Married SFers: How much did your wedding cost?

I'm flying to Alaska in 10 days' time for my friend's wedding. The food is pot luck, the church hall I imagine is free to hire, and we're gonna have a great time.

Completely unnecessary to pay more than 1-2k for everything.

Originally Posted by rjakapeanut

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i agree, man. you guys are getting married to idiots just to get married. you shouldn't get married to anyone that materialistic.

i know for damn sure i'd only marry a girl who used a common sense approach to this kind of stuff. you guys are just settling. it's real dumb, but it explains the 70% divorce rate.

Er... this is a forum where people spend $1K+ on dinners and wear custom suits and shoes. Have you taken a look at your wardrobe lately? I'm willing to bet that a lot of people posting here go through $10K of outfits in a week, easy.

In any case, the extra $10K is a drop in the bucket in the long run. Don't sweat it. You are supposed to be in this to play the long game. My father (married 37 years) told me "Happy wife, happy life". While there are definitely things to stand your ground on, there's something to be said for not sweating the small stuff.

OP, I think that you are making the right choice. the suggestions people made to save money were good, we did most of those. we also used low end liquor, and put top label stuff under the counter with instructions to the barstaff to only give the good stuff to people who asked for it specifically.

one thing that I would highly recommend - ask a good friend, preferably somebody tough who doesn't drink too much, to keep an eye on things, sort of your advocate. one of my best friends at the time was a really tough litigator, and we asked her to keep an eye on things. I introduced her to the person from the hall as my lawyer, and told him that she was keeping an eye on things and that if anything wasn't as we contracted that I wouldn't let it distract me from the party, but that we would document it and take him to court afterword . it worked very well.

Originally Posted by LA Guy

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Er... this is a forum where people spend $1K+ on dinners and wear custom suits and shoes. Have you taken a look at your wardrobe lately? I'm willing to bet that a lot of people posting here go through $10K of outfits in a week, easy.

In any case, the extra $10K is a drop in the bucket in the long run. Don't sweat it. You are supposed to be in this to play the long game. My father (married 37 years) told me "Happy wife, happy life". While there are definitely things to stand your ground on, there's something to be said for not sweating the small stuff.

i don't really understand what any of that had to do with my post so i can't really respond to it.

but i will say that $10k in clothes and shoes that will last and are purchased OVER A PERIOD OF TIME and not all at once is alot more reasonable than $10k on a memory that lasts one day.

even if $10k is a "drop in the bucket" (it isn't for this guy or for most reasonable people) it still doesn't make it any less stupid. furthermore it's the principle that he's being forced to go out of pocket $30k, not just spending the $30k.

Originally Posted by GQgeek

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Can someone explain the appeal of a big wedding to me? I REALLY don't get it. Wtf would i want to spend all that money on people I never see and that I wouldn't miss if they were dead?

I had 100 people at my wedding because the wife and I both have big families. We knew everyone there and wanted to see them. We really didn't invite anyone that we wouldn't have missed, just happen to have a lot of connections. We didn't even invite a good number of our friends because of space constraints.

Now I don't understand people who do 300+ person weddings. You don't even get to see half the people there, and you're still paying for them.

Originally Posted by rjakapeanut

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i agree, man. you guys are getting married to idiots just to get married. you shouldn't get married to anyone that materialistic.

i know for damn sure i'd only marry a girl who used a common sense approach to this kind of stuff. you guys are just settling. it's real dumb, but it explains the 70% divorce rate.
You misunderstood. I wasn't saying don't spend on your wedding. The person that has to have the 30k wedding out-of-pocket instead of the 20k wedding (with no good reasons) to the point where she will argue about it and make your life hell is probably not going to be an easy mate later on in life. Never having been married myself, I'm just basing it off of some extremely spoiled women I've met.

Originally Posted by LA Guy

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Er... this is a forum where people spend $1K+ on dinners and wear custom suits and shoes. Have you taken a look at your wardrobe lately? I'm willing to bet that a lot of people posting here go through $10K of outfits in a week, easy.

In any case, the extra $10K is a drop in the bucket in the long run. Don't sweat it. You are supposed to be in this to play the long game. My father (married 37 years) told me "Happy wife, happy life". While there are definitely things to stand your ground on, there's something to be said for not sweating the small stuff.
NYR's post should be considered. Not everyone's a high roller and for some people $10k is a huge issue. The fact that the OP's asking suggests that they have better things for which to save up and spend.

Originally Posted by rjakapeanut

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i don't really understand what any of that had to do with my post so i can't really respond to it.

but i will say that $10k in clothes and shoes that will last and are purchased OVER A PERIOD OF TIME and not all at once is alot more reasonable than $10k on a memory that lasts one day.

even if $10k is a "drop in the bucket" (it isn't for this guy or for most reasonable people) it still doesn't make it any less stupid. furthermore it's the principle that he's being forced to go out of pocket $30k, not just spending the $30k.
The memory lasts certainly more than a day.

Not sure what the rest of your anti-wedding celebration post is trying to say or your big issue with weddings.

