Give your best advice to an expecting father

Originally Posted by NorCal

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How did the trip go? I see it was hard, do you have any tips to make it easier?
I was talking to my sister in law who is English and flies with her two kids back home from time to time and she said Infants were easy to fly with. It was once they started to walk a lot that it became hellish.

I'll likely be flying with a 8 month old and am interested in your experience.

What does he like to do? Keep your eyes open on what keeps his attention for a while. Favorite, book, favorite TV show, toy. Pack a whole bag of toys - some of his favorites and also some brand new ones. Take them out one by one to get him to focus on something. Do you have an iPad - this was the #1 lifesaver for us - between shows/cartoons and games, it kept them busy.

Red eyes are easy but if he's sleeping on your lap, make sure to go to the bathroom beforehand and do not drink a sip during the flight

Originally Posted by gdl203

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Do you have an iPad - this was the #1 lifesaver for us - between shows/cartoons and games, it kept them busy.

+1000 could not imagine a trip without it. (19 month old)

^
yep. I must have played the same 4 episodes of their favorite five times on our day flight back from Europe in August. Nothing else would keep them seated and quiet for a little bit. When I see some toddlers who are just sitting there, drawing on paper with crayons for an hour, I wonder "why couldn't my boys be like that?"

Oh and how could I forget: food. Pack a whole bunch of snacks, his favorite ones.

We should start a "best apps for the kids" thread. Id be curious what you think works. I know each kid is different, but there are some apps she opens and is mesmerized with - and others she just turns off 1-2-3.

Sidebar:

Fathers, how did you know when it was time to become one?
assuming it didn't happen by accident for you...

i know there's never a "right" time, but did you wake up one day and decide you wanted a son/daughter?

The wife and I just hit 30, which gives us a relatively short window to start putting buns in the oven. But I don't think either of us is in a big hurry either. It's really nice to be able to afford to do most of the things you want, and to spend that uninterrupted time with your spouse. Having a child at this point almost seems like it would be burdensome. I do want them in the future. I just don't know when. And obviously I don't have a WHOLE lot of time to get on the job.

No one wants to be the old ass parent in the room, who can't relate to their kids or who doesn't have the energy to chase them around...
But aren't you supposed to WANT to do it, instead of doing it because you're running out of time?
hrm.

When you stop thinking about the prospect of a child as "burdensome" is when it will likely be the right time.

I can't really say how I knew it was time. It just happened very naturally - many friends having children around us, therefore being exposed to them and seeing their own experiences probably helped us develop a sense that we wanted it to happen. We didn't really discuss it that much - we were on the same page. We did discuss in broad strokes our thoughts on parenting, how we'd want to raise them, etc...

word. i know the term 'burden' sounds callous and arguably immature, but it is what it is. not everyone has that yearning for little feet around the house. i'm certainly not against it. just not that eager at the moment. i imagine it'll be a natural development.

How old were you, gdl? I had just turned 37 (and chasing around and going off the slide is not a problem, woeisme... Yet.)

We had talked about it for quite a while (think years). My gf had had "motherly feelings" for some time, and we decided to go on vacation in Paris to talk about it and make the decision. The last conversation about it was in a restaurant where I gave my answer (she was already convinced) through a glass of champagne after dinner.

I picked up my wifes iPhone and saw an ovulation calendar app. When I got home from work, I had a jug of Jack Daniels waiting for me. The rapes did not subside for 4 days. I was ready.

Originally Posted by w.o.e.is.me.

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This sounds a lot like me, even down to the age question (we found out MrsG was pregnant about six weeks before my 31st birthday). For us, it just got to the point where it didn't make sense to keep waiting. We knew we were going to have kids, but we just kept coming up with reasons to wait. We eventually just decided to not prevent it, so to speak. We didn't do anything in particular to "try" and get pregnant, we just didn't do anything to stop it, either. I think, for us, the two factors that pushed us to say "OK, it's time" were: A) We're pretty sure we want two, and we'd heard stories about couples who took years to conceive. We were concerned that, if we turned out to be one of those couples, we could be looking at our late 30s before kid two was born, and we didn't want that to be the case. B) Shortly before we made the decision to have a kid, our lives stabilized considerably. I was in grad school for a while, so we were basically a one-income family (my assistantship income was meager, so MrsG was the primary breadwinner). I finished school and found a job the year before she got pregnant, which meant we were more prepared financially to deal with the cost of a kid. Plus, we were able to set down roots when I finished school. Prior to that, we didn't know where we'd end up when I was done. The honest answer is that you're never going to be completely ready, and we were aware of that. We just decided we were as ready as we'd ever be, and we didn't want to risk wishing we hadn't waited so long. At that point, we let nature take its course.

Originally Posted by w.o.e.is.me.

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word. i know the term 'burden' sounds callous and arguably immature, but it is what it is. not everyone has that yearning for little feet around the house. i'm certainly not against it. just not that eager at the moment. i imagine it'll be a natural development.
I understand and was not judging it. I'm simply saying that when you do get that yearning feeling and stop thinking about a child as being first and foremost an impediment to your couple life, that's when you'll know. I guess.

Originally Posted by NOBD

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How old were you, gdl? I had just turned 37 (and chasing around and going off the slide is not a problem, woeisme... Yet.)

We had talked about it for quite a while (think years). My gf had had "motherly feelings" for some time, and we decided to go on vacation in Paris to talk about it and make the decision. The last conversation about it was in a restaurant where I gave my answer (she was already convinced) through a glass of champagne after dinner.
I was 35 when they were born.

Is there some kind of sleeping pill for kids? To be used moderately - basically for a flight or two a year.

Originally Posted by Jodum5

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Is there some kind of sleeping pill for kids? To be used moderately - basically for a flight or two a year.

No - no doctor will recommend sedating a child. However, some infant medicine has drowsy side effects, e.g. Benadryl. Others use herbs and infusions like chamomille.

I was 35 when my first was born. frankly, I could have waited a year or two - I was really enjoying being married to my wife without kids. my wife gave me a little push, she had decided that she was ready. I am very happy with the timing, now. the twins were when I was 40, so we had a 5 year gap, which isn't what we wanted, we wanted a shorter gap, but I am not unhappy with it.

I liked having 8 years single (as a working person with disposable income), 5 years married, and to have my kids out of the house before I retire. that seems to be a good fit. I just hope that I am healthy enough to enjoy my grandkids.

I am 33, almost 34, and just had a baby six months ago. I had gone around and around on the idea and had a time frame. I had things I wanted in place before I knocked up the wife and still had ideas about the joys of freedom and being able to travel ect.

What I discovered is that I actually made a lot less use of my "freedom" than I might have expected, things like going out to bars hold no real allure for a couple of 30 somethings, and all the benchmarks I had in mind, income, job, purchases, always seemed to move. And they always will.

When my daughter was born I instantly was 100% ready, there was no question at all. If anything I wished I had not waited.
So my advice is .... don't over think it. Are you really going out and hiking Patagonia, or partying like hell? You can always find another reason to wait,another year at a job, another promotion gained, a home purchased, but all those reasons will seem really, really insignificant in the face of how great having kids is.
You are more ready than you think you are.