Long Relationships for Youngsters

*moved from Social*

Wondering how many other (young) SFers are or have been in long(3+ years) relationships. This is sort of targeted to people before 23-24 because, well, that's where I fit in. I just often feel like the only person I know who is in a similar situation. Everyone else is "playing the field," and having been out of that game since my the end of my sophomore year(of high school, so age 15- age 20) I keep wondering if I'm missing something.

Some people will read this and go, good god man, you must be mad. Perhaps so. I haven't touched another girl in 5 years, but I have no regrets.

Still, I like to hear people's stories and views, as well as advice on where to go, and how long I can feasibly save up before buying "the rock." I don't to delay out of commitment issues, but out of the fact that I am broke, diabetic, a casual alcoholic and a helpless clotheshorse

My guess is a lot of people on this forum will tell you it's a bad idea, that you need to experience a wider range of girls to really learn about yourself. That has a lot of validity, but it's not everything. By the age of 20 Im sure you've gotten to know some female friends, so it's not exactly like you're sheltered from the ways of women.

My advice is if you're in love, and cant imagine being with anyone else for the rest of your life, why don't second-guess it. You know if it's right or not. People giving you advice are just going to base the advice on their own experience, which is totally random.

I met my girlfriend at 23 and she was 21. I'm 26 now. So long as we are both on the same page in terms of experience and all that, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything and we get along great, so what more is there?

Had she used to be a coke whore like my ex before that, I'd prolly feel like I had missed out on something again and want to play the proverbial field.

Oh, as for saving for the rock, I can't say it strongly enough - **** that ****! Buy what you can afford and don't spend a dime more. The marriage industry is such a sham... I think the recommendation these days is to spend 3 months' net income on an engagement ring. Unless you already have a lot of saving, that advice is totally irresponsible. Money should be a factor in deciding the correct time to propose, but it's hardly the factor.

Don't fall into the trap of a fairytale wedding either (unless her dad is paying.) A lot of girls are brainwashed into thinking this is what they need to have. A couple of my friends recently wed, a physical therapist and a guidance councilor, and the wedding they put on cost over 100k. It was lovely, but it almost made me ill to know they were putting such a financial burden on themselves over this 1 day. Neither comes from wealth, and everyone in attendance knew how much the couple would be making, so exactly who were they trying to impress with this wedding? Dont get caught up in appearances...

....

Augusto, As shown by my disaster of a thread, "Big Relationship Trouble!", I probably don't have a clue what I'm talking about. But here goes. As far as I'm concerned, it's not a bad idea. True love doesn't know an age. I personally know a guy who is in 10th grade and has been with his girlfriend since 5th grade, even though she moved to Iceland and back. Whenever I see them together, they just look so...I don't know, happy. I've never seen them fight or get mad at each other and neither one of them has a bad word for the other. So yes, it can work. For my own experience run a forum search on the thread I posted above. I am 15 now, and I would have absolutely no problem with settling down, so to speak. I still have my targets locked on one girl in particular, even though she is heading off to college. We had a relationship and I'm sure it could have worked, but some faults on my part prevented that. Good luck mate, I really wish I could be in your position JB

I was in a 3-year relationship from Senior year of HS through Sophomore year of college.

Thought I was in love, but maybe I was just in love with the idea of being in love. Who knows. At the time I thought it was a good idea, but looking back it really affected me socially and almost hindered the rapid social/personality change that you go through in your first few years of college. It was my first serious relationship, so we spent a lot of time together (almost on an unhealthy level). I didn't hang out with many other people. One of those things.

Have not been in a serious relationship since then (three years since we broke up). She was the only girl I have ever said "I love you" to.

Have pseudo-dated two girls for two months, and for four months, but I wouldn't have called either of them my girlfriends.

Have had real short-lived relationships (1-4 weeks) with about 25 girls since then.

I like the variety and the freedom of not being tied down. Though, now that I am done with school, I feel that in the next year or so I need to settle down a bit, and am leaning towards focusing on finding a girl I wouldn't mind getting into a long-term thing with rather than hookups. However, I'm not going out of my way to find her - things always seem to fall into place for me.

I met my wife when we were both 21. That was seven years ago and we got hitched this past September. I honestly wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm sure there are times over those seven years, especially the earlier ones, where I may have been slightly envious of my more freewheelin' friends who would go home from the bar with a different girl every other night.

