• Hi, I am the owner and main administrator of Styleforum. If you find the forum useful and fun, please help support it by buying through the posted links on the forum. Our main, very popular sales thread, where the latest and best sales are listed, are posted HERE

    Purchases made through some of our links earns a commission for the forum and allows us to do the work of maintaining and improving it. Finally, thanks for being a part of this community. We realize that there are many choices today on the internet, and we have all of you to thank for making Styleforum the foremost destination for discussions of menswear.
  • This site contains affiliate links for which Styleforum may be compensated.
  • We would like to welcome House of Huntington as an official Affiliate Vendor. Shop past season Drake's, Nigel Cabourn, Private White V.C. and other menswear luxury brands at exceptional prices below retail. Please visit the Houise of Huntington thread and welcome them to the forum.

  • STYLE. COMMUNITY. GREAT CLOTHING.

    Bored of counting likes on social networks? At Styleforum, you’ll find rousing discussions that go beyond strings of emojis.

    Click Here to join Styleforum's thousands of style enthusiasts today!

    Styleforum is supported in part by commission earning affiliate links sitewide. Please support us by using them. You may learn more here.

Feel like I'm going nowhere in life

aj_del

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
6,673
Reaction score
128
Originally Posted by pokey07
I also had a horrible day at work, and knowing that I'm going to be making $40k/year for the rest of my life made it doubly depressing.


The feeling is not different is you are making 400K instead of 40K. Thats just an excuse you give yourself.
 

MetroStyles

Stylish Dinosaur
Joined
May 4, 2006
Messages
14,586
Reaction score
30
Living life for your children only implies that there is no meaning to life without children. Moreover, is the entire point of our existence to breed, then?

In a nutshell, pretty much. Biologically, at least.

Camus would say you have two options upon realizing life is absurd (i.e. meaningless). Suicide, or acceptance. He vouches for acceptance - for choosing your own meaning. But in the very end, it is all a philosophical *******. In the real world, we occupy ourselves with thoughts, people, and habits, to the point of not having any mental space for existential thought. It'll only creep up on you when you least expect it - in the mornings dragging yourself out of bed, or late at night, lying awake next to your sleeping wife when a sudden feeling of being trapped descends upon you.

Camus was probably depressed, so why would you listen to him? But it's an interesting concept.
 

TheFoo

THE FOO
Dubiously Honored
Joined
Feb 11, 2007
Messages
26,705
Reaction score
9,841
Well, you're also only 24, and I assume the reason why you're working a dead-end job and living with your mother has something to do with the economy being the worst it's been since the Great Depression. While it's always worth reflecting on your life goals, keep things in perspective: many of us are in a similar rut and making it day-to-day is very much its own reward. Things will get better. You and I both have to believe that.
 

aj_del

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
6,673
Reaction score
128
Originally Posted by MetroStyles
Living life for your children only implies that there is no meaning to life without children. Moreover, is the entire point of our existence to breed, then?

In a nutshell, pretty much. Biologically, at least.

Camus would say you have two options upon realizing life is absurd (i.e. meaningless). Suicide, or acceptance. He vouches for acceptance - for choosing your own meaning. But in the very end, it is all a philosophical *******. In the real world, we occupy ourselves with thoughts, people, and habits, to the point of not having any mental space for existential thought. It'll only creep up on you when you least expect it - in the mornings dragging yourself out of bed, or late at night, lying awake next to your sleeping wife when a sudden feeling of being trapped descends upon you.

Camus was probably depressed, so why would you listen to him? But it's an interesting concept.


Interesting you should mention it, some nights when I am unable to sleep feel like smothering the wife and child and breaking free (though I have no idea what break free means). Feel even more frustrated knowing I will never have the balls to do it.
 

Jekyll

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2008
Messages
6,166
Reaction score
21
Originally Posted by aj_del
(though I have no idea what break free means).

IMPORTANT NOTICE: No media files are hosted on these forums. By clicking the link below you agree to view content from an external website. We can not be held responsible for the suitability or legality of this material. If the video does not play, wait a minute or try again later. I AGREE

TIP: to embed Youtube clips, put only the encoded part of the Youtube URL, e.g. eBGIQ7ZuuiU between the tags.

