I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

What exactly are you expecting to hear during this dinner that will assist you in moving on any sooner than wisely breaking off communication with her now?

Closure doesn't happen immediately after the breakup. Only when you've genuinely moved on (which will require no communication with her) is when you will find closure.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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Ok, since im such a big ******* idiot, someone please explain to me why this dinner is a bad idea?

Like I said, I dont intend it to be anything other than that, we'll talk, i'll say goodbye. That is all.

How's your track record on that?

How is sending her a text cancelling it, going to make things any better. Dont you guys understand I want this to END, I have been going crazy the past 3 weeks with this ****, and shes clearly not leaning towards anything new. Why should I continue to go through this? Why cant I end it?

It's already over. This text is saying that you'll talk to her when you're ready to associate with her again. That may be never. It may be 6 months to a year from now. It's certainly not a couple of weeks

Sending that text just sends things going for like another two weeks, and im that marsupialed limbo again.

It all goes away if you send her the text and then never communicate again

Basically this is how I see it, she cant make up her mind, this causes me to feel like ****. If I bow out courteously, and on a good note, maybe THAT will make her think differently, because oh ****, now he left me... I dont really have control anymore.

You fucked that one up a long time ago killer. You've fucked a lot of things up. Don't **** this one up.

Thats my reasoning behind it.

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Originally Posted by MarkI

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This is obviously true, but at least itll lend me the oppurtunity to actually begin moving on, because I havent been able to do that yet.

No, it'll give you the opportunity to grovel, plead, or maybe just play it cool but further deepen your jealousy, lust, the sick feeling in your stomach. Break the date, tell her never to call you again, block her on Facebook, delete her phone number (hopefully you never memorized her number).

Originally Posted by APK

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What exactly are you expecting to hear during this dinner that will assist you in moving on any sooner than wisely breaking off communication with her now?

Closure doesn't happen immediately after the breakup. Only when you've genuinely moved on (which will require no communication with her) is when you will find closure.

Originally Posted by HgaleK

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Originally Posted by unjung

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No, it'll give you the opportunity to grovel, plead, or maybe just play it cool but further deepen your jealousy, lust, the sick feeling in your stomach. Break the date, tell her never to call you again, block her on Facebook, delete her phone number (hopefully you never memorized her number).

I want to hear here say that it is over.

Remember when I told you guys that she told me over the phone it was over, well the next night when she called me, I was like, "why are you calling me you said it was over"

She VEHEMENTLY denied saying those words, i'm not crazy, she said it, now she's denying it. That is why I am doing this dinner, I want to have her say it, and if she doesnt have the balls to do it, then i'm still moving on, and ending it.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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I want to hear here say that it is over.

Remember when I told you guys that she told me over the phone it was over, well the next night when I called her, I was like, "why are you calling me you said it was over"

She VEHEMENTLY denied saying those words, i'm not crazy, she said it, now she's denying it. That is why I am doing this dinner, I want to have her say it, and if she doesnt have the balls to do it, then i'm still moving on, and ending it.

lolz.

She can smell your desperation. She's keeping you around just in case. Kinda like how you never throw out that six year old can of lima beans in the back of the pantry. Typical behaviour for a young woman who doesn't know where she stands in the order yet. Don't worry, as soon as some 27 year old thug comes along and dumps his nuts down her throat the night he meets her, she'll be ready to let you off the line.

Originally Posted by unjung

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lolz.

She can smell your desperation. She's keeping you around just in case. Kinda like how you never throw out that six year old can of lima beans in the back of the pantry. Typical behaviour for a young woman who doesn't know where she stands in the order yet. Don't worry, as soon as some 27 year old thug comes along and dumps his nuts down her throat the night he meets her, she'll be ready to let you off the line.

^He's on the money. You notice that she's been up and down on you? There may already be someone there and she's just waiting for him to commit.

Take the polite exit and send the text I mentioned, or be an ass and send a hurtful message that lets her know that you're done, or send a mix of both, but kill this thing before you get put in to a position that makes what you've gone through so far look like nothing. It's over. Put it out of its misery.

If the old one I wrote I wasn't your speed you have this:
"I won't be able to make dinner. I've come to the realization that this relationship isn't what I need or want right now, and that there's no point delaying until Wednesday. I would like some space to get everything sorted out, so please don't contact me."

Or you can take :
"The last several days have shown me how much of a waste of my time this relationship has been. I'm done with it. I won't be seeing you Wednesay, or hopefully again. I don't want to deal with any more of your ****, so be a doll and try not to contact me."

Just end it.

Originally Posted by HgaleK

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^He's on the money. You notice that she's been up and down on you? There may already be someone there and she's just waiting for him to commit.

Take the polite exit and send the text I mentioned, or be an ass and send a hurtful message that lets her know that you're done, or send a mix of both, but kill this thing before you get put in to a position that makes what you've gone through so far look like nothing. It's over. Put it out of its misery.

If the old one I wrote I wasn't your speed you have this:
"I won't be able to make dinner. I've come to the realization that this relationship isn't what I need or want right now, and that there's no point delaying until Wednesday. I would like some space to get everything sorted out, so please don't contact me."

