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Moral Dilemma: GF found out I had another partner when we met

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
Okay, so I'm in kind of a moral dilemma here, and I'm not entirely sure if I've done anything wrong.

The Situtation:

When I met my current girlfriend, I had an ongoing (about a year) friends with benefits type of relationship with a friend of mine who lives about four hours away. Me and the FWB girl have never been exclusive, and it's always been assumed that we're going to date other people. I met my current girlfriend and then we ended up having sex after three or so dates. Immediately after that she left on a trip she already had planned to go visit her parents out of state.

While she was gone, FWB girl had plans from a few months ago to visit me and go see a concert. We ended up having sex that weekend, but when my current girlfriend came back the next week things progressed and we decided to be exclusive. At the time I figured no problem, I'll just stop having sex with the FWB girl.

Fast forward a few months into the relationship, she found out her and I went to that concert together while she was out of state. She asked me directly if her and I had sex when she was out here. I wasn't going to lie to her since she asked me specifically, so I told her yes. Now she's incredibly hurt and thinks I'm the biggest asshole in the world.

Did I do anything wrong here? At the time, me and her weren't exclusive and we had only had sex once. We never actually talked about other sexual partners, she just assumed that since I had sex with her I wasn't going to have sex with anyone else. The dates were clearly done with the intention of starting a relationship, but I had no idea if things were going to work out with her or not at the time. Discuss:
post #2 of 16
Found myself in a similar situation 5 years ago. New GF was pissed at the time but fast forward and it is a funny story my wife now tells people over a glass of wine.
If your new GF is 'The One', then it will become less important with time as she sees you're not a player. If she's not 'the one' then, well, who cares..?
post #3 of 16
I don't really see what you did wrong....
and that's coming from the internet's biggest white knight.
post #4 of 16
Your girlfriend sounds pretty naive. I dont see how you could have done anything wrong considering the two of you were not exclusive. Just because she was committed through her own wishful thinking, it does not constitute a relationship on your part.
post #5 of 16
Drop her now.
post #6 of 16
So lets see...

You were casually seeing someone and decided to choose your current girlfriend over this hookup...and she's angry/hurt?

Newsflash to her: This is the way life works. Sometimes adults have options and we have to make choices. You chose her.

Either she'll get over it or she won't. If she doesn't it's a sign to steer clear smile.gif
post #7 of 16
You can get all the "you're right!" responses in this thread you want, but in the end it doesn't matter because we're not the one you want to have sex with. I suggest you throw yourself on the mercy of the "court" and beg for forgiveness.
post #8 of 16
Always lie about these sorts of things. Honesty with women is overrated.
post #9 of 16
"Listen baby, don't clip this bird's wings. I'm an eagle, not a chicken, and I don't want you to ever forget that. Now be a doll and drop these clothes off at the dry cleaners"
post #10 of 16
lawl, how are you gonna just straight up tell her you double dipped? You will end up alone.
post #11 of 16
Technically, you didn't do anything wrong because you weren't exclusive at the time. However, it's hard to think that she would be totally be ok with it. I mean, how would you feel if she was the one who had a FWB and was banging another dude while she was non-exclusively dating you?
post #12 of 16
Tell her that the way you see it, you did nothing wrong, then explain it as you laid it out here. Say you're sorry about the misunderstanding and assure her that it hasn't happened since you got deeper in the relationship with her, and reassure her that you're committed to her, and as part of that commitment, wanted to be fully honest.

If she still hates you over it, then you now know something about her that you didn't before, and may want to take that into account when deciding if you're going to continue the relationship.
post #13 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambulance Chaser View Post

You can get all the "you're right!" responses in this thread you want, but in the end it doesn't matter because we're not the one you want to have sex with. I suggest you throw yourself on the mercy of the "court" and beg for forgiveness.

+1

This is a problem best left to apologies, expensive dinners, and champagne.
post #14 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambulance Chaser View Post

You can get all the "you're right!" responses in this thread you want, but in the end it doesn't matter because we're not the one you want to have sex with. I suggest you throw yourself on the mercy of the "court" and beg for forgiveness.

And then harbor lingering resentment for this and other things she's unfairly judged you on for years, eventually leading you to become a bitter and resentful old man who hates his wife but stays in a loveless and sexless marriage out of momentum.

If the relationship doesn't work when both sides are open with the other, than it doesn't work.
post #15 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by cptjeff View Post


And then harbor lingering resentment for this and other things she's unfairly judged you on for years, eventually leading you to become a bitter and resentful old man who hates his wife but stays in a loveless and sexless marriage out of momentum.

If the relationship doesn't work when both sides are open with the other, than it doesn't work.
As a great philosopher once said, "You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em." Standing on principle in this instance is only going to make the GF mad and the TS sexually frustrated.
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