I think it has something to do with the ****
confused.gif
uhoh.gif
 

pokey07

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Messages
465
Reaction score
0
Originally Posted by Mr Herbert
sorry to hear about your dad mate

i think only the luckiest people know exactly what they want from life and head down that path effortlessly.

the only thing to do is some deep soul searching. it sounds like you want to acheive something with your life so thats the first step. now the hard bit is figuring out what. be realistic abou what will make you happy and work hard towards acheiving it.

this reads like some bullshit self help guide but i went through the same thing and came out the other side. i was a few years older than everyone i graduated with but knew what i was doing is what i wanted to do.

good luck


Thanks for the advice. I guess I have to figure out what I want from this life...

Originally Posted by aj_del
The feeling is not different is you are making 400K instead of 40K. Thats just an excuse you give yourself.

I imagine I could get a lot classier hookers on that salary though.

Originally Posted by mafoofan
Well, you're also only 24, and I assume the reason why you're working a dead-end job and living with your mother has something to do with the economy being the worst it's been since the Great Depression. While it's always worth reflecting on your life goals, keep things in perspective: many of us are in a similar rut and making it day-to-day is very much its own reward. Things will get better. You and I both have to believe that.

The reason I'm working a dead-end job... some of it's because of the economy, some of it's because of my undergrad performance. Can't change that now though.

And yes things will get better! I hope! ****!
 

MetroStyles

Stylish Dinosaur
Joined
May 4, 2006
Messages
14,586
Reaction score
30
Originally Posted by pokey07

And yes things will get better! I hope! ****!


Drink a lot and immerse yourself in cheap *****. It is the only way.
 

TheFoo

THE FOO
Dubiously Honored
Joined
Feb 11, 2007
Messages
26,705
Reaction score
9,841
Camus is sort of an underdeveloped existentialist. Life is only absurd if we assume that pain and suffering marsupial happiness--to be precise, they only marsupial pleasure. If one is capable of the sort of psychological reprogramming that Camus suggests in order to accept absurdity, why not do one better and accept suffering as a positive experience? In doing so, we don't have to fight the logic that life is absurd, because it would no longer be absurd at all.

Anyway, I don't see why a preoccupation with "thoughts, people, and habits" precludes existential affirmation.
 

pokey07

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Messages
465
Reaction score
0
Originally Posted by Jekyll
IMPORTANT NOTICE: No media files are hosted on these forums. By clicking the link below you agree to view content from an external website. We can not be held responsible for the suitability or legality of this material. If the video does not play, wait a minute or try again later. I AGREE

TIP: to embed Youtube clips, put only the encoded part of the Youtube URL, e.g. eBGIQ7ZuuiU between the tags.

I think it has something to do with the ****
confused.gif
uhoh.gif


haha, when I read that the first thing I thought was Chris Benoit.

But the second thing was Queen.
 

pokey07

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Messages
465
Reaction score
0
Originally Posted by MetroStyles
Drink a lot and immerse yourself in cheap *****. It is the only way.

I've got that down to a science.
 

Henry Carter

Distinguished Member
Joined
Oct 27, 2009
Messages
4,471
Reaction score
4,218
This is all rather saddening, for all of you guys feeling like this.

One of my favourite quotes is from that of the dalai lama which is quite simple

"I believe the true meaning of life is to find happiness"

I have this written on my wall (a chalkboard wall) and look at it every morning. It very simple because if you are not happy, then you should look at why and try and do something about it.

I'm not a particularly religous person but do live my life to a basic set of buddhist principles of if you are good to people it will be returned which works for me. Karma if you will.

But remember there is almost always someone worse off in life than you are, for example I do volunteer work for the red cross with a guy who has downs syndrome and the highlight of his week is me picking him up to go see a movie or go bowling, which is just an everday activity for you or I.

This in itself doesn't make me happy of course, but I certainly feel much more fortunate myself knowing that things really aren't that bad for me. I have a good job, I'm fit, own my apartment (well bank does), drive a nice car and am generally pretty happy and healthy, so life could be way worse. You just have to look at it from a different perspective. I'm 30 and unmarried but would like to be in the next 5 years, but while I could let this get me down I don't, I just get on with living life.

