Wedding gift expectations....

Perhaps this is the kind of thinking that has made you and your family so financially successful.

Originally Posted by Ambulance Chaser

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That's the question I had. I suppose you can have a cash bar at the reception, if you don't mind forever being known as the guy who was too cheap to have an open bar. I agree that you should not worry about gifts. The wedding is for the couple's friends and family, not the couple.
+1 A guest should not pay for anything. That's why you're the host and they're the guest. Cash bar is absolutely horrid.

Originally Posted by chorse123

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nevermind, I misinterpreted the question. I don't think guests should be expected to give anything.
+1

Originally Posted by sygyzy

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Perhaps this is the kind of thinking that has made you and your family so financially successful.
Ooh burn..

Originally Posted by sygyzy

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Perhaps this is the kind of thinking that has made you and your family so financially successful.

Why don't you read the whole thread before opening your condescending mouth.

DL

Originally Posted by dl20

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Why don't you read the whole thread before opening your condescending mouth.

Condescending? This! Is! Styleforum!

Alot of hostility in this thread.

Perhaps I should elaborate on my situation. My fiancee just started working as a lawyer about 6 months ago and I still have 2-3 yrs left before I finish my doctorate and can work full time so finances are already tight right now. We are trying to pay for the wedding and buy a house before the market turns around. I didn't think it was inappropriate to make this post in a candid manner as what we do receive in gifts will determine what we can do for a honeymoon. We're both young professionals who are just starting off, perhaps some of you can try and remember when you were in my situation before throwing around insults.

You also can't honestly tell me that you didnt swallow hard before writing a check for such a large sum for a basically a 5 hour event.

DL

Originally Posted by lawyerdad

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Condescending? This! Is! Styleforum!

Everyone's entitled to their opinion lawyerdad but at least read the friggin thread first!

DL

Originally Posted by lefty

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Let's say it is, how exactly are you going to impart this info to your guests?

lefty

I would let common sense dictate that 50$ cash doesn't cover 2 plates

RE: cash bar, I would never do that. It is a problem however that some of her relatives don't know when to stop and im not sure how to go about handling that. Her mother got married about a year ago and people were getting sick from drinking so much, it was a complete disgrace that won't be happening at my wedding, even if the bartenders need to get a few hundred each to cut people off when necessary.

DL

Originally Posted by dl20

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Everyone's entitled to their opinion lawyerdad but at least read the friggin thread first!

DL

Methinks you missed my point. We don't do that here.

But somewhat more seriously, I suspect sygyzy read the thread, as I did. The point several people have made with varying degrees of politeness is that yes, it can be painful to shell out that kind of money, especially at a point in life when you don't have much (at least relatively speaking). But that said, you either do it or you don't, but projecting some sort of expectation onto your guests seems bad form.

Regardless, congrats and best wishes for the marriage, which is far more important (and fun, at least most of the time) than the ceremony.

Originally Posted by lawyerdad

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But somewhat more seriously, I suspect sygyzy read the thread, as I did.

Thanks for your congratulations lawyerdad. My point was simply that if he read the thread he would have seen where I said that my fiancee and I were paying for the wedding and that $$$ is tight as my parents financial situation has nothing to do with mine.

DL

Originally Posted by dl20

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Thanks for your congratulations lawyerdad. My point was simply that if he read the thread he would have seen where I said that my fiancee and I were paying for the wedding and that $$$ is tight as my parents financial situation has nothing to do with mine.

DL

That's irrelevent. Don't go into the wedding expecting anything. If you can't afford it don't do it. That being said, congrats.

Looking at things the way you do, you should realize that your wedding is a bad investment - or at least the reception is. If you want your reception to generate enough cash for your honeymoon, just forget the reception, take the cash and go on your honeymoon. Otherwise, suck it up now and take the honeymoon you want later when you can afford it.

But add me to the list of people who think you are thinking about this whole venture in the wrong way. You get points for revealing candor, but lose points for what the candor reveals.

One more comment - weddings can be great or they can suck, but either way, you are married at the end. If that is what you want then don't worry to much about how the reception will turn out. In the end, you and your bride will be married.

Originally Posted by dopey

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Looking at things the way you do, you should realize that your wedding is a bad investment - or at least the reception is. If you want your reception to generate enough cash for your honeymoon, just forget the reception, take the cash and go on your honeymoon. Otherwise, suck it up now and take the honeymoon you want later when you can afford it.

But add me to the list of people who think you are thinking about this whole venture in the wrong way. You get points for revealing candor, but lose points for what the candor reveals.

One more comment - weddings can be great or they can suck, but either way, you are married at the end. If that is what you want then don't worry to much about how the reception will turn out. In the end, you and your bride will be married.

I'm also trying my best to make my fiancee happy. She would be the first to say cut this and that but I know she wants a fairytale wedding and I do want her to have it. I'm finding the whole thing to be rather stressful to tell you the truth.

DL

I think everyone's being a little tough on the OP. For better or worse, there are social conventions with regard to wedding gifts. Why bash him for being aware that they exist? Asking us about it isn't the same as telling his wedding guests what to give.

Imagine the question from a guest's point-of-view: how much should I give? From casual observation, it seems like $300 a head is normal in NYC if you're a young professional. That sounded like I lot to me, but what do I know? All my friends are starting to get married now, so it will be interesting to see what patterns arise.

Originally Posted by mafoofan

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I think everyone's being a little tough on the OP. For better or worse, there are social conventions with regard to wedding gifts. Why bash him for being aware that they exist? Asking us about it isn't the same as tell his wedding guests what to give.

Imagine the question from a guest's point-of-view: how much should I give? From casual observation, it seems like $300 a head is normal in NYC if you're a young professional. That sounded like I lot to me, but what do I know? All my friends are starting to get married now, so it will be interesting to see what patterns arise.

ehhhh! a little support, thanks. I think this thread went south when the assumption was made that I was expecting a certain sum from the wedding gifts when in reality my initial post was asking if others considered covering your plate as a social norm.

I had always made the assumption that covering your plate was expected which is why I posted this thread in the first place. Interesting to see that my ideals are not shared by all and that a certain percentage of freeloaders are represented in any stratum of society.

DL

I got married last year. We are both "young professionals," as the posters in this thread call it, but at the time both still in school. Our marriage probably cost significantly less than what it seems like dl20 is spending, although we only paid about half of the cost (both sets of parents picked up about 1/4 of it). Obviously, we are a little younger than dl20 and his fiancee so our cost amount and cost sharing was more natural in our situation, I think.

We definitely didn't expect to come out ahead at the end of the day, and we didn't. (We might have come out even in terms of the total value of gifts received, but certainly not in terms of cash in our pockets). We just didn't have enough money to do a honeymoon at that time, although if one of us had been working full time we would have. That would have clearly increased our costs a lot.

Obviously there are social norms, and most, if not all, of our guests covered or more than covered the cost of their plates, but to view it as an accounting wash would have been a mistake - a wedding is a consumption event, not an investment.