21st century women can be difficult

You guys realized that "getting married" and "having kids" are not synonymous, yes?

Originally Posted by GQgeek

Click to expand...

You'd have to bridge the gap between what she's was used to and what her new circumstances are, for the child, of course.

I agree with BlackShoes. Threads like this make me not want to get married. Even MrG, who says it's worth it, makes it sound like torture.

I can understand that, but I caution you against conflating having an infant and the rest of married life/parenting. Prior to having a baby, my life was much, much different, and marriage doesn't require nearly the amount of upkeep as an infant (though it's not without its work).

I wouldn't want to live the life I'm living right now in perpertuity, but it's temporary. The fact that it's temporary makes it very manageable. Yeah, it's tough when I'm tired and the baby won't go to sleep, but it's more than offset by the joy and fun of watching him develop and learn. Plus, one day not too long from now, I'll be teaching him to throw a football and tie a tie. Having an infant is really one of those things that appears to those without kids as being much harder than it is, which is saying something because it's really hard sometimes.

All of the above being said, marriage and parenthood aren't for everyone, but I don't think it's a good idea to damn the concepts because there are some people who can't get them right.

I love how everyone is taking what the OP says at face value...

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."

Originally Posted by BlackShoes

Click to expand...

This guy has floated up **** creek, cut him some slack.
Cut him some slack? Why, I am not the one who married him.... Besides I care more about the child and it's welfare than I do about two adults who, by all appearances, are more than capable of resolving the circumstances as presented.

Stories like the Op's scare me more than the thought of any terrorist or boogerman.

Originally Posted by CouttsClient

Click to expand...

Victims will be victims

Some people just can't have a good time and see everything as a challenge or some personal assault while some people find joy in even the worst circumstances.

Absolutely.

Some children are more difficult to handle than others, though. Our two are pretty good, but I've seen much worse. Part of this is, again, must also be due to how the parents are with them, of course.

MrG is right about things being more manageable because they're temporary. It's a bit different with the first because you have less idea of how things will change. Our oldest is 3 and his first year zipped by, so in light of that nothing the baby does seems like an imposition as she'll be a child soon enough.

Originally Posted by Pennglock

Click to expand...

Stories like the Op's scare me more than the thought of any terrorist or boogerman.
+1

Originally Posted by Connemara

Click to expand...

+1

It's nothing you'll ever have to worry about, limpdick.

Originally Posted by kwilkinson

Click to expand...

It's nothing you'll ever have to worry about, limpdick.
******* butthoal.

Originally Posted by BlackShoes

Click to expand...

Such wit, perhaps you would like to expound on the many and undoubted benefits of marriage?
I don't have any plans to get married, but you have to be painfully dense not to get it... or maybe an MPUA running his mad CBA on all them hookers. I can see it now- The Cupid Quant, iBanker of the world of relationships. 150% return on emotional investment, running his hedge fund of hearts. Analyzing the amorous with his groundbreaking combination of (The) Game theory and that stochasticy math type thing that that one dude used once I think. Edit: Fuuma nailed it. It's easy to lose sight of the other person's woes when we get fixated on whatever injustice we feel they're doing us. On to conjecture and such This may not be the case, but it may be worth it for the OP to sit down and actually speak with his wife. It sounds like right now they're talking at each other. It may also be worth it for the OP to examine this from the standpoint of her as a person as opposed to her as a feminist. It seems like he may be misattributing the issues to her ideology, as opposed to identifying the real cause. Also, it seems like there's a mentality of OP vs his wife. I don't see how this could possibly be healthy in the long run. Finally, the OP may want to examine his role as THE man in her life. It doesn't sound like he's living up to it. Nobody- no matter how dominant, assertive, or progressive a person is- nobody wants somebody that will just role over. Submissiveness and complacency will destroy a relationship. You to need to participate. Some people need it to the extent that they have to regularly fight with their partner. Others simply need someone to be strong for them when they're feeling weak. The OP isn't contributing at many levels it seems. He won't even communicate with his wife about something that is obviously causing problems. There's not much of a relationship here from what I see (given my very limited knowledge).

put the kid in day care and tell her to get a job.

Have a talk with her. I agree with the few who mentioned that we don't really know the wife's side of the story, so it's possible she's not aware that she's slipped into this daily routine. If things are as the OP says, and he tries to talk to his wife about this and nothing changes, then there's a problem. And I'm not sure what you do at that point. That's a pretty "stuck" situation.

But until OP sits down and talks to his wife about this, nothing is going to change.

do your wife's obligations include banging the pool boy 60+ hrs/week?


edit: ok too harsh. like others this situation scares me as well, partly because i see myself drifting that way too

edit2: oops forgot you're both libtards. at least my chick would cook clean etc

OP needs — I repeat, NEEDS — to have a talk with wife. Not to *****, but to let her know how he feels. Uncommunicated resentment rots and festers and eventually will kill not only a marriage, but the spirit of the person who holds it.

You've got to get this out and get to work solving the situation.

Signed,
A divorced dude

You are working 60 hrs per wk, let's say your commute is 30 minutes each way, and you take 30 minutes for lunch, which is 13.5 hours out of the house, M-F. On avg, you leave the house @ 7A, return @ 8:30P. To me, she should be able to clean the house, cook, do laundry. However, her request for a occasional babysitter/nanny so she can have some free time, have lunch w/ her friends, go to the gym, shop, etc. is reasonable.