My Mom just died and the death of parents.

Beautiful lady. She looked very happy

I am very sorry for your loss

Originally Posted by rnoldh

Click to expand...

My advice to all of you is to hang on to things like that. They get really memorable.
[/b][/I]

+infinity

I'm sorry for your loss, my condolences.

Sorry for your loss.

I'm 27, lost my dad when I was 25. He died very early and it was the toughest year of my life. Mom is still alive and kicking and the family has recovered. Still have dreams about my pops a few times a week. It sucks but such is life.

My condolences to you Arnold. It sounds like your mom lived a full and long life. We all can only wish to be so lucky.

Originally Posted by rnoldh

Click to expand...

I have not posted in a while and there is a reason.

My Mom celebrated her 94th birthday on June 18, 2011 and then died 8 days later on June 26th.

She died in Ft. Lauderdale, Fl. and I have basically just got back from burying her in W Palm Beach, Fl. Because of religious reasons she had to be buried quickly and I live in Houston, Tx. It was very stressful, hurried and hectic.

Since I am an only child and all her friends and relatives are very, very old it was a very small funeral.

I could care less about the kind of funeral I have ( since I am not religious at all ), but of course I followed my mother's wishes. My Mom was only a little religious. But after some thought I figured it was the right thing to do for the family ( some who are religious ) and for my Moms wishes. The funeral was very small small but very nice with only about 9 attendees.

She was buried in W Palm Beach, Fl., not far from Palm Beach and the Breakers Hotel where I would take her for an annual lunch each year. She was definitely not the type to be a guest at the hotel.

Of course at 94 years of age, it was not exactly surprising or certainly before her time. But she did not have any acute illnesses that seemingly would have killed her soon. The Drs. told me it was a cardiac event ( probably a catch all phrase ). I take GREAT SOLACE in that she died in her home, quickly and painlessly. I called a lady the day my Mom died who I had look in on my Mom regularly ( she lived in the same condo complex ), but when the lady got to my Mom it was too late and she immediately called an ambulance, but Mom was DOA at the hospital.

My Dad died in 1970 so it was different and many years ago. Maybe, in a sense they will be together again ( my Mom never re - married ). As I said I am not religious a bit. And with no children, I might get cremated at death and scattered who knows where.

She obviously lived a long life and had her ups and downs. But she always maintained her dignity and independence and there is a lot to be said for that. If anyone comments in the thread, I might tell a story or two about her seeing a young Frank Sinatra and working for civil rights back in the 1950s when Jews could.

Anyway it seems like just yesterday that I gave her a Diamond ring on last years visit to Ft. Lauderdale ( since my Dad could not afford one, way back when ).If I find it, I might post that picture here since I like to remember her happy.

Dying is part of living of course but it is still tough. None of us get out of this thing alive!

I know most here ( with very few exceptions ) are younger than I. Has anyone lost a parent? I am sure many have lost grandparents ( including me who has lost all 4 of course ). It was recommended that I do things ( like this perhaps ) to get my mind off of the grief, so I will do that. Anyone want to comment or share their experiences please do. I'm sure that like in many areas of life, some like me, some dislike me, and most could care less. Truly, no one could think of anyone that disliked my Mom. She was that type of person.

Regards All,
A

What a lovely tribute to your mom. May her memory be for a blessing.

I lost my father years ago, but he was an awful man, and my mother is still alive, so I cannot completely relate to your loss.

I can relate to losing a loved one, however, having lost my husband almost two years ago now. And from my experience from that loss, I will tell you that I disagree with the advice to get your mind off the grief. Especially at this early time.

Grief can't be ignored or bypassed or avoided. Grief does serve a purpose and you will be better off (and actually happier) in the long run if you allow yourself to feel your grief. While it often doesn't feel like it, grief has things to teach you if you're willing to listen.

Originally Posted by juliette2000

Click to expand...

What a lovely tribute to your mom. May her memory be for a blessing.

I lost my father years ago, but he was an awful man, and my mother is still alive, so I cannot completely relate to your loss.

I can relate to losing a loved one, however, having lost my husband almost two years ago now. And from my experience from that loss, I will tell you that I disagree with the advice to get your mind off the grief. Especially at this early time.

Grief can't be ignored or bypassed or avoided. Grief does serve a purpose and you will be better off (and actually happier) in the long run if you allow yourself to feel your grief. While it often doesn't feel like it, grief has things to teach you if you're willing to listen.
+1 to this. Well said.

My condolences. I haven't had to go through this, but my heart goes out to you.

Im sorry for your loss Arnold and I too would like to hear any stories.

I hope talking about her with us helps.

My condolences, Arnold. I recall you telling a number of stories about your mother in the past - she must have been a cool, cool lady. I hope you find peace.

Also, add me to the list of folks who would love to hear some stories. At 90+, I'm sure she was able to remember a lot of history.

Sorry for your loss Arnold. Please share stories if you'd like.

Arnold,

I know that you aren't religious, but you should sit shiva - the act of sitting with some friends and talking about your mother is a great tool for cleansing your grief. I have participated in several shivas, and they seem to be very powerful tools.

Very sorry for your loss.

I went through something broadly similar about six weeks ago, when an ex I had been caring for for four years died after his long illness.

To everything there is a season. This is the season for mourning. Later, there will be a season to cease from it.

The Jewish mourning rituals were useful to me in some ways, for instance as guidelines to the intensity of mourning -- the first week, the, the first month, and in time the year-markers.

Having a forum for remembering her is good as well, whether online or (better) off. As noted above, this is one useful thing about sitting shiva.

As you may have found, it helps to occupy your mind with tasks. Your mind will cast back to your motner whether you like it or not. The sharpness of the loss will lessen with time, but the loss will remain & become part of who you are.

Sincere condolences to you Arnold. Count me among those who would love to hear stories.

Originally Posted by juliette2000

Click to expand...

What a lovely tribute to your mom. May her memory be for a blessing.

...

Grief can't be ignored or bypassed or avoided. Grief does serve a purpose and you will be better off (and actually happier) in the long run if you allow yourself to feel your grief. While it often doesn't feel like it, grief has things to teach you if you're willing to listen.

+1. I hope you will take some time, not too much, but some time, to grieve.

My condolences, Arnold. I understand to some extent your feelings. My father died when I was 9 and my Mom passed away in 2004, at 80 years old. She died from a fall, but had suffered a stroke the year before and was very weak, so it wasn't totally unexpected. But I don't think anyone is ever ready to lose his mother.

I'm comforted by good memories of my mother, as I know you will be also. My mother was a remarkable woman in her own quiet way. She dropped out of high school during the Depression to help care for her 7 brothers and sisters, was one of the first women in the workforce, making fighter airplanes for the Royal Canadian Air Force during WWII, and raised 4 boys essentially by herself. When I asked her why she never even dated after my father died, she said "No one could compare with your father. I've had the love of my life". When I once mentioned to her that I thought she was remarkable, she just shrugged her shoulders and said "I just did what I had to do". At random times, usually when I'm watching an old movie, I'll hear a song I've heard before and smile when I realize that my Mom used to sing it around the house. It's cool that she's planted these memories of her that I don't know I have until they're brought out in some way. I hope you'll reach that point soon, where you can honor your mother by celebrating the good memories.