I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

Alright, so instead relationships should go on, indefinitely in some strange topsy turvy state, where neither party has straight out said that they are no longer together?

I don't know about you people, but after spending a year and a half of my life with someone, I would much rather say goodbye, and then, with a foundation on which I can solidly say that it is over, begin to move on.

I do not think there is inherently anything wrong with this.

+1 What Jodum5 said, mrjames you need to wash yourself and start over man, that **** ain't healthy.

MarkI you've better give us updates.

marki THE RELATIONSHIP ENDED WHEN YOU BROKE UP. IT'S ALREADY OVER.

mrjames take down the pictures, that is not going anywhere good. You say you like the 3rd girl, but in the description of your relationship you seem fairly callous. You imply you don't treat her as well as you have others because she is not as physically attractive as other girls you have dated/want to date. To me that smacks of insecurity on your part. You say you like her, but won't introduce her as your girlfriend? You think her physical appearance reflects badly on you or what? You either find her attractive or you don't, in either case how 'objectively' attractive she is shouldn't matter. **** your friends, sounds like they have been douches. Bad luck, it sounds like you have had a pretty rough time. Steer clear of the previous two exes, nothing good down that road by the sound of it. Work out what it is you want from the third girl and then you should probably treat her right or cut her loose. Reading between the lines it seems she clearly thinks highly of you, she would have to, to put up with the behaviour you describe. She thinks of you as a boyfriend, you are treating her as a bit on the side, which in my view is pretty ****** behaviour. markI - Teger is being a bit of an arsehole about it, but he probably is right. If I think about how I was thinking when I was really down going through a breakup - I would probably be behaving in much the same way as you are so, I definitely understand and sympathise, but it is still a pretty stupid way to behave though. Since you won't be dissuaded I hope your meal goes as well as it possibly can.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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Alright, so instead relationships should go on, indefinitely in some strange topsy turvy state, where neither party has straight out said that they are no longer together?

I don't know about you people, but after spending a year and a half of my life with someone, I would much rather say goodbye, and then, with a foundation on which I can solidly say that it is over, begin to move on.

I do not think there is inherently anything wrong with this.

Just a guess, but most people are probably shaking their head at this dinner date because they know it WON'T be goodbye.

Originally Posted by Teger

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marki THE RELATIONSHIP ENDED WHEN YOU BROKE UP. IT'S ALREADY OVER.

She hasn't said it, she said i'm putting her in a hard place because i'm making her decide whether to be together, or have me out of her life entirely.

This has been the basis for this ******* 3 week emotional roller-coaster.

I'm sick of it, if she hasn't decided by now, she wont, I dont think, WHICH IS WHY IM PUTTING AN END TO IT TOMORROW NIGHT.

I don't see what is so hard to understand.

Originally Posted by APK

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Just a guess, but most people are probably shaking their head at this dinner date because they know it WON'T be goodbye.

It will be.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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She hasn't said it, she said i'm putting her in a hard place because i'm making her decide whether to be together, or have me out of her life entirely. This has been the basis for this ******* 3 week emotional roller-coaster. I'm sick of it, if she hasn't decided by now, she wont, I dont think, WHICH IS WHY IM PUTTING AN END TO IT TOMORROW NIGHT. I don't see what is so hard to understand.
oh my god kill me did you get like 400 on your SATs?

Originally Posted by MarkI

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Alright, so instead relationships should go on, indefinitely in some strange topsy turvy state, where neither party has straight out said that they are no longer together?

I don't know about you people, but after spending a year and a half of my life with someone, I would much rather say goodbye, and then, with a foundation on which I can solidly say that it is over, begin to move on.

I do not think there is inherently anything wrong with this.

The point is, as you will learn, that things aren't over when you say they are over - they are over when you are actually over it, which will only happen after spending a significant time out of contact.

Here's a pro tip: bad relationships (hell, good ones that end as well) never get "resolved," you simply stop caring about what went wrong or why it went wrong. There is no greater understanding to come to, merely apathy, or grace.

Originally Posted by Teger

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oh my god kill me

did you get like 400 on your SATs?

Perfect grades on my SATs, accepted to all Ivy Leagues I applied too.

Not like those things really mean **** anyways.

Originally Posted by RedLantern

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The point is, as you will learn, that things aren't over when you say they are over - they are over when you are actually over it, which will only happen after spending a significant time out of contact.

Here's a pro tip: bad relationships (hell, good ones that end as well) never get "resolved," you simply stop caring about what went wrong or why it went wrong. There is no greater understanding to come to, merely apathy, or grace.

I understand this very well, but I feel like for me PERSONALLY, I don't know about anyone else, but for myself, it provides some sort of closure, and like a said a foundation to move on from, when I see her, and I tell her face to face, that this is over.

Different strokes for different folks.

Even bullshit relationships Ive had that have lasted like 3 months, I liked to end this way.

So let me get this straight. MarkI had perfect SAT scores, accepted to all the Ivy's he "applied" to, but goes to school in New York.

Hey bud maybe you can proxy me some of your excess stupidity.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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I understand this very well, but I feel like for me PERSONALLY, I don't know about anyone else, but for myself, it provides some sort of closure, and like a said a foundation to move on from, when I see her, and I tell her face to face, that this is over.

Different strokes for different folks.

Even bullshit relationships Ive had that have lasted like 3 months, I liked to end this way.

Whatever "bullshit" relationships you have had before have no bearing here. It appears that you really care about this girl so things will be different. It will not be easy to get over. Talking will not provide closure. Maybe understanding, maybe rational closure. But, it will never provide you with emotional closure. It will never make you feel better.

Originally Posted by Bhowie

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So let me get this straight. MarkI had perfect SAT scores, accepted to all the Ivy's he "applied" to, but goes to school in New York.

Hey bud maybe you can proxy me some of your excess stupidity.

I've lived in New York all my life, and prefer it here. I go to Brooklyn College, I intend on going to law school. I hardly come from a wealthy family, the difference left from scholarships, was not something I wanted to end up owing in loans.

For law school, i'll aim for a great school, for my bachelors it doesn't concern me as much.

In any case, this has nothing to do with anything.

Originally Posted by RedLantern

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Whatever "bullshit" relationships you have had before have no bearing here. It appears that you really care about this girl so things will be different. It will not be easy to get over. Talking will not provide closure. Maybe understanding, maybe rational closure. But, it will never provide you with emotional closure. It will never make you feel better.

And i'm not expecting it too.