Contacting a girl for the first time

Jr Mouse · Dec 21, 2010

I never saw this as so much a "rules" thing as just a habit developed over time for the best results. Sure, I break it sometimes, but as I said before, it has worked well for me over the years to wait a day or two.

The texting thing, I can see where some of you are coming from. It's not nearly as personal as calling and some people dislike text messaging. When I do call the for the first contact, I try and keep it short. Find it's best to make plans for a date and keep things somewhat of a mystery for then.

Speaking of first dates, I almost always go for a lunch or coffee these days. It tends to make the girl feel more relaxed and less pressured. Maybe a happy hour, but generally avoid bars till we have gone out at least once.

pseudonym · Dec 22, 2010

^ Is this applicable to college students (< 21yo)?

Rambo · Dec 22, 2010

Originally Posted by JMRouse

Speaking of first dates, I almost always go for a lunch or coffee these days. It tends to make the girl feel more relaxed and less pressured. Maybe a happy hour, but generally avoid bars till we have gone out at least once.
Stick with that. I find desert to be a good option as well.

Jr Mouse · Dec 22, 2010

Originally Posted by Rambo

Stick with that. I find desert to be a good option as well.

Desert is a win too. Once you get past the first date you can always find a good wine/chocolate bar. I have seen a few of those pop up around lately. It's almost enough to make a girl go weak in the knees.

alan · Dec 22, 2010

Depends on how you two met.

If it was a few minutes quick chat or club meet and then you got her number, i think a text in the same night or calling next day is a must. I usually text the same night if its someone i like. Waiting too long will cool off whatever spark or interest you two had.

If its someone who already knew you existed or saw you around or that you spent a lot of time with when you met, you can get away with waiting a bit if you feel the connection is strong.

I understand the not coming off needy part but sooo much more will determine that (especially actually being not needy) that to rely on waiting before calling to convey that is silly.

jenlain · Dec 23, 2010

First date should be what you want to do (remember you are trying to determine if she is compatible with you and your interests). If you like to hang out in chocolate wine bars then go for it.

I prefer going for a drink for a first date. Typically on a Tuesday or Wednesday. After 9pm. Never Friday or Saturday.

Eason · Dec 23, 2010

Originally Posted by JMRouse

Desert is a win too. Once you get past the first date you can always find a good wine/chocolate bar. I have seen a few of those pop up around lately. It's almost enough to make a girl go weak in the knees.

It's dessert. ****!!!

Jr Mouse · Dec 23, 2010

Originally Posted by Eason

It's dessert. ****!!!

kwilkinson · Dec 23, 2010

I really don't like texting girls, especially if we're casually dating. It bugs the **** out of me that I'll call a girl and she will of course not answer and then text me back 30 seconds later. Every. Goddamned. Time. Why does nobody talk on the ACTUAL phone anymore?

style_goat · Dec 23, 2010

Phone conversations are more intrusive on one's time. They have their merits, but I would prefer to speak face-to-face, at least with texting you don't have to think on your feet as much and you'll more likely say the right thing if you have a few seconds more to think it over, also texting is not susceptible to awkward silences.

Jr Mouse · Dec 23, 2010

Originally Posted by kwilkinson

I really don't like texting girls, especially if we're casually dating. It bugs the **** out of me that I'll call a girl and she will of course not answer and then text me back 30 seconds later. Every. Goddamned. Time. Why does nobody talk on the ACTUAL phone anymore?

When do you call? If it's during the day, maybe she's busy and can't answer. Texting takes only a couple moments and can be done without disturbing others.

Not that I don't see your point and why you would dislike it. If I do call someone I would like them to call me back. A text back is ok every once in a while, but if it happens every time I would get irritated too.

kwilkinson · Dec 23, 2010

Originally Posted by JMRouse

When do you call? If it's during the day, maybe she's busy and can't answer. Texting takes only a couple moments and can be done without disturbing others.

Not that I don't see your point and why you would dislike it. If I do call someone I would like them to call me back. A text back is ok every once in a while, but if it happens every time I would get irritated too.

Random girls at random times. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with texting in and of itself. It's easier, you can think before you reply, etc. But damn. It's like these girls never want to talk on the phone. They're willing to have an hour-long text conversation with you about how they just saw the cutest little puppy, but once they're on the phone it's like "drinks tonight? yes. 9 works. Okay bye."

Pollux · Dec 23, 2010

General rule of thumb: Girls like it when guys don't play the same games they do. Don't overthink it.

freeAgent · Dec 23, 2010

Does nobody email anymore? I prefer it over txting. I reserve phone conversations for planning on the day of a date or late at night when there's lots of free time. The phone is definitely the riskiest medium to use, since you're put on the spot regarding what you say and how you say it. However, I think good phone conversations give a guy a lot of points with girls.

I only use txting occasionally when I want to send a quick note or something that doesn't really need a response. I don't think txting allows you to communicate as well as email and ends up wasting a lot more time and energy if you try and use it as a primary form of communication.

Jr Mouse · Dec 23, 2010

Originally Posted by kwilkinson

Random girls at random times. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with texting in and of itself. It's easier, you can think before you reply, etc. But damn. It's like these girls never want to talk on the phone. They're willing to have an hour-long text conversation with you about how they just saw the cutest little puppy, but once they're on the phone it's like "drinks tonight? yes. 9 works. Okay bye."

Yeah, last girl I went out with, we got into loooong text sessions in the evening to get to know each other. I guess I just figured if she was texting me so much, it's what made her comfortable and I didn't mind it at first. Didn't date that long so I can't say if it would have got old or not.

Originally Posted by freeAgent

Does nobody email anymore? I prefer it over txting. I reserve phone conversations for planning on the day of a date or late at night when there's lots of free time. The phone is definitely the riskiest medium to use, since you're put on the spot regarding what you say and how you say it. However, I think good phone conversations give a guy a lot of points with girls. I only use txting occasionally when I want to send a quick note or something that doesn't really need a response. I don't think txting allows you to communicate as well as email and ends up wasting a lot more time and energy if you try and use it as a primary form of communication.
I can't say I ever asked a girl I just met for her email... Sure if we continue dating past the short term, but I generally keep email out of it in the beginning. I feel the same way about Facebook, but I know a lot of guys who do the FB exchange right off the bat.

Contacting a girl for the first time

Stylish Dinosaur

Distinguished Member

Timed Out

Stylish Dinosaur

Distinguished Member

Well-Known Member

Bicurious Racist

Stylish Dinosaur

Having a Ball

Well-Known Member

Stylish Dinosaur

Having a Ball

New Member

Well-Known Member

Stylish Dinosaur

FEATURED PRODUCTS

Similar threads

Featured Sponsor

Definitely full canvas only

Half canvas is fine

Really don't care

Depends on fabric

Depends on price

Forum Sponsors

Forum statistics

FOLLOW STYLEFORUM ON: