I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

Originally Posted by Matt

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Or just expatriating her tampons from your bathroom closet?

Sorry to hear about that dude.
Sometimes I feel women are much better at looking after their own interest than we are. My last gf left in somewhat similar circumstances (she needed time on her own to figure things out, she said, though I'm not an idiot and am well aware of what that entails).

But I'm 6 months down the line now. I do miss her some days more than others. But I just know I'll wake up one day, and I'll be ok eventually. Fact is, there isn't just one woman for you in the world.

Oh and on the bright side, I can sleep with three different girls in a week and NOBODY looks down on it. And my tortured soul makes me more attractive.

This really isnt easy.

Now she says she wants a "seperation" she needs some space to get her thoughts together, and she still loves me, and cares about me, and says that she wants to be with me, except that right now she cant.

So what the ****? Am I supposed to sit here like a bump on a log, and wait for her to come back, or make up her mind? Or should I just tell her to **** off, and stop playing games with me, if she wants to be with me, then to be with me.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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Or should I just tell her to **** off, and stop playing games with me, if she wants to be with me, then to be with me.

Yes, yes, and she doesn't - she's just scared that she won't find anyone else.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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Now she says she wants a "seperation" she needs some space to get her thoughts together, and she still loves me, and cares about me, and says that she wants to be with me, except that right now she cant. So what the ****? Am I supposed to sit here like a bump on a log, and wait for her to come back, or make up her mind? Or should I just tell her to **** off, and stop playing games with me, if she wants to be with me, then to be with me.
What all that means is she cares about you just enough that she doesn't want to feel guilty for hurting your feelings by telling you it is over, but it is over. Don't wait around. If x months down the line she has her **** together and wants to be with you and you are single and want to give it another go then by all means, but don't wait expecting that to happen. I sort of did that for a while, it was a pretty bad time. Much better to just accept it is over.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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Or should I just tell her to **** off, and stop playing games with me, if she wants to be with me, then to be with me.
close.

Tell her that you have had a lot of time to think in the past few days, and you have come to agree with her. You are better off apart. Wish her well. Then sit back and wait.

There are two options.

1. she feels dumped and comes running back as she ponders Life Without Him and 'omigodwhathaveidone?'. This is kind of what you want.
2. she doesn't, in which case you are slightly better off than you are now, as at least she isn't stringing your ass along.

Either way, leave out the victim Quit Playing Games With My Heart stuff from your spiel.

Originally Posted by Matt

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close.

Tell her that you have had a lot of time to think in the past few days, and you have come to agree with her. You are better off apart. Wish her well. Then sit back and wait.

There are two options.

1. she feels dumped and comes running back as she ponders Life Without Him and 'omigodwhathaveidone?'. This is kind of what you want.
2. she doesn't, in which case you are slightly better off than you are now, as at least she isn't stringing your ass along.

Either way, leave out the victim Quit Playing Games With My Heart stuff from your spiel.

+1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Breaking up is like trying to tip over a coke machine; you can't do it in one push, you have to rock it back and forth a couple of times. - Jerry Seinfeld

This is probably what's happening right now. Most people, even those who know deep down that they want to end a relationship, start second-guessing themselves once the idea of splitting has been addressed. That's generally because unless you were a total ************* the entire relationship, the other person starts considering the quality aspects of the person they're severing ties with.

What she's asking you right now, intentionally or not, is for you to sit pat while she figures things out. That's unfair to you, especially since history suggests she'll ultimately stick with her original decision to split.

Ditto everyone ahead of me. She's the one who left; if she can't handle being apart, that's her problem alone. If she wants to share relationship problems, she has to be in the relationship.

Originally Posted by Matt

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close. Tell her that you have had a lot of time to think in the past few days, and you have come to agree with her. You are better off apart. Wish her well. Then sit back and wait. There are two options. 1. she feels dumped and comes running back as she ponders Life Without Him and 'omigodwhathaveidone?'. This is kind of what you want. 2. she doesn't, in which case you are slightly better off than you are now, as at least she isn't stringing your ass along. Either way, leave out the victim Quit Playing Games With My Heart stuff from your spiel.
And the perilous saga of Mark continues. I'm taking these next couple of days off, for myself. Going to visit my best friend in Philadelphia, gonna drink, party...and throughout all of this consider myself single, and tell myself she aint coming back. We spoke today, she still continues with all the same ****... she still wants her time apart, i'll give her that. We agreed on Sunday night to meet up, and go from there. I am not telling myself we are getting back together. She knows that if she leaves, I am not coming back, nor will I just sit here and wait for her any longer. I told her that if she still really loves me, still cares, we can work it out together. If she doesnt realize that; I am out. She knows she'll never speak to me again, etc. I will erase her from my life. So yeah. By the way, shout out to all you guys, definitely feels good to have an outlet like this. Appreciated.

I find humor helpful in these things, because the default is head-holding drama. Next time you talk, and she asks you what you've been up to, say something like "Oh, just updating my jdate profile." It will help diffuse the awkwardness, or at least it has for me in the past. In any event, good luck.

"do you know how hard it is to get that many hookers to shut up when they are locked in the trunk of your car?"

Originally Posted by Matt

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"do you know how hard it is to get that many hookers to shut up when they are locked in the trunk of your car?"

facebooked

Originally Posted by mordecai

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I find humor helpful in these things, because the default is head-holding drama. Next time you talk, and she asks you what you've been up to, say something like "Oh, just updating my jdate profile." It will help diffuse the awkwardness, or at least it has for me in the past. In any event, good luck.

Agreed, humor does help and the one you have is quite good. Really and I don't mean to be sarcastic. But let's assume for one seconds that all of us here actually takes your advice into consideration and decides to break the awkwardness with that line, and it so happen, since I am pretty sure that most of us here live in the same country and even city or street, to date the same girl and use that same line. Wouldn't that be even more awkward?

Originally Posted by Smithman

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Agreed, humor does help and the one you have is quite good. Really and I don't mean to be sarcastic. But let's assume for one seconds that all of us here actually takes your advice into consideration and decides to break the awkwardness with that line, and it so happen, since I am pretty sure that most of us here live in the same country and even city or street, to date the same girl and use that same line. Wouldn't that be even more awkward?
you had me at hello (but everything else confused me)