How important is sexual compatibility in a relationship?

Originally Posted by Saucemaster

Click to expand...

LOL, and here I've seen how (seemingly) easy my gay friends have it and wondered if it's easier dealing with men. The grass is always greener. Plus at this point, I think every one of my friends who's gay is over 18,which seems to be sort of like being fat, short, bald, and shy is for a straight guy.

Fixed.

Gay men have it easy when it comes to meaningless, frivolous sex, without any emotional involvement/attachment. I think the difference is that I have a brain, and use it, which doesn't work in my favor in the gay community. My friends tell me I need to let go, but I don't think I should have to lower my standards, especially when they concern hearts and minds, not bodies.

Originally Posted by 65535

Click to expand...

Side *****, or a new chick.

You need to make her understand that sex is important to you. 2x a day is excessive. I sure as hell couldn't keep up that pace for over a week. Once every couple of days is not too bad, but if you want more, there is no reason for you to get less.

You're young and a man, so you are automatically worth more on the meat market. How much older is she? She needs to understand that come 25-26, she'll follow a similar depreciation curve as a ford taurus. She should use it while she has it, because there will come a time when she'll be a fetish as opposed to generally desirable.

Side ***** in this instance is justified becasuse you're not doing it out of spite or to hurt her. You'd be doing it because she can't meet your needs. It's a matter of logistics. And you mentioned that once every 2 days is pushing it for her... so you'd be doing her a favor.

This is just wrong on so many levels.

Originally Posted by whodini

Click to expand...

Please start a twin thread over at purse forum.

kthx.

1. don't tell me what to do
2. don't be jealous that i signed up there to talk to vaclav

Originally Posted by kwilkinson

Click to expand...

This is just wrong on so many levels.

That mentality isn't right for everyone, doesn't mean it's wrong. Speaking from experience, it works great.

A good relationship is one where the woman is just a little bit uneasy. Even if you don't tap into some side, the knowledge that you can and are willing at the first hint of bullshit, removes any opening she has to *** you up.

Fellas, if you're unhappy in a relationship, it's YOUR FAULT for being a *****.

Originally Posted by 65535

Click to expand...

That mentality isn't right for everyone, doesn't mean it's wrong. Speaking from experience, it works great.

A good relationship is one where the woman is just a little bit uneasy. Even if you don't tap into some side, the knowledge that you can and are willing at the first hint of bullshit, removes any opening she has to *** you up.

Fellas, if you're unhappy in a relationship, it's YOUR FAULT for being a *****.

I can see where you're coming from. Got to remain in control and power at all times, and this goes for everything, not just relationships.

A good example is a lengthy interview i read about Karl Lagerfeld, he was talking about his relationships with people and he mentioned his philosophy about always having a sword of damocles hanging around...i think he has the right idea.

Originally Posted by 65535

Click to expand...

That mentality isn't right for everyone, doesn't mean it's wrong. Speaking from experience, it works great.

A good relationship is one where the woman is just a little bit uneasy. Even if you don't tap into some side, the knowledge that you can and are willing at the first hint of bullshit, removes any opening she has to *** you up.

Fellas, if you're unhappy in a relationship, it's YOUR FAULT for being a *****.

And it's also not your place to make a person you supposedly "love" feel uncomfortable because the only thing you're really after is some *****. You, my friend, are the reason that women are so jaded when it comes to men and so hard to earn their trust. I find it funny that you call other people pussies when you can't even come to grips with the fact that if you're willing to use the fact that you could cheat to guilt-trip a girl into ********** with you more often, you are more fucked up than I could dream of being.

Originally Posted by 65535

Click to expand...

That mentality isn't right for everyone, doesn't mean it's wrong. Speaking from experience, it works great. A good relationship is one where the woman is just a little bit uneasy. Even if you don't tap into some side, the knowledge that you can and are willing at the first hint of bullshit, removes any opening she has to *** you up. Fellas, if you're unhappy in a relationship, it's YOUR FAULT for being a *****.
I'm seem to remember something pissing you off...

Originally Posted by 65535

Click to expand...

-The bullshit in man-woman relationships. The constant 'pimpimg' a man has to do to keep the woman interested. The fact that you can never just love them like you want to, because they'll think you're a *****. The fact that you have to constantly one-up them in the mind games department The fact that your manhood is constantly under scrutiny by them. The fact that society deems we have to accept the lie of love when it's really just a game a man can never win at.
A good relationship is one wear both parties are happy. Anything else is selfish, from either end.

that's another side of it...i can see both sides of the argument, i'm not going to say whether either one is morally superior, but the fact is that people can be manipulative and turn on you at any second, so it's always comforting to know that you are at least aware of and in control of your side of the playing field.

i have a feeling 65535 has been reading a bit too many PUA books though.

Originally Posted by Fade to Black

Click to expand...

that's another side of it...i can see both sides of the argument, i'm not going to say whether either one is morally superior, but the fact is that people can be manipulative and turn on you at any second, so it's always comforting to know that you are at least aware of and in control of your side of the playing field.

i have a feeling 65535 has been reading a bit too many PUA books though.
Am I honestly the only person here who thinks that one of the most important facets of being in love is giving your significant other the power to break your heart and crush your entire world but trusting them enough not to?

Maybe I just haven't been burned enough, but still.

Well, in a mutually loving relationship where that kind of trust is present, of course it would be completely wrong to go the path 65535 is heading. But with relationships, friendships, any kind of human connection, i think it is rare to find such a perfect bond of mutual trust and respect that can go on for many years in today's society. Not impossible, but definitely quite rare. If you are in such a relationship, then I am truly happy for you, as you are in a position that many (including myself) would love to be in.

Originally Posted by Fade to Black

Click to expand...