Fast forward and now that we're all in our late 20's - early 30's a good lot of them are still single, lonely, their boyish good looks have left them and the quality of women they roll with has dropped drastically. It's sad having watched them get old put on the pounds and still try to pick up the same kind of girl in their early 30's they were picking up in their early 20's. I, on the other hand, have a partner in crime who looks great in heels, tries to understand football and I get a break on my taxes.

So to answer your question, you're missing something, but not much. It's no use sabotaging a good thing (if it's a good thing) for some cheap thrills.

I started going out with my fiance when I was 18 and she was 16. I'm now 25 and she's 24. We were together for 7 years before I bought the rock. It's a wonderful relationship and I don't regret a thing.

Don't worry guys, your fiance's/wives aren't reading the forum.... j/k, to address the OP's question, you just have to follow your heart. If your heart says she's worth the longing and trouble or wait, then go for it and try your best. Of course if she's breaks your heart in the end, you'll have wasted some years, but that is better than losing the relationship due to your misdeed. If your heart says, go cheat on her, then go do so. keep in mind the consequences.

Honestly, if you are the type of guy who is really socially networked and actually can go home with a different girl every night then maybe have fun for a little while. However, very few people can pull this off. If you aren't this guy, then playing the field sucks.

I am 22 right now and I dated the same girl from age 19-21. After the first month I already had started thinking about how I shouldn't get into a serious relationship at that age and it was always in the back of my mind throughout the relationship (I always considered the relationship temporary). When it did end (for various reasons) I was excited to play the field again, but after a few months of being single I am realizing how much it sucks. Sure there are tradeoffs, but with the right girl, love is the way to go.

I do think that serious relationships should wait until after 21 though because people before this age have a certain idea about the bar/club scene and need to experience it. Otherwise they feel like they are missing out on it by being in a relationship.

Originally Posted by VMan

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I was in a 3-year relationship from Senior year of HS through Sophomore year of college.

Thought I was in love, but maybe I was just in love with the idea of being in love. Who knows. At the time I thought it was a good idea, but looking back it really affected me socially and almost hindered the rapid social/personality change that you go through in your first few years of college. It was my first serious relationship, so we spent a lot of time together (almost on an unhealthy level). I didn't hang out with many other people. One of those things.


Jesus, this man speaks the truth. Its like you took a page from my life dude, same experience, I started my first serious relationship when I was a SR in High School, I was with her three years. Basically all the details are the same, but my ex was 22 I was 17 when we started dating (her *ahem* experience, was rather... **** she was a druggie and a slut before I met her, didnt know that till later). I thought the age would have nothing to do with it all, but when I was revving up ready to hit the bars, she wanted to settle down and have kids. Sure it was tough to break up with her (**** she was my first nearly everything) but the rewards from doing so were great! I was only really single for about two months, I thought I would "play the field" but I just couldn't do it. Every time I had the opportunity to "stab me a drunk *****" I just couldn't do it. I say dont do anything rash man, this is a very important growth time in your life, both of you will grow, perhaps even apart. Lots of stuff changes and fast. Let me tell you that women usually dont know WTFuck they want till they are older, and even then that might not be true.

The only one who will truly know is you dude. Perhaps you should take a week or so off from the girl, just for fun. Just get together your best homies and go on a road trip, forget about your girlfriend, not saying cheat on her or anything but get a taste for things you may have missed. It also helps if you do this when you are over 21 so you can be drunk off your ass.

anyways Ill end my rant. Do you really really want to get married, or is she applying pressure? I say just really think it through, when you look at your girl do you really down deep see yourself dieing with this person? I think that is a big kind of **** up of our generation, most kids don't really think it through, they just think "Well if a couple years down the road we don't like each other anymore then we can just get divorced" this kinda strips the whole marriage thing of all its significance. Basically turning it into a legally binding dating relationship.

Oh and JB all high schools have that couple, Odds are they will break up before graduation or shortly after.

Lots of interesting stuff here guys...thanks! As far as having time apart is concerned, well, I'm currently spending a semester in Cairo Egypt while she remains back in Boston - about as far as you can concievably get!!! It's tough but we manage - even back in Boston we wee about 45min-1hr apart and so saw each other maybe twice a week.

I definitely have never felt stifled - I've done my best to avoid that, to the point where I honestly crave a little stifling as long as it means I don't sleep alone 5 out of 7 nights a week...

It's good to hear the honest truth though, as too many guys feel they need, in person, to maintain the facade of "toughness" and act as if all they want is some strange every night...

You never know.

Originally Posted by johnapril

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You never know.

Very Zen. But what?

As vaclav(a?) might put it....

You never, know. with, women.