A typical day in the life of an academic SF member:
10:00 Wake up
10:03 e-mail, load styleforum
10:04 drool at dropcrotch pants lined with mink fur at NMWA--can't afford to buy though
11:00 Bike to office in University campus
11:15 surf porn, but look like you are doing a review or reading some paper
12:00: Meeting with grad student who is your TA. You don't want to teach, he doesn't want to TA. You come to an unspoken gentleman's agreement--neither does nothing, and neither reports the other. Wink wink. He is having g/f issues--she got a dream job teaching Medieval Church Chants at some West Coast university, but TA wants to stay here! Ah, "the classic 2-body problem". Never mind neither one of you knows about what a 2-body problem really is, since that is so old fashioned learning! Now you just stick it into Matlab and some pretty picture will come out. Perfect for that talk at the big meet next weeking...which reminds you.
12:05: Tell A.A. to book flight to SanFran for meeting. Extra days needed for SF meet, ski-trip, gay flings in the Castro district
12:30: Lunch with mandatory espresso and biscotti
13:00: Have to teach. FML!!! Show up late and un-prepared. Undergrads don't care, you don't care, it's win-win
14:00: Wander around campus, looking busy. But really, it's "cruising time"---so many hot young chicks, hot guys, guys with cool fits, etc etc.
14:30: Pop into University wood shop, to work on your hobby---Making dildos out of Brazilian rosewood, and selling them on Styleforum B&S.
15:00: Departmental cookie hour. Show up looking frightfully busy, say "Reviews! Reviews! How many more!". Have anecdotes to wow the sycophantic grad students. Grab cookie. get out.
15:05: Back in office, on computer. Surfing porn. But looking like you're very busy
16:00: Departmental colloquium. Have to show up and ask question that defends your research and humiliates the Visiting scholar from England. Have to sit in front row, leg slung over other leg.
16:45: Schmooze with department head and visiting US Navy bigshots. Make sure "wink wink" is in order with Dept Head--you do no work, he doesn't hold you to doing work, win-win for all.
17:00: Dinner with Visiting Scholar. Time to pretend like you understand Tuscan wine and the difference between bearnaise and hollandaise.
20:00: Pub with Visiting Scholar. Mend fences for ripping her talk, with no basis for doing so.
21:00: Secret date with new grad student from Poland (the one on the 2nd floor, you are on the 4th floor)
22:00: Cruising in lclub district near where you live.
23:00: Back home, chill-out music, surf net, post on Styleforum
23:30: Crash for the night after shooting limoncello, Life is beautiful!
Day in the Life of a Real Life Job SF member:
5:30: Alarm goes off, rush out of bed
5:31: Shower, shave, get dressed in Classic Menswear (normal-style, not SF-sanctioned dandyism)
6:04: Subway to work
7:00: At desk. Check mail. There is panic. Something's going on in London--3 pf clients want explanation. Client in Luxembourg wants out.
7:01: Quickly check FT, Bloomberg, ThomsonOne. NO TIME TO THINK! WHAT THE F IS GOING ON!?!?!? WHO CARES!! MAKE SOMETHING UP THE RETARDS WILL BELIEVE!!!
7:05: SHowtime! Thump chest, gorilla style!! thump thump thump thump! Put your charm on. Get on phone with London, telling them your explanation. They don't understand you, but you phoned, so it's all good.
7:30: Meeting with MDs. One has clearly been on crack last night again. Give your spiel.
8:00: On TV with Bloomberg. GIve your version
9:00: Update spreadsheets
9:11: Continue updating spreadsheets. Quick reports e-mailed to Luxembourg
9:30; Check styleforum. Stanley van Buren has posted a fit. Need to comment...no time. Move on.
10:00: More companies will report this afternoon, need to update spreadsheets
12:00: Lunch at desk
12:01: Nearly choke by eating lunch so fast.
12:07: Notice strange lump at side of neck, no time to check further.
12:08: Back to spreadsheets, reconcile with most recent filings
15:00: Companies report. Update s/s. e-mail.
15:15: Phonecall interview with ThomsonOne, Bloomberg, MarketWatch.
16:00: Analyst's Report out to Bloomberg
18:01: Nearly choke again
18:02: Dinner done
21:01: Check SF. My account is banned. Why? No time to make another, need to go home.
21:03: Subway home
22:00: Home, make new SF account. post. post deleted within minutes.