Manton
RINO
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2002
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I had a request for a disquisition on Flaming Homosexual Nightclub Attire (FHNA). I wrestled with this for a long time. (BTW, if you must wrestle with a gay guy, make it one of the West Village dudes. The Chelsea boys are really strong. They must spend all day in the gym. The Village guys are weaklings by comparison.) I decided that I just didn't know enough about it, and was really out of my element. We've got some members who by their own testimony spend a lot of time in downtown clubs; perhaps they will lend us the benefit of their experience.
But I DO know that certain items of tailored clothing are widely considered GAY. Fair? True? Maybe not. But we all must deal with the world as we find it, not as we wish it to be, and this prejudice is out there. So let me help you learn to avoid it.
As with the OBTC thread, I present you with a near perfect storm. If the ensemble is (as Freud would say) "overdeterimined" to look gay, that is not because I am trying to stack the deck, but merely because I want to be sure that the point gets across.
The suit is not solid. This in itself is not gay. But the only proper non-gay pattern is a pin stripe. Nailhead is gay. Windowpanes are gay. Double windowpanes are way gay. Double dot windowpanes are gay, gay, gay. Nailhead with a double dot windowpane is just FLAMING.
The vest is gay. "What?!" you say, recoiling in horror and disbelief. But I am afraid so. Real MEN do not wear vests. Ask yourself this: When was the last time the vest was widely popular? Answer: the late 70s and early 80s. What did the catalogue models who wore them look like? Wild, wavy hair, handlebar moustaches, suspicious twinkles in their eyes, big bright smiles. I.e., gay. That association has stuck, and it will never go away. In fact, that's why the vest is dead. To breeders, anyway.
SB peak: oh so swish. It may have been a hetero favorite in the '30s, but that was back when even Noel Coward was in the closet. Since the homos came out, they have taken it over. MEN wear SB notch. The width of the lapel is especially gay. We all know that gay guys (except maybe the buffed Chelsea boys) have to compensate for their essentially girly nature. It's similar to the way middle aged underendowed guys buy extremely expensive, extremely fast cars. Gay guys get wide peaked lapels. This is so well known I really didn't even have to mention it.
The only thing gayer than a pink shirt is a lavender shirt. The high collar is reminiscent of Oscar Wilde; need any more be said about that?
Purple used to be the color of royalty. Now it is the color of homosexuality. Purple ties are in fact a secret sign. That's how they communicate with each other. The bold woven pattern is just icing on the cake. As we all know, subtlety is lost on gays. Dimples, as noted in a prior thread, are gay. Even gayer is to skew the dimple off to one side a little. A centered dimple is the hallmark of a nerd, and everyone knows that nerds are not gay and gays are not nerds.
Finally, the pocket square. This in and of itself is gay. Real MEN do not stuff dainties into their pockets. But lavender dainties, with hand rolled edges, an white jaquard overplaids? I don't even need to make a case against this. I note in closing that this specific pocket square has been denounced by the President of the United States.
If I am wrong about any of this, I will accept corrections from mack11211. The rest of you breeders can kiss my @$$.
But I DO know that certain items of tailored clothing are widely considered GAY. Fair? True? Maybe not. But we all must deal with the world as we find it, not as we wish it to be, and this prejudice is out there. So let me help you learn to avoid it.
As with the OBTC thread, I present you with a near perfect storm. If the ensemble is (as Freud would say) "overdeterimined" to look gay, that is not because I am trying to stack the deck, but merely because I want to be sure that the point gets across.
The suit is not solid. This in itself is not gay. But the only proper non-gay pattern is a pin stripe. Nailhead is gay. Windowpanes are gay. Double windowpanes are way gay. Double dot windowpanes are gay, gay, gay. Nailhead with a double dot windowpane is just FLAMING.
The vest is gay. "What?!" you say, recoiling in horror and disbelief. But I am afraid so. Real MEN do not wear vests. Ask yourself this: When was the last time the vest was widely popular? Answer: the late 70s and early 80s. What did the catalogue models who wore them look like? Wild, wavy hair, handlebar moustaches, suspicious twinkles in their eyes, big bright smiles. I.e., gay. That association has stuck, and it will never go away. In fact, that's why the vest is dead. To breeders, anyway.
SB peak: oh so swish. It may have been a hetero favorite in the '30s, but that was back when even Noel Coward was in the closet. Since the homos came out, they have taken it over. MEN wear SB notch. The width of the lapel is especially gay. We all know that gay guys (except maybe the buffed Chelsea boys) have to compensate for their essentially girly nature. It's similar to the way middle aged underendowed guys buy extremely expensive, extremely fast cars. Gay guys get wide peaked lapels. This is so well known I really didn't even have to mention it.
The only thing gayer than a pink shirt is a lavender shirt. The high collar is reminiscent of Oscar Wilde; need any more be said about that?
Purple used to be the color of royalty. Now it is the color of homosexuality. Purple ties are in fact a secret sign. That's how they communicate with each other. The bold woven pattern is just icing on the cake. As we all know, subtlety is lost on gays. Dimples, as noted in a prior thread, are gay. Even gayer is to skew the dimple off to one side a little. A centered dimple is the hallmark of a nerd, and everyone knows that nerds are not gay and gays are not nerds.
Finally, the pocket square. This in and of itself is gay. Real MEN do not stuff dainties into their pockets. But lavender dainties, with hand rolled edges, an white jaquard overplaids? I don't even need to make a case against this. I note in closing that this specific pocket square has been denounced by the President of the United States.
If I am wrong about any of this, I will accept corrections from mack11211. The rest of you breeders can kiss my @$$.
