20, have no direction, any suggestions?

So, the past couple of years, i have been all over the place.

Out of highschool, i took a year off to work and save money.

After that year, i went away to university for molecular biology and genetics

i feel that i am pretty intelligent

The summer after first year, i moved out of my parents house with my girlfriend in northern toronto. I transfered to the university down finch and for a little over a semester went to school there.

Because my grades were not stellar at the first university, i was just an arts student, but was enlisted in the classes of a biotechnology undergrad

During my reading week in second semester, i had somewhat of an epiphany that academia didnt seem to be for me (i was not doing well at all living on our own and going to school). My marks sucked, i would probably fail a class or two at the end of the year. I has absolutely no motivation, no passion.

I decided that, i loved cooking, i love food, ill try something hands-on in the way of the cullinary arts. I was fortunate in that before i ever went off to college for cullinary arts/skills, i was able to stage at a very influential and cutting edge restaurant in toronto

picture for affect:



Like anyone starting out in the cullinary world, i was worked like a dog. And i wasnt paid! I had alot of fun, i met alot of great people, i really liked everyone there and feel like i came out of it with a better understanding of where i should be in life. It wasnt the hard work that turned me off, it was the realization that the cooks i was working with were not necessarily there by choice. Most of them started out as dishwashers, and eventually became cooks over time. They didnt have the opportunity to go to school, take advantage of their intelligence.

I do, and i have realized that the life of a cook or a million years from now, a chef is not the life i want to lead.

But what i want to do, i have not the faintest of ideas. I could go back to school for the sciences, i could pursue other directions such as industrail design, art, computer science, but i dont know how i can decide. I feel as if all i have known since grade 11 when i was choosing my grade 12 course selections thinking that i wanted to be a dentist is science. I have many interests, and i am a very intelligent guys, i just dont know how to utilize my intelligence, how can i come about some realization?

I am currently at a pretty cushy job as a bartender working 3 nights a week and making enough money that i dont worry about money. I could easily pick up more shifts during the week and live pretty comfortable. But i dont want to turn into one of those restaurant Lifers.

i dont even know what im asking, but how can i make a decision about my future easier? this is killing me. I have spent several days so depressed, so emotional because i am stuck, and im asking a messageboard i lurk on for some help!

I dropped out of college after two semesters, straight out of high school. I didn't want to be there and my grades reflected that fact.

It was the smartest decision I've ever made. I eventually went back, as a 25 year old, and was an A student. At that point, I wanted to be there and it beat the hell out of working as a line cook and bartender, jobs I also held. I definitely made the most of my delayed undergraduate education and, later, graduate education. Had I stayed in school, I would have skated through and wasted a hell of a lot of money on an education I frankly didn't deserve at the time.

You are young. Enjoy it. You will find your way if finding your way is important to you.

Originally Posted by breakfasteatre

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i dont even know what im asking, but how can i make a decision about my future easier? this is killing me. I have spent several days so depressed, so emotional because i am stuck, and im asking a messageboard i lurk on for some help!
I commend you for being so aware of the situation at your age, just having this insight puts you ahead of many other 20yr olds out there. Do not be depressed as I think most of us, at one time or another, feel "stuck" or feel we have not taken the right path. This is very natural and part of growing and finding your niche. I hate to sound so cliche, but hang in there and things will work out. I wish I could offer more insightful advice, good luck to you.

You sound like you need some soul searching. Everyone of us needs a higher call in life for our motivation - whether that be literature, money, family, religion, science, etc.,. Take some time off, read a book, travel a bit. Figure out what your higher call in life is - why YOU should exist as a human being. If you get a glimpse of what that is, hold on to it. That idea will develop itself into a career path, and more importantly, a life path.

I'm now 27 and in law school. I probably went through this process when I was in my junior and senior year of undergrad; probably at about your age. I read a lot, travelled a bit, drank a lot, and fortunately met some wise people whose influences affected me a great deal. I wandered for another 3 years through life working different jobs just to make a living; but this gave me a lot of time to read and reflect. Remember that glimpse of higher calling I mentioned earlier? This was cemented, and I found my calling in life. I am now very certain about my career path, and to a more limited extent, my life path. Having a clear idea on what I want to do and where I want to go, I now need to work hard and acquire the experience that one can only get through living. One day, I'm sure I'll look back and think that I had travelled a good road.

All this sounds fluffy, but to me it is. I hate those life motivation books. You can't turn the process of internal reflection into a science. So, I hope this gives you a look at what someone else went through.

