Wedding party etiquette - can I use my own tux?

gumercindo · Sep 28, 2010

So i'm an usher in a good friend's wedding and he recently asked me to go to mens warehouse to get measured. I have a great RLPL tux that I'd love to wear.

MW tux: 2 button, notch lapel
My tux: 1 button, peak lapel (grosgrain lapel).

MW bowtie/cummerbund: solid black
My bowtie/cummerbund: black grosgrain

Is the difference b/w tuxes minimal enough or will it be too glaring? Same question goes for the tie and cummerbund. When I spoke to the MW rep, she seemed to think that the tie/cummerbund difference represented the greater difference.

I was thinking of bringing my jacket/tie/etc to MW to compare in person.
Thoughts?

CruzAzul · Sep 28, 2010

This is really your friend's decision, isn't it? Try to sell him on wearing yours, but ultimately, wear what he wants you to wear. It's his wedding.

makewayhomer · Sep 28, 2010

grooms call

obviously the tux's are different - I think thats a good thing, but he may not. more likely, the bride does not

Dr Huh? · Sep 28, 2010

Why is he having you wear a tux in the first place? You're just an usher.

Doc4 · Sep 28, 2010

Originally Posted by Unrefinery

This is really your friend's decision, isn't it? Try to sell him on wearing yours, but ultimately, wear what he wants you to wear. It's his wedding.

No!

The buddy will no doubt say "well, that's close enough, go for it, Bill."

Then the bride will see Bill in his different tux ruining the symmetry of the wedding party who are all supposed to be in identical tuxes and be forever mad at her husband for letting Bill get away with it, and even moreso at Bill.

Check with the bride! Spin it as a "let me save you some money on tux rental" option, but make it crystal clear that you'll wear the MW (omit adjectives we are all thinking) tux if that is her preference.

tonylumpkin · Sep 28, 2010

Originally Posted by Doc4

No!

Check with the bride!
+1,000,000 The groom has little, if anything to say about this. The wedding day belongs to the bride (if you doubt that, just ask one). I'm in my brother's wedding this Saturday and I'll be picking up my MW tux tomorrow...while my perfectly good, peak lapel, Brooks Brothers tux hangs in my closet.

gumercindo · Sep 28, 2010

Thanks for the replies. I have a friend that thought the difference in types of shirts (wing vs fold down) is more acceptable than the difference in jacket styles (notch 2b vs peak 1b). I didn't agree. Thoughts?

Bounder · Sep 28, 2010

Originally Posted by Doc4

No!

The buddy will no doubt say "well, that's close enough, go for it, Bill." Then the bride will see Bill in his different tux ruining the symmetry of the wedding party who are all supposed to be in identical tuxes and be forever mad at her husband for letting Bill get away with it, and even moreso at Bill.
You are probably correct and this is really, really stupid. At 15 feet, the differences are near-invisible and I doubt 1 out of 100 guests would notice the differences even if the could see them. Is anyone really going to look at a 5x7 picture of the wedding party and say, "OMG! the second usher from the left has a peak lapel tuxedo while everyone else has notch!!" Right.

Check with the bride! Spin it as a "let me save you some money on tux rental" option, but make it crystal clear that you'll wear the MW (omit adjectives we are all thinking) tux if that is her preference.

Nice try but probably a non-starter. Sadly, he is probably paying for the bride's attack of nuptial OCD out of his own pocket.

ChicagoMediaMan · Sep 28, 2010

I would say no as to using your own tux. I was in this same situation back in June when I was in a childhood friend's wedding. I had to rent an awful 2 button notch from MW when I own a nice 1 button peak. I asked the same question and the bride said all the groomsmen had to look exactly alike. I had to pay $160 to look like a douche for a few hours. You just have to suck it up.

luftvier · Sep 28, 2010

Originally Posted by Bounder

You are probably correct and this is really, really stupid. At 15 feet, the differences are near-invisible and I doubt 1 out of 100 guests would notice the differences even if the could see them. Is anyone really going to look at a 5x7 picture of the wedding party and say, "OMG! the second usher from the left has a peak lapel tuxedo while everyone else has notch!!"

You're committing the beginner's mistake of trying to speak logically to a bride about her upcoming wedding.

LaoHu · Sep 29, 2010

Originally Posted by luftvier

You're committing the beginner's mistake of trying to speak logically to a bride about her upcoming wedding.

This

SkinnyGoomba · Sep 29, 2010

Honestly If i had to buy a MW tux when I already owned a $4000 tux I might reconsider attending.

Captain Winky · Sep 29, 2010

If you're an usher, you're not actually standing at the front, are you? In which case who cares. At the very least, I'd wear my own trousers (who gives a **** if they don't match perfectly), much better than wearing a pair that some 18 year old kid may or may not have busted prematurely in last prom night...

How good a friend is this, anyways? Will you potentially be allienating your BFF if you just do what you want? More importantly, how much do you care about the bride, and how much **** will she give her husband if you are the one in the odd tux?

SkinnyGoomba · Sep 29, 2010

Better question....why are they buying Notch lapel tuxes. I understand them wanted you to dress in black tie (even though its probably in the middle of the afternoon

), but telling you which tuxedo to buy when you already own one is a little excessive. PLan B is just to wear the RLPL and hope that ether they dont notice, or quickly forgive you. I'd probably just claim that I can't afford my rent if i buy the mw

"oh, and buy the way i have this beautiful tux!"

LesterSnodgrass · Sep 29, 2010

Up to the bride and groom.

I let my groomsmen wear their own tuxes and in my opinion the finished product is far better that way. But I am lucky -- my wife let her bridesmaids buy their own dresses with a swatch she provided. Overall, our wedding party was a stylish bunch and they all knew what looked best on them.

Wedding party etiquette - can I use my own tux?

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