Being ostracized at work

Its a defense mechanism...

Dont continue making jokes to try and be thier friends... just be nice and courteous towards them when applicable- demonstrate that you don't mean any harm (its not like you are trying to get them fired or anything). It almost sounds like you are teetering on the edge of the "trying to hard ot fit in" crowd. Let it come naturally rather than force it.

It is just a different philosophy on work between you and them. Try and find a crowd at work that subscribes to your same philosophy.

Originally Posted by lee_44106

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Not true. Consider this: work Mon-Fri, 8AM-5PM, that's 5 days at 9 hours a day, that's only 45 hours a week.

I believe in getting my priorities straight. My family comes first above all else. My job is to get me the income to support my family, nothing else. My job is a means to an end.

Develop friends outside of work. Most people get caught up trying to make friends at work, this not only distract you from doing your work but also potentially create hostile/unpleasant environments if relationships turn sour.

I'm not trying to say it's best to be a social hermit at work, what I'm saying is that it's important to be polite, friendly, socialable, and approacheable. But don't make the mistake of joining cliques and trying to find friendship/companionship at work.

Try this:

Nominal working hours: M-F 9am-5:30pm
Real working hours: M-F 9:30am - 10/11pm and countless nights working in the office till 1/2am and occasional overnights. Plus the half days on Sat and Sun.

I've never worked in a job that I can finish or leave work at 5:30pm, whether I was just starting out or in managment. Not even when I was in business school. I am not in consulting nor investment banking.

What I meant - one should not feel obliged to make friends or socialize with people at work. I actually tried to avoid those social functions organized thro work as I spend enough time with them in the office. But the long hours, constant interaction at work, you sometimes ended up making friends or enemies there too.

But I really like the work I do, so that's probably why I can put up with those hours.

Originally Posted by grimslade

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It's natural for us to sympathize with the OP, but I had something of the same reaction. I think he needs to at least consider the possibility that, as the new guy and "go-getter," he's alienating his colleagues in ways he doesn't intend.

Maybe that's wrong and they're all just losers, but the odds seem to cut the other way. I'd find the person in your group that seems least hostile to you and take him/her to lunch. Sit down and say, "Look, I'm the new guy, and I feel like I'm missing something. If I've done something to piss everyone off, I'd really like to know about it so I can change my ways." Maybe you'll learn something important. Maybe you'll learn that your perception is right and everyone is just jealous of you, or maybe no one will tell you why they don't like you, but you can hardly be worse off for trying to get to the bottom of it.

I took my guy out 3 times and had a talk with him about it, and he dramatically improved - his work is jsut as good, he just causes me a great deal less conflict

Socially, keep doing the same you do there as well. Keep trying to fit in, socialize, smile. Don't let their smallness and their persistence to ostracize you to make you fail in that area. Dont let them get the best of you. Just keep at it. Nothing you are doing is wrong from what I read. Good luck to you.[/quote]

I agree with this. Be polite and pleasant, do your good job and let it all roll off you.

There was a manager (I didn't report to him) in a job 15 years ago who sneered at me (with the teeth and all) given the chance - that's the type of thing that could get one's nose busted in the street, ... but business condones this sort of thing. Lots of psychos out there.

Originally Posted by lurker

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Try this:

Nominal working hours: M-F 9am-5:30pm
Real working hours: M-F 9:30am - 10/11pm and countless nights working in the office till 1/2am and occasional overnights. Plus the half days on Sat and Sun.

I've never worked in a job that I can finish or leave work at 5:30pm, whether I was just starting out or in managment. Not even when I was in business school. I am not in consulting nor investment banking.

What I meant - one should not feel obliged to make friends or socialize with people at work. I actually tried to avoid those social functions organized thro work as I spend enough time with them in the office. But the long hours, constant interaction at work, you sometimes ended up making friends or enemies there too.

But I really like the work I do, so that's probably why I can put up with those hours.

my god how could anyone put up with those hours....
I wil a maximum of 8 hours day from monday to friday (but usually 6) and if i have any meeting to do on saturday i usually take out that time from one of the days of the week.

Anyway it is just job. I for one try to avoid socilaizing with my workers and try not to allow a social atmosphere to exist within the managment and planning level for the very problems mentioned concerning office socializing.

of course anyone that works that crazy schedule would have to take into account the social atmosphere of the work place, but for my limited experience in the work place and talking to other businessmen the nomr still seems to be a maximum of 8 hours shifts, so as one could avoid the social aspect of the job withouta problem.

Originally Posted by VMan

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I'll +1 this. You are not going to get along with everyone at work. However, if you are ostracized by everyone in a group, it is a good sign for you to re-evaluate your own attitude and behavior. I will say that nobody likes a guy who thinks that he is the ****, and the original post suggests that the OP thinks he is just that compared to his co-workers.

Originally Posted by LA Guy

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I'll +1 this. You are not going to get along with everyone at work. However, if you are ostracized by everyone in a group, it is a good sign for you to re-evaluate your own attitude and behavior. I will say that nobody likes a guy who thinks that he is the ****, and the original post suggests that the OP thinks he is just that compared to his co-workers.

I was picturing more like

Maybe he has cooties, I heard Creg in class 2B has cooties and we've been stealing his lunch money ever since.

Originally Posted by HomerJ

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I was picturing more like

That's perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Start your own business and get out of the rat race.

Originally Posted by Jl24

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I don't mean to brag, but I'm thinking it might be because I'm slightly better qualified, I do a more competent job, and my coworkers are just insecure? My coworkers are the type to just come in, do their work, and leave. On the other hand, I've always been a bit of an overachiever, going the extra mile every now and then, and my superiors have noticed that.

If this is the you that your coworker perceive, its no wonder you have a problem. Even if all of this is true, that attitude is bound to be off putting to the people who have to deal with you every day. Maintain your standards, but make sure that your not presenting yourself as being habitually condescending.

Originally Posted by HomerJ

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I was picturing more like

Perhaps the OP could challenge his co-workers to Kumite.

Originally Posted by LA Guy

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Perhaps the OP could challenge his co-workers to Kumite.

I was we could give rep on the styleforum....

Originally Posted by Jl24

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Anyone ever been ostracized at work by your own group? How do you deal with it?

I've been working at my company for about a year now and I'm still left out of my own department. When we do go to company lunches, they go into their cliques and just ignore me. I try to chitchat with them but they rarely pick up their end of conversation and I end up doing all the talking ... but when another member of the group talks with them they just keep going. Lately they've been making jokes at my expense, but when I make jokes they're met with silence.

I get along well with people in other departments ... for some reason it's just my group. I don't mean to brag, but I'm thinking it might be because I'm slightly better qualified, I do a more competent job, and my coworkers are just insecure? My coworkers are the type to just come in, do their work, and leave. On the other hand, I've always been a bit of an overachiever, going the extra mile every now and then, and my superiors have noticed that. I'm also the newest member in the group.

Anyone been ostracized at work because they're good at what they do? I've heard it happen before. What can I do to deal with this?

People are like wild game. To a great extent, you have to let them come to you. If you chase them, no way you can catch them. And the ones that come after you, you need to be suspicious of.

Ignore them and drive on.

I was with you until you talked about how you're better than your co-workers. I'm betting that is shining right through, and they all see you as a smug annoying dickhead. Lose the attitude and maybe they'll get along with you more. Has this happened to you before?