Best advice someone who I consider to be a mentor gave me: "Don't get stuck in a rut."

Originally Posted by DarkNWorn

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Best advice someone who I consider to be a mentor gave me: "Don't get stuck in a rut."

This is indeed good advice. Whatever you do, keep moving, learning, growing. People change careers more frequently and at later stages these days. If it's any consolation, I teach at the university you quit and I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I will probably be doing something else within the next couple of years and I have no idea what.

I have to say, this thread may have just completely changed the course of my life. I find myself in a similar situation: I have been doing music most of my life and am currently a Performance major. However, ever since I can remember, I never went through school for myself, but more of because it's just what was expected of me. Because of this, I never really had the chance to find myself and figure out, of my own accord, what I wanted from an education.

Recently, after two years of debating with myself, I decided on taking a very conservative course of action (to switch majors to undeclared) but after reading through this thread, I think a break is in order for me instead.

I wish you luck in finding your true passion sir.

Good luck. But a caveat. You may get yourself so used to being outside of school later on that it will take some significant effort to reacquaint yourself with the mindset and motivation required.

I went right into college after highschool. Things went fairly well for me for the first semester then I just crashed after that. I hated where I was, I hated my classes, I wasn't making many friends, I was depressed etc etc. I made the decision to stop attending after that first year. My parents weren't happy at all but they understood. I had plans of working for a few years, doing some travelling and then going back to school. As it turns out, after working for a year, I found what I really wanted to do. I came back to school and everything has been great since. I've had a great time and I know the path I want to follow.

I honestly think that, more than anything, I just grew up a bit in my time off. I'm not saying that you need to do the same as you sound quite mature in your post. I'm just saying that maybe more time just needs to pass? For me, things just seemed to click into place as I got a bit older and started to experience more. I'm still really young, I'm only 20, but the difference between myself now and when I first started college at 18 is huge. I'm not even the same person. Maybe you just need a chance to experience more first before you can really decide on what is important to you in life.

Originally Posted by skalogre

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Good luck. But a caveat. You may get yourself so used to being outside of school later on that it will take some significant effort to reacquaint yourself with the mindset and motivation required.

This is a good point, but I think you'd really have to weigh out and see if the risk (chance of not being able to find a rhythm) is smaller than the current problem (not having a rhythm now).

Originally Posted by AnotherVictim

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This is a good point, but I think you'd really have to weigh out and see if the risk (chance of not being able to find a rhythm) is smaller than the current problem (not having a rhythm now).

Of course

Originally Posted by DarkNWorn

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Best advice someone who I consider to be a mentor gave me: "Don't get stuck in a rut."

Sometimes I feel that I'm in a rut. Parts of my job I enjoy, parts of it I hate - I particularly dislike my boss. I'll be taking a set of professional exams in the winter that will make me a fully qualified whatever I am, then I'll take stock again of what I have and want to do. I want to be able to say to myself that at least I gained closure over that part of my life/career. I would love to be a student again, reading Law at my alma mater.

So, you're not the only one to have these feelings

I normally wouldn't recommend this to anyone (since I'm going through it, and it's really tough!) but have you ever thought of going into Engineering? I feel like if you got into something that would challenge you (a lot) you'd be able to stick it through!

Either way, good luck on your decisions! I'm sure you'll fare well enough!

Read Plato's Republic or Marcus Aurelius' Meditations.

Helped/Helps me.

I think EL's advice to 'keep moving, learning, growing' is spot on.

I've been in a rut for the last couple of years ... started a computer engineering degree right after school; did well for the first 2 years then got sick of the ****** teaching and other students, 99% of whom were void of anything even remotely resembling a personality. Decided to stick it out (just so i could call myself an 'engineer'), and what should have been a 4 year course has turned into 6 years of failing subjects. It feels as though all i have ever done is gone to uni during the week, and worked in retail on weekends .. no mans land.

I'll be finishing this year, and have decided to move to London to work for a year, to get out of home for a bit and for some sort of life experience.

Every individual is the architect of his own fortune.

I don't think you're stuck at all! You have a passion for something (cooking) and that's all you need. Some people don't have that, now those are lost souls. But you are already treading towards life in the culinary world, i say stick with it. And I think the reason why you feel so stuck is because you're afraid of committing to this gut feeling you have inside of you. Just trust it and go for it. If you have passion for something, the doors will open on your path, just get after it!