Originally Posted by coolpapaboze

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Big weddings are, in my opinion, an expensive party thrown for the benefit of people other than the bride and groom. It's stressful, expensive, and the bride and groom rarely even get to enjoy any of the festivities, like eating and drinking. I've never understood the appeal, never wanted one myself, and a disagreement like the one between the OP and his fiancee' is, in my opinion, a harbinger of things to come in the marriage.

I enjoyed the hell out of my wedding. One of the best days of my life, from start to finish Sure we were running around like crazy, but it was just a lot of fun, and we were the center of attention in a very natural and non-obnoxious way. Also got to bring a bunch of family circles together for perhaps the only time, which is kind of neat.

Neither of us was very picky about the details and didn't really stress too much about them. I'm sure plenty of stuff wasn't perfect but we really didn't notice. I actually got to eat, but barely tasted the food that I ate.

Agreed that people who have big fights with their fiancee about the wedding are in for a rough time. I wouldn't be happy with a woman who had a big princess complex about the wedding, I don't believe that stuff is ever really isolated to just the wedding. We spent a lot of money, but it was about everybody (including us) having a good time, not some fairytale from childhood embodied.

Originally Posted by Gibonius

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Agreed that people who have big fights with their fiancee about the wedding are in for a rough time. I wouldn't be happy with a woman who had a big princess complex about the wedding, I don't believe that stuff is ever really isolated to just the wedding. We spent a lot of money, but it was about everybody (including us) having a good time, not some fairytale from childhood embodied.

I'll agree with this, but it's not like everyone doesn't have their issues, one way or the other. My point is that the additional $5-10K is not something worth arguing about, since the OP was commited to paying on the order of $20-$25K anyway. It's the difference between spending a boatload of money and a slightly larger boatload of money. If the options were $1K or $30K, I might see the point in putting your foot down, but at this point, and given the stakes, fighting over $5-10K (which is approximately the downpayment on an outhouse these days) is like trying to save on toilet paper. There have got to be better things on which to be focused.

Originally Posted by rjakapeanut

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i don't really understand what any of that had to do with my post so i can't really respond to it.

but i will say that $10k in clothes and shoes that will last and are purchased OVER A PERIOD OF TIME and not all at once is alot more reasonable than $10k on a memory that lasts one day.

even if $10k is a "drop in the bucket" (it isn't for this guy or for most reasonable people) it still doesn't make it any less stupid. furthermore it's the principle that he's being forced to go out of pocket $30k, not just spending the $30k.

I said that $10K is a drop in the bucket in the long run. Assuming a conservative 5% rate of savings on gross income, and a combined income of $60K/y (so, just slightly above the median American household income), that is just over 3 years of savings, which is a sliver of the lifetime a couple is supposed to be preparing to spend together.

Originally Posted by globetrotter

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OP, I think that you are making the right choice. the suggestions people made to save money were good, we did most of those. we also used low end liquor, and put top label stuff under the counter with instructions to the barstaff to only give the good stuff to people who asked for it specifically.

Originally Posted by Gibonius

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I enjoyed the hell out of my wedding. One of the best days of my life, from start to finish

Sure we were running around like crazy, but it was just a lot of fun, and we were the center of attention in a very natural and non-obnoxious way. Also got to bring a bunch of family circles together for perhaps the only time, which is kind of neat.

Neither of us was very picky about the details and didn't really stress too much about them. I'm sure plenty of stuff wasn't perfect but we really didn't notice. I actually got to eat, but barely tasted the food that I ate.

Agreed that people who have big fights with their fiancee about the wedding are in for a rough time. I wouldn't be happy with a woman who had a big princess complex about the wedding, I don't believe that stuff is ever really isolated to just the wedding. We spent a lot of money, but it was about everybody (including us) having a good time, not some fairytale from childhood embodied.

For 30k, I'd rather be the center of attention at Rubinacci. Just sayin'

That's one thing Im really dreading.. being the center of attention. I don't mind being the center of attention if I'm telling a story or working a crowd, but an intimate moment where I'm getting married is not one of them. That's why that part is being done as quickly as humanly possible.

Originally Posted by RSS

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We quicky realized that it was our parents -- well more precisely our mothers -- who wanted a big wedding. We bowed out gracefully and let them plan and pay for it. That said, I recall seeing my father-in-law at the post wedding reception (1000+ guests). For a brief moment he was standing all alone in that crowded room ... looking terribly lonely. I walked up and asked if he was alright. He responded, "Alright, but broke." I retorted, "You know this was not our idea, we didn't really want a grand wedding. You didn't have to do this." He replied, "You really don't know your mother-in-law well enough yet. You will."

damn, bitches be crazy...

Feeling sorry for your father-in-law right now.

Originally Posted by GQgeek

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For 30k, I'd rather be the center of attention at Rubinacci. Just sayin'

you will be the best dressed guy at the whole MMPORG conference.

Personally, I rather be the only one with a woman, but then, I define spawn points very differently to you.

PS - just fuckin' witcha man, happy new year.