Do Women Change After Marriage?

I know a lot of ******* awesome chicks. They're sane, treat their boyfriends well, still have a backbone, enjoy and actively partake in sex, are good with money, have aspirations that they're working toward etc. I've read/heard a lot about women changing after marriage. Does all of the good stuff above go away after the ring?

I obviously haven't been married, but it's only right to assume that women (and men) change after making a life-altering decision and also growing older.

Yes, they change. No, all the awesome stuff doesn't go away.

Originally Posted by MrG

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Yes, they change. No, all the awesome stuff doesn't go away.

+1

people change. I don't know if marriage is the big change, kids change you alot. but that is part of life.

Life with Mrs. Piob has done nothing but improve every year and it was pretty groovy starting with year one.

I would be curious to see psychological studies on happiness/life fulfillment on couples who stay together but don't sign that piece of paper. There is something that changes an individual's perspective and actions within marriage when they know they can walk away with half of the person's assets. No fault divorce has caused more unhappiness and heartache to people's lives than we can even imagine.

Hell yes.

Real **** boys and girls, real facking talk - I would not so much say that the man or woman change, although they can, as I would say the nature of the relationship changes.

For example a lot of the chat you have with your girl about what happened the past few days is eliminated becuase you were both there when it happened. The relationship also becomes more utilitarian at times. Instead of it being your laundry and dishes, it is the both of yours and is therefor a part of your life as a couple. Obviously raising kids is a whole different barrel of monkeys. The need to win the person over so to say also is gone in practice (in practice only, we will come back to this) There are many more examples but going through them all is unneccesary, the picture I think is painted.

That being said if the involved parties ingore this new reality and think life will continue as it did previously, well then thats when the **** hits the fan. The parties become bored, bothered with eachother and discontented with eachother. This leads one to mistakenly think that the people have changed, when in reality only the circumstances have changed.

If this continues unabated the next step is the behavior toward each other changes (or you could say at this point the people have changed).

Which is why it is of the utmost importance that when people do get married they be are aware of this phenomenon. Steps can can easily be taken to prevent this. Find other avenues to excite eachother, continue to go on dates, continue to win each other over emotionally. Don't let the utilitarian part of life become king. If each person can keep this in mind and act on it there is no reason why the relationship shouldn't continue to flourish and grow deeper and more loving over time.

My 2 cents from a little experience in the matter


neo i know you are trolling, but really what the **** would you know about this?

Originally Posted by juliank

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I would be curious to see psychological studies on happiness/life fulfillment on couples who stay together but don't sign that piece of paper. There is something that changes an individual's perspective and actions within marriage when they know they can walk away with half of the person's assets. No fault divorce has caused more unhappiness and heartache to people's lives than we can even imagine.

Divorced women typically get half of the assets accumulated during the marriage. In most community property states at least, any assets the husband (or wife) brings in or receives from gift or inheritance is separate property (as long as they keep it separate) and isn't divided as part of the marital estate. So saying she gets half "his" assets is just wrong. She gets half of what they accumulated together during the marriage (assuming a 50/50 property division).

Originally Posted by juliank

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I would be curious to see psychological studies on happiness/life fulfillment on couples who stay together but don't sign that piece of paper. There is something that changes an individual's perspective and actions within marriage when they know they can walk away with half of the person's assets. No fault divorce has caused more unhappiness and heartache to people's lives than we can even imagine.

The only problem with this statement is that in many places a formal marriage contract is not required to attempt to get a settlement for splitting up nor is it the law in many places that marriage automatically entitles one to 50% of the other party's assets.

Originally Posted by globetrotter

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+1

people change. I don't know if marriage is the big change, kids change you alot. but that is part of life.

Kids definitely change things. I'm not exactly an old hand at this parenting thing, but thus far it has been a positive change in general.

Originally Posted by Piobaire

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Life with Mrs. Piob has done nothing but improve every year and it was pretty groovy starting with year one.

Same here. It has gotten better as time has passed. There have been hard times, to be sure, but things have always trended up overall.

Originally Posted by juliank

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I would be curious to see psychological studies on happiness/life fulfillment on couples who stay together but don't sign that piece of paper. There is something that changes an individual's perspective and actions within marriage when they know they can walk away with half of the person's assets. No fault divorce has caused more unhappiness and heartache to people's lives than we can even imagine.

This whole financial cost-benefit argument is a popular one when it comes to marriage, but I'm not sure it holds water. People just don't generally think this way. Is there a segment of the population that does? I'm sure there is, but I have trouble believing it's the majority.

The dynamic does shift. Before marriage many women endeavor to impress you, after they have you ,in many cases ,the hell with Impressions after the marriage...

The thought pattern of many ladies is I have him now! This is not categorically all women, but, the percentage is high of those who do change. My first marriage was 8 years with no children. I am on the second marriage going into the fourth year.

My parents were together for 46 years and did so out of habit and routine after twenty years. I speak from my own experience.

Originally Posted by Stedye

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The dynamic does shift. Before marriage many women endeavor to impress you, after they have you ,in many cases ,the hell with Impressions after the marriage...

The thought pattern of many ladies is I have him now! This is not categorically all women, but, the percentage is high of those who do change. My first marriage was 8 years with no children. I am on the second marriage going into the fourth year.

My parents were together for 46 years and did so out of habit and routine after twenty years. I speak from my own experience.


Aside from the financial disincentive that I mentioned above, the psychological one noted here is powerful. When the "law" gets in the way, the incentive for either party to stay in shape, or do whatever it is that people do to keep the other person attracted gets pushed to the wayside.

No matter how you look at it but when a partner knows that you have other options and can walk away from the relationship with money and assets intact this single fact alone keeps them on their toes. This is a good thing in my opinion.

Before all the soft hearted equalists start blubbering about "true wuv" I will say that this applies to men as well. When we know that our hot gf has other options; we decide to stay in shape, evolve culturally, intellectually and financially. Deep down we know that a life that only consisted of beer, Appreciation and videogames is not the best strategy to keep her around.

That said, I am sure that there are many partners that do decide to stay in shape, maintain a sense of humor, and are passionately interested in keeping their partner happy even after marriage. Problem is, out of all the marriages I've come across I would peg this number at around 10 to maybe 20%.

Not really after marriage, but most women change after having kids. It is a normal process as their [evolutionary] goal changes from having kids to raising them.