I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

Originally Posted by Eason

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In this case, taking, though I'm sure she wouldn't have given if I asked. I don't know what the **** Chinese guys are doing in bed but they should be ******* ashamed of being so bad at it.
I feel ya. I am a big fan of giving.

Originally Posted by deadly7

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Mebbe you was just bad and she was like "omg no please stop"??? Even worse than that is girls that claim to love giving and ******* suck at it.
Tell me about it. Getting a bad ** feels like such a waste of time. Especially with the random tooth thrown in too.

Originally Posted by NAMOR

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Dont do it. YOU WILL ******** and then you will get back together. Youll start to pretend that nothing ever happened and that everything is back to normal when it isnt.

I remember breaking up with my ex in a hotel room while we were away for a weekend. The hotel fucked up and gave us two doubles instead of a king so it was a bad omen from the start. Toward the end of our stay, the **** hit the fan and we broke up. We did the whole break up thing (yelling, crying, accusing, repeat) for 4-5 hours. I was done with her emotionally at that point.

We went to bed each in our own beds. 30 minutes later she is in my bed telling me she doesnt want to lose me. *********. Next morning, im like "****, what did I just do?" We ended up breaking up 3 weeks later but that one lay cost me 3 weeks of life. DONT SLEEP in the same bed.

You're right. But it's too late. She's a tough one to escape from.

Originally Posted by acecow

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You're right. But it's too late.

She's a tough one to escape from.
haaa. cant blame ya..

Originally Posted by gort

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I feel ya. I am a big fan of giving.




Tell me about it. Getting a bad ** feels like such a waste of time. Especially with the random tooth thrown in too.

For reals- like you think "I could be posting on SF-aghhhhh tooth! now. Or preparing for work tomorrow... did I cut my toenails recently? I wish I could cut them right now."

So I got hit with the, "I'd like some time apart, I still love you, and i'm not leaving you, but I want some time apart" deal.

Realistically, what does this mean?

She wants to bang other people.*


*Perhaps no one specifically at the moment, but she's trying to spare your feelings that she doesn't want to be with you anymore by framing her decision the way she has.

To extrapolate a bit on that, I wouldn't doubt that she's isn't sincere when she speaks about her feelings for you. That she's ending the relationship the way she is proves that.

I've gotten my walking papers in similar fashion and had several friends who did, too. It rarely ends in getting back together. Why? Because when someone severs ties that way, they've already made up their mind about the relationship. They're just trying to spare your feelings at that point and minimize the potentially devastating blow.

Look at it this way: If someone genuinely acknowledges what a catch you are or how "right" you are for them, why would they let you go, even if only momentarily? If they genuinely had any intention of working things out, they wouldn't suggest the "break" route. The break is almost universally the dry run to actually ending the relationship.

Ironically, ending things this way to spare the feelings of the person getting dumped often does more harm than good in the long run. The dumped person takes the lack of finality in the other person's decision as a sign of possible reconciliation later on. This only marsupials the healing process usually necessary after exiting a long relationship.

This stuff isn't universal, but it's pretty damn close. It's a terrible feeling, but the sooner you come to terms with this, the quicker you can heal those open wounds.

Pretty much what I thought

**** sucks, but speaking as someone who's been through a similar situation, grasping on to the remote chance that they'll reconsider or fall back only prolongs the inevitable. Had I the chance to do it again, I'd allot the necessary mourning time and then just try to pull it together and move on. I clung on for way, way too long and it reaped me no perks.

Silver lining: Being part of a truly committed relationship (i.e. marriage) means having to work through the lows together. I don't know the specifics of this situation or why this girl needs time alone, but that's weak sauce for anyone who wants to be part of a functioning relationship. A lot of people just shouldn't be with the people they're with, but if you're going to make an earnest attempt at a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship, you have to put trust in your partner to be a mode of support in rough times. You can't just push that person away or take your ball and go home.

Originally Posted by APK

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**** sucks, but speaking as someone who's been through a similar situation, grasping on to the remote chance that they'll reconsider or fall back only prolongs the inevitable. Had I the chance to do it again, I'd allot the necessary mourning time and then just try to pull it together and move on. I clung on for way, way too long and it reaped me no perks.
This is basically where I'm at, and have been for 9 months. I now have got it through my thick skull that we won't be together again, but for some reason my heart still isn't ready to jump back into the world of women. ****'s weak sauce!

Lightweight. I was pushing somewhere in the neighborhood of < 12 months. Still not psyched up about the idea of her coming in contact with other penors, but that's life.

Digression, but it actually took news of my brother's impending separation from his wife to slap some sense into me. His outlook and big-picture perspective on the whole situation was pretty much what I needed to get me to that "light at the end of the tunnel" phase of the post-relationship healing.

