I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

Originally Posted by MarkI

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**** this is not easy, I want to call her, speak to her, see her, but i'm really going to stay strong and resist.

This is where you follow the APK method where you buy a notebook to write down anything you want to tell her, whenever you feel like telling her. I've done this twice and while it doesn't heal everything, it's cathartic to get those thoughts out there without actually getting those thoughts out there.

Originally Posted by APK

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This is where you follow the APK method where you buy a notebook to write down anything you want to tell her, whenever you feel like telling her. I've done this twice and while it doesn't heal everything, it's cathartic to get those thoughts out there without actually getting those thoughts out there.

This might work, but whatever you do, don't get drunk and write her a ten page letter. That's a mistake. Trust.

..

Originally Posted by Teger

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your thinking right now is 'maybe if i give her the space she wanted she'll realize how much she msises me and come back to me' maybe, maybe not. but whatever happens you still don't have any closure or finality. that's why it's not over
I think i'm fine with that though, I don't want to appear weak by going back to her, when I made it so clear that i'm the one out. Thats closure enough for me.

Originally Posted by Teger

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yo we should start maknig paypal bets on what happens. marki you ok with that?
Sure, lemme just create a secret username and get in on the action.

Originally Posted by gort

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Whatever you do, don't cancel your "date" tonight. Even if you don't try to smash the biscuit, it'll give you something to do instead of sitting around moping and feeling bad about ****. Also, this is obvious, but don't talk about your breakup with tonight's girl. At all.
Yeah i'm gonna go through with it, and of course thats obvious.

Originally Posted by Teger

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markI if she called you and was like 'im sorry, lets grab dinner tonight', what would you do?
I honestly could not say. I like to think that I would say i'm busy tonight, and I can't and see how that goes. But I would probably cave and say ok. Ugh.

Originally Posted by Matt

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ok dude, sincere bro love offer follows. whenever this urge strikes you, PM me whatever you were going to say. You can get as emo and whiny and bitchy as you like, just get it off your chest and not anywhere near her ears. It'll go no further. you are more likely to **** this up by leaving a door open than by closing one. Think "scarcity". People want what they can't have. Your time needs to be scarce. Good for you man, enjoy it.
Haha! I'll keep it in mind, gracias senior, and I hope you are right about the scarcity thing

Originally Posted by APK

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This is where you follow the APK method where you buy a notebook to write down anything you want to tell her, whenever you feel like telling her. I've done this twice and while it doesn't heal everything, it's cathartic to get those thoughts out there without actually getting those thoughts out there.

I think I will do this.

Originally Posted by kwilkinson

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If you get lucky with this first date after the breakup, don't make the same mistake i did and call her by your ex's name.

A good friend of mine has dated three women in sequence with the same first name. It's ******* cheating.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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**** this is not easy, I want to call her, speak to her, see her, but i'm really going to stay strong and resist.

I'm a little worried though, because I kind of made it a point throughout this whole thing, that if we break up I don't want anything to do with her, and wont pick up her calls, answer her texts etc. I kind of regret that, because what if she wants to call me, but wont because of that...?

Going on a date tonight though, hopefully that goes well.

I'd never drunk dialed anybody until recently breaking up. If you don't want to call her then it might be helpful to remove her number entirely from your phone just to remove as much temptation as possible.

the issue is dude, you don't want the relationship to be over. you still want to be with her. and im not saying there's anything wrong with that, cause i dont know your relationship, and i don't know what's going to happen, but when YOU don't want it to be over, you can't move on.

as i keep saying - compare your posts to mellowfellows. his stance is 'its over. its awful. but it was for the best' yours is '****, im gonna go on a date. BUT I STILL HOPE SHE CALLS AND WANTS ME'.

see the diff?

i mean, not gonna judge you cause i dont really care, but don't bs.

Just so y'all know, it took me two years to get over my six year LTR. Your mileage may vary.

Originally Posted by unjung

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Just so y'all know, it took me two years to get over my six year LTR. Your mileage may vary.

I'm pushing on a year with no true end in sight. Meetup for drinks?

they say it is normal for it to take half as long as you were in the relationship to move on.

Originally Posted by HgaleK

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I'd never drunk dialed anybody until recently breaking up. If you don't want to call her then it might be helpful to remove her number entirely from your phone just to remove as much temptation as possible.

Of course I did that, as well as removing any physical reminders of her in my life.

Deleting her number doesn't matter, cause I've got all 3 of the numbers she can possibly be reached at committed to memory.

Originally Posted by Teger

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the issue is dude, you don't want the relationship to be over. you still want to be with her. and im not saying there's anything wrong with that, cause i dont know your relationship, and i don't know what's going to happen, but when YOU don't want it to be over, you can't move on.

as i keep saying - compare your posts to mellowfellows. his stance is 'its over. its awful. but it was for the best' yours is '****, im gonna go on a date. BUT I STILL HOPE SHE CALLS AND WANTS ME'.

see the diff?

i mean, not gonna judge you cause i dont really care, but don't bs.

The thing is I don't want her back, because I know she might not really want me.

It is for the best, because she agreed with me where she said she would stay and we'd try to fix ****, I gave up on that, cause I wasn't convinced she was into it like that, so then I left.

Just because i'm ok with it, blah blah blah, doesn't mean i'm not down about it, and yes, if she wanted me back I would certainly consider it, but I'm not regarding it as a realistic reality, and in doing that, telling myself to move on.

Originally Posted by edinatlanta

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they say it is normal for it to take half as long as you were in the relationship to move on.

I can categorically say that "they" are wrong in this instance.

look, as i keep saying, it aint done. you will be back with her within a week.

even this reply proves it - 'the thing is I don't want her back, BECAUSE I KNOW SHE MIGHT NOT REALLY WANT ME.'

your like/dislike of her is a function of her like/dislike for YOU. judge her not for her feelings for you (does she like me? doesn't she like me?) but rather was a function of her qualities.

to continue.. basically dude, she has the power in this relationship equation. and thats not necessarily a bad thing. my theory is we all make relationship compacts wherein we define the terms of our relationship and accept them. if your relationship is based on her like/dislike of you, and you're ok with that, that's fine - whatever is gonna make you happy. but please don't pretend that this isn't the situation you're in. and if it's a situation you don't like, don't be in it!