Or you can take :
"The last several days have shown me how much of a waste of my time this relationship has been. I'm done with it. I won't be seeing you Wednesay, or hopefully again. I don't want to deal with any more of your ****, so be a doll and try not to contact me."

Just end it.

Maybe i'm being naive, and maybe it hurts too much to think about it, but why do you guys insist so deeply that there maybe some one else?

Originally Posted by HgaleK

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^He's on the money. You notice that she's been up and down on you? There may already be someone there and she's just waiting for him to commit. Take the polite exit and send the text I mentioned, or be an ass and send a hurtful message that lets her know that you're done, or send a mix of both, but kill this thing before you get put in to a position that makes what you've gone through so far look like nothing. It's over. Put it out of its misery. If the old one I wrote I wasn't your speed you have this: "I won't be able to make dinner. I've come to the realization that this relationship isn't what I need or want right now, and that there's no point delaying until Wednesday. I would like some space to get everything sorted out, so please don't contact me." Or you can take : "The last several days have shown me how much of a waste of my time this relationship has been. I'm done with it. I won't be seeing you Wednesay, or hopefully again. I don't want to deal with any more of your ****, so be a doll and try not to contact me." Just end it.
Agreed, but your "nice" message isn't acceptable, because this business of "taking time" to sort **** out just puts the idea in his mind that he's gonna come back to the table, and gives him the idea that somehow he put her on the back burner, but she'll be available. That's wrong. She's not going to be available. He doesn't want her to be available. He wants to forget she exists. Therefore the polite message is this: I've decided it's over. I'm moving on. I don't want to speak to you again. Please delete me from your phone and Facebook, and I'll be doing the same immediately. Have a nice life. My first significant relationship took an identical path. I was such a **** that six months after trying to break it off, and of her banging some random, I let her come over to my house when she was having an off night. Surprisingly, she didn't let me **** her, although she did want to watch a movie, and I wanted to go to bed, because I had to work the next morning. In the AM I wrote her directions to get to the bus to get back to her area of the city, and alluded to her that I was still available to her. Big mistake. Another painful year went by before I got one final call from her, and finally had the guts to tell her, in very clear terms, to never, ever contact me again. And it finally worked. And it slowly began to feel better.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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Maybe i'm being naive, and maybe it hurts too much to think about it, but why do you guys insist so deeply that there maybe some one else?

Girls are like monkeys. They don't let go of one branch until they have a solid hold on another. She's done with you. She made that clear the first night that yall had to "talk". She wouldn't be done with you if she didn't already have an option. But, she won't drop you until the option is a sure thing.

If you were still doing everything for her better than somebody else, she wouldn't be putting you through this. Maybe you quit caring and trying, maybe you aren't as affectionate and interesting, maybe she's young and bored and ready to experience something new from life, maybe she hit it off with someone else. You probably won't be able to tell the cause for a while. It doesn't change the fact that girls don't go to break up with a guy unless they have someone else to turn to.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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Maybe i'm being naive, and maybe it hurts too much to think about it, but why do you guys insist so deeply that there maybe some one else?

If there is, you're going to find out if you keep trying to spend time with her, because she will tell you. You know it's over. Why take the risk of extra pain.

i read it different. its not necessarily that she's met someone else, it's that she doesn't know what the **** she wants. bear in mind he's 19 and she's 20.

Originally Posted by Teger

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i read it different. its not necessarily that she's met someone else, it's that she doesn't know what the **** she wants.
Most girls I've known just shut up and roll with it until they've got it figured out if all that's wrong is being unsure about the future... I've had a lot of female friends, so I've watched on their end, and it mirrors what I went through (though I was convinced that ours was the exception). An unsatisfied girl will keep her mouth shut, start shopping around, run what she finds through a trial phase, and then bail on the dude if she likes it. Most of the time they've had guilt trips or freak out and gone back for their boyfriends for a week or two while still seeing the guy before dropping the boyfriend altogether.

Originally Posted by HgaleK

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Most girls I've known just shut up and roll with it until they've got it figured out if all that's wrong is being unsure about the future...

I've had a lot of female friends, so I've watched on their end, and it mirrors what I went through (though I was convinced that ours was the exception). An unsatisfied girl will keep her mouth shut, start shopping around, run what she finds through a trial phase, and then bail on the dude if she likes it. Most of the time they've had guilt trips or freak out and gone back for their boyfriends for a week or two while still seeing the guy before dropping the boyfriend altogether.

Its honestly taking every single last ******* fiber of my being from calling her right now, and grilling her about this.

Not that I havent asked her before if there is someone else, to which she of course says no, but all of this talk is making me a lot more weary.

I have to make it to Wednesday, I will not talk to her, I will not.

Maybe i'm masochistic, but I need to know, and i'll find out.

come on... what a disaster.

Originally Posted by HgaleK

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Most girls I've known just shut up and roll with it until they've got it figured out if all that's wrong is being unsure about the future...

I've had a lot of female friends, so I've watched on their end, and it mirrors what I went through (though I was convinced that ours was the exception). An unsatisfied girl will keep her mouth shut, start shopping around, run what she finds through a trial phase, and then bail on the dude if she likes it. Most of the time they've had guilt trips or freak out and gone back for their boyfriends for a week or two while still seeing the guy before dropping the boyfriend altogether.

pretty cynical. there are also break ups caused by a hundred other different issues.