOOTH View Post

That's nice that you can walk to work easily. I am jealous.

I have an approx. 8 minute walk to work, which is awesome.

The Asperger's line in your post made me lol.
post #8 of 1740
Thread Starter 
8 minutes, crazy. My total commute is about 15 minutes and juggling all of these people it feels like 2 hours.

Also, I feel like there are million upon millions of undiagnosed cases of asperger's. I think most people have it. Seriously.
post #9 of 1740
This is good, I've met every type of rider listed.

I would also add:

The In Before Outers.
These are the people who are on the platform when the train pulls in and when the doors open they try to board w/out first letting people off. It's common sense to know that you can't occupy a space that is already occupied. Also happens in elevators.

The Escalator Blockers.
These people haven't learned the "walk left, stand right" rule on escalators. The rule is not specific to subways but that's where it seems to happen most.

The Hustlers.
I applaud your initiative but you suck. The woman who walks the entire length of the train looking for $5 to help pay for medication, the black muslim who wants me to buy an issue of Final Call and/or a bean pie, the kid selling chocolate bars for his Basketball team even though the season just ended. Short of that he wants a random "donation". The stolen cheap watch seller, etc. and so forth.

The Newspaper Reader
Guy (always a guy) who reads the paper but doesn't know how to fold it so his arms are not outstretched in front of the people next to him. Not that he cares though.
post #10 of 1740
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Salad View Post

This is good, I've met every type of rider listed.
I would also add:
The In Before Outers.
These are the people who are on the platform when the train pulls in and when the doors open they try to board w/out first letting people off. It's common sense to know that you can't occupy a space that is already occupied. Also happens in elevators.
The Escalator Blockers.
These people haven't learned the "walk left, stand right" rule on escalators. The rule is not specific to subways but that's where it seems to happen most.
The Hustlers.
I applaud your initiative but you suck. The woman who walks the entire length of the train looking for $5 to help pay for medication, the black muslim who wants me to buy an issue of Final Call and/or a bean pie, the kid selling chocolate bars for his Basketball team even though the season just ended. Short of that he wants a random "donation". The stolen cheap watch seller, etc. and so forth.
The Newspaper Reader
Guy (always a guy) who reads the paper but doesn't know how to fold it so his arms are not outstretched in front of the people next to him. Not that he cares though.

icon_gu_b_slayer[1].gif
post #11 of 1740
Can't believe ya'll have to put up with this shit. Sometimes I think living in New York City is like joining the Church of Scientology. It's cool because a bunch of celebrities do it and it gives you a sense of superiority, but it costs a ton of fucking money, isolates you from your family, and ultimately leaves you empty and soulless.

But I'm just a country bumpkin with a two block walk to work so.....
post #12 of 1740
Quote:
Originally Posted by FLMountainMan View Post

Can't believe ya'll have to put up with this shit. Sometimes I think living in New York City is like joining the Church of Scientology. It's cool because a bunch of celebrities do it and it gives you a sense of superiority, but it costs a ton of fucking money, isolates you from your family, and ultimately leaves you empty and soulless.
But I'm just a country bumpkin with a two block walk to work so.....

I see my family all the time. It helps that almost all my immediate family either works, lives, goes to school, or some combination in NYC.

I don't see myself in NYC for the long haul however, as I do not have the will or money to reach the upper echelons of New York Cititology.
post #13 of 1740
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by FLMountainMan View Post

Can't believe ya'll have to put up with this shit. Sometimes I think living in New York City is like joining the Church of Scientology. It's cool because a bunch of celebrities do it and it gives you a sense of superiority, but it costs a ton of fucking money, isolates you from your family, and ultimately leaves you empty and soulless.
But I'm just a country bumpkin with a two block walk to work so.....

It doesn't cost that much compared to living on some parts of Jersey and Westchester.

Living in the suburbs I never felt so lonely in my life, isolated from society. People with big monuments to their egos with gates to keep people out. Nowhere to get coffee, or a burger at 2am. That is depressing if you ask me. As much as I hate the people I wrote about they make me feel ALIVE. Plus people elsewhere deal with the same people on a daily basis only they are in cars not looking at the assholes right in the face.
post #14 of 1740
Today in the London underground: a guy dressed in a black t-shirt, black jeans and with a generally unkept appearance was balancing a big chrystal ball on his elbows. I suppose he was practicing and thought the vibrations of the train were beneficial. BUT IT WAS RUSH HOUR.

Earlier this week, a couple of hippies probably traveling kept the doors of the train open so all their hippy friends could get in. Selfish bastards.
post #15 of 1740
I am absolutely a Delta Crasher.
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