Well, in a mutually loving relationship where that kind of trust is present, of course it would be completely wrong to go the path 65535 is heading. But with relationships, friendships, any kind of human connection, i think it is rare to find such a perfect bond of mutual trust and respect that can go on for many years in today's society. Not impossible, but definitely quite rare. If you are in such a relationship, then I am truly happy for you, as you are in a position that many (including myself) would love to be in.

I like to think I'm in that kind of relationship. But I'm young, so by most people here, it will be dismissed as nothing more than puppy love, I'm sure.

Anyway, I guess you are correct, it seems 65535 are talking about two fundamentally and completely different situations. I've just never been anywhere near the kind of relationship that I would want to use those kind of tactics in.

Originally Posted by iammatt

Click to expand...

Every kind of compatibility is important in a relationship, including sexual. I can't imagine schedluing out my sex life, but if it works fo you, I guess that is fine. To me it sees like something better left to the desires of both parties, as if it is not, somebody is going to feel put out eventually.

Haha, I think you guys have misunderstood what every day unless she's tired means. Nothing is scheduled, we've come to an understanding where that is the essential outcome.

PUA? I had to google that one LOL. I read one of those back in my teens. It was the biggest pile of dog **** ever. Not that it was blatantly incorrect, but that it was flawed in its way of teaching. I think those books try to teach shortcuts and ways to act a certain way, so people just apply it blindly and of course fail. Instead they should try to induce the mentality that makes confidence and like-i-give-a-fuckness flow as a result of it.

We all want love, even a heartless machine like me. But it's not possible to love a girl on her terms, simply because what men want and what women want are fundamentally different. Women need direction. They don't even know what makes them happy. They define happy based on you. If you can't lead a girl, you're done.

You can give yourself to a woman completely, and suddenly, a week, two later, she says or does something that you can't really pin down in your head, but your gut feeling says "god damn, i hate this chick right now." And I know everyone has seen or been through this. Probably you saw your dad lose his mind at something innocuous your mom said as a kid. Maybe it's happened to you.

Welcome to mind games, level 1. It starts off as something dumb, something minor. She'll make a snide comment, put down a buddy of yours, trash you for playing your xbox, and then it builds from there. Before you know it, she thinks you're a ***** because you let her get away with all her subtle disrespect. And if you can't protect yourself from her, how can you protect her from the world?

Sex becomes a once a week thing, then twice a month, then once every 2 months, and then only whenever she detects you're liable to go on a stabbing spree because you haven't had it in so long. And then she leaves.

The only way to win is to not play. So she pulls a really slick move in this chess game that is the mind game (i don't play chess, but pretend it's such a sweet move that you're fucked, instantly. Checkmate).What do you do to get out from under that rock????







FLIP THE GODDAMNED CHESSBOARD OVER. Your rules. Make it your game. And you don't have to play, but she does, because she can't exist without it. IT DEFINES HER.

When does the above not apply? In those rare, 1 in 1B cases where the girl is intelligent enough to rationalize her emotions. She's still subject to them, but can see her craziness when it's pointed out. This is the only case where the above doesn't apply 100%. But it still applies.

Now, pussies will scream and stamp their feet about this being anti-woman rhetoric and engage the thought police. Bullshit. This is based on the knowledge that what women do to you isn't out of malice. It's nature. They want to test their man to make sure he's the guy that can always guarantee their safety, emotional and physical, and if she can play you like a puppet, you're FINISHED.

-=-=-=-

tl;dr?

Fade to Black understands exactly what I'm talking about, and is thankfully much more articulate. Thanks for posting your thoughts


Kwilkinson, i reread your post. Get married, and be god damn miserable like 80% of married guys out there. When enough is enough, I hope you don't gun down your family but instead remember this thread and start to apply the mentality to your own life, watch it do a complete 180 back into happiness and shed a tear over how mean you were to me today.

The idea we have of love is so powerful and noble. It's too bad it isn't realistic. Even with the mythical creature, the smart rational girl who is aware of her emotional nature, you still have to fight to protect your manhood, just not as hard. It won;t be a constant battle, but every 6 months when that challenge comes, you better god damn face it.


Vis a vis sex:

Ask yourself this:
1- is it important to you
2- are you HAPPY living your life without it

If you;re like me, you answered yes, and no. And when you realize that we have precious few years on earth, the no-******* status quo becomes so objectionable that you are willing to lay aside your personal morality in an attempt to satisfy your needs, whatever form that attempt takes.

If you don't care about it either way (something i envy if true), then feel free to stay in a sexless relationship, but you still have to stay a man, and therefore desirable.

For the OP:

If you're not happy, and you're not married with kids...

You either ditch her outright, ante up (tell her you need to get ********* wet more often), or keep her and get side.

I could go on for hours but this post is already way too long.

I look forward to reading challenging responses. Keep the ad hominem bullshit to a minimum and this thread can become epic.

65535, i admire your honesty and your ability to present your thoughts in such a manner, a lot of it does make sense, and i would agree with pretty much most of it. That post you just wrote may come across as a bit too blunt and perhaps one-sided to some people, but unfortunately this is all too true. If there's one thing I've learned about life and people in the short time i've been on earth so far, the more you want something, and let this desire, this burning need for that one thing manifest itself to the surface, you give in to desperation and eagerness, and the more it will elude you and crush your spirit when the fall comes. 'Don't give a ****-ness" is a much needed virtue in these troubled times.

Originally Posted by iammatt

Click to expand...

Side ***** is never the right answer. If that is what you want, stay single.
I wouldn't be as blunt as 65535 but, speaking as a Dan Savage fan, I must say I do believe side ***** can be the answer. If two persons are so incompatible in terms of sex drive that no compromise can be reached that satisfies both, then it is the only way to save the relationship. If possible, with an agreement by both parties.