Originally Posted by APK

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**** sucks, but speaking as someone who's been through a similar situation, grasping on to the remote chance that they'll reconsider or fall back only prolongs the inevitable. Had I the chance to do it again, I'd allot the necessary mourning time and then just try to pull it together and move on. I clung on for way, way too long and it reaped me no perks.

Silver lining: Being part of a truly committed relationship (i.e. marriage) means having to work through the lows together. I don't know the specifics of this situation or why this girl needs time alone, but that's weak sauce for anyone who wants to be part of a functioning relationship. A lot of people just shouldn't be with the people they're with, but if you're going to make an earnest attempt at a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship, you have to put trust in your partner to be a mode of support in rough times. You can't just push that person away or take your ball and go home.

I agree with everything you're saying.

We've just been through a rough patch. It really sucks, she was always the one who spoke about marrying and spending the rest of our days together.

One of the last texts I have from her is "I wish I could fast forward to a future where we spend every night together"

Frankly i'm still a bit lost. Don't know how this **** works out. So what do I do know? Do I just sit here like a duck waiting for her to call and give me her desicion? Or should I just automatically begin to move on, assume she's gone, which is most likely the wisest thing to do.

It's kind of silly, but the thing keeping me together somewhat, is myself TELLING myself she will have to see me again eventually. For gods sake, I am typing this from her laptop, i've got a **** ton of her clothes and things here.

I keep telling myself, even if she does say it's over for good, then she'll come back to get her things and yeah...

I need to stop being so ******* delusional.

And I dunno about jumping into women emotionally again, Kwilk, but i'm sure as **** going to try and nail everything I can...but I can't even do that now, because technically we're still in a relationship, and I would consider that cheating.

I have no ******* idea what to do with myself.

Despite the cliche, girls are often the first to move on or stick to the decision to keep the separation intact. How she handles these coming weeks hinges a lot on her personality. Some girls cave and come back. Most stick to their guns. In the event that she does fallback, you need to be wary of a relapse. The fallback usually stems from that moment of weakness or apprehension about the suddenly less-than-clear future because of the separation. Rarely does it seem to happen because a genuine interest to not just get back with that person, but stay with them.

It really sucks, she was always the one who spoke about marrying and spending the rest of our days together.

One of the last texts I have from her is "I wish I could fast forward to a future where we spend every night together"

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It's easier said that put into action, but in times like this, you can't put much stock into those sentiments. Unless she's loopy, this decision is some time in the making. It's entirely possible (and likely) she made these most recent proclamations even though she already knew she was likely to end things.

I have a Facebook message from the aforementioned girl sort of gushing about some of the great things we were going to do in the coming months. She ended things a week after that. I later questioned that, to which she responded something along the lines of, "sometimes we say things, even though we're feeling something else."

It's kind of silly, but the thing keeping me together somewhat, is myself TELLING myself she will have to see me again eventually. For gods sake, I am typing this from her laptop, i've got a **** ton of her clothes and things here.

I keep telling myself, even if she does say it's over for good, then she'll come back to get her things and yeah...

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This will certainly be prime opportunity for a relapse if it is going to happen. But don't tie too much hope in that. Again, I was in a similar spot (I had a ton of her stuff). We also had to see each other semi-frequently for several months after. I figured it wouldn't take long for her to realize, "hey, I do want to be with him, what was I thinking?" Never happened. She eventually got all of her things back, we spent several awkward months seeing each other, and nothing ever came of it other than a LOT of overwhelming grief for me.

The cliche bro response to this is "Go get under someone, du!" Considering how serious things sounded between you, I'd advise against this. Not because you two may get back together, but because this is time best spent alone (in the sense of sexual pursuits, not friends and family). But there's a fine line. Give it the appropriate amount of mourning (there's obviously no exact time, but I'd advise somewhere well south of what kwilk and I did) and then get back in the saddle.

^What I do in most of these life-and-*******-death situations is, I get in my WRX and heel-and-toe my way through about 25 miles of canyon. Then I get a jamba juice, listen to opera, and grill a steak.

Get out of the house. Don't think about it for, like, four hours. Obviously that's not a long-term solution right there, but you can't think all long-term all the time, and you definitely can't think at all when you're sitting in your room with some girls computer and a pile of her dirty underwear. You're young, you'll pull through, **** sucks now but it will get better.

I don't know why everyone always tells heartbroken little mensches to stick their happy-sticks into anything that stands still long enough to be caught. Take some time off from chixxx, mannn. Other than that, APK is pretty on point.

Wow, I think I kinda fucked up that pep-talk.

I also suggest deadlifts or pull-ups.

See, Mark, even Synthese has felt the pain and he's probably SW&amp;D's top candidate for Most Likely to Be Associated with Jay-Z's &quot;99 Problems.&quot;