pstoller
Senior Member
- Joined
- May 24, 2002
- Messages
- 669
- Reaction score
- 11
All this advice, break off contact, ignore her, etc, is not only rude, but just tries to cure the symptoms, as opposed to the disease.
He is still very much emotionally attached to his soon-maybe-not-any-more-not-ex.
You cannot teach emotional development, it's a slow and painful process that requires making your own experiences. If he follows somebody else's advice/experience, he may go through the motions, and he may even end up at a better place physically, but he will not understand why, and there will still be the lingering 'what if'. He needs to do what he needs to do to figure this out for himself. If it means getting back together just for her to inevitably cheat on him and this then finally giving him the impetus to end it... oh well, so be it. Everybody has to go through these things on their own.
He'll ultimately be "making his own experiences" and going through it on his own no matter what. Also, no matter what he chooses, they'll be a lingering "what if" about one or more other paths he could have taken. For example, "What if I'd never posted about my relationship problems on SF?"
The advice he's getting is primarily from guys who've been in a similar spot. Following that advice won't stunt his emotional development; it will still be plenty slow and painful. It just won't be as slow or as painful as not following it.