For the OP, there is surely someone out there with no parents left in more despair than you are, so be thankful you still have your mother. AJ, there is surely someone out there that doesn't have a beautiful wife and child that wants those things, and you should appreciate that you do. I think you get my point.

I think you should definitely get some greif counselling to start off with, this could be a big part of the problem with you getting motivated.

Good luck!
 

Hombre Secreto

Distinguished Member
Joined
Mar 25, 2007
Messages
6,076
Reaction score
3,185
Originally Posted by pokey07
I've got that down to a science.

You're depressed and booze isn't going to help you. Quit drinking or getting high. You're an unhappy person and NOTHING is capable of making you happy right about now. You need to be able to think long and hard to help yourself, and having a clear mind is key. Try seeking a mentor. Someone who is a lot older than you, and has gone through way more **** than you.

And don't have kids anytime soon. You ain't mature enough, and throwing a kid into the mix right now would be really bad for everyone involved. Good luck, dude.
 

Mr Herbert

Distinguished Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2009
Messages
1,646
Reaction score
10
Originally Posted by aj_del
Interesting you should mention it, some nights when I am unable to sleep feel like smothering the wife and child and breaking free (though I have no idea what break free means). Feel even more frustrated knowing I will never have the balls to do it.

am i the only one disturbed by this admission?
 

pokey07

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Messages
465
Reaction score
0
Originally Posted by Charlie's Wardrobe
This is all rather saddening, for all of you guys feeling like this.

One of my favourite quotes is from that of the dalai lama which is quite simple

"I believe the true meaning of life is to find happiness"

I have this written on my wall (a chalkboard wall) and look at it every morning. It very simple because if you are not happy, then you should look at why and try and do something about it.

I'm not a particularly religous person but do live my life to a basic set of buddhist principles of if you are good to people it will be returned which works for me. Karma if you will.

But remember there is almost always someone worse off in life than you are, for example I do volunteer work for the red cross with a guy who has downs syndrome and the highlight of his week is me picking him up to go see a movie or go bowling, which is just an everday activity for you or I.

This in itself doesn't make me happy of course, but I certainly feel much more fortunate myself knowing that things really aren't that bad for me. I have a good job, I'm fit, own my apartment (well bank does), drive a nice car and am generally pretty happy and healthy, so life could be way worse. You just have to look at it from a different perspective. I'm 30 and unmarried but would like to be in the next 5 years, but while I could let this get me down I don't, I just get on with living life.

For the OP, there is surely someone out there with no parents left in more despair than you are, so be thankful you still have your mother. AJ, there is surely someone out there that doesn't have a beautiful wife and child that wants those things, and you should appreciate that you do. I think you get my point.

I think you should definitely get some greif counselling to start off with, this could be a big part of the problem with you getting motivated.

Good luck!


Thank you for the advice. I agree that one should find happiness. Right now I think that getting into a career that paid a lot, so that I could provide a great life for a family would make me happy, whether or not I love what I'm doing.

I know people are worse off than me, especially considering my mom is as helpful as she can be. This is why part of me just says suck it up, and start getting your life on track.

And now I'll go to work and think about what I want to do with my life. I think to myself, "become a doctor, you'll like that. Nah that's dumb. What about law school? Nope, too stupid. Going back to school for engineering seems like a good choice. 3 more years of school for another bachelor's? You're in idiot." And so on and so forth. I'm extremely indecisive, and it's driving me nuts. Obviously the best thing for me to do is keep putting my undergrad degree to use, and finding a decent job, paying off debt, etc. I guess I just can't find a decent job.

Originally Posted by Hombre Secreto
You're depressed and booze isn't going to help you. Quit drinking or getting high. You're an unhappy person and NOTHING is capable of making you happy right about now. You need to be able to think long and hard to help yourself, and having a clear mind is key. Try seeking a mentor. Someone who is a lot older than you, and has gone through way more **** than you.

And don't have kids anytime soon. You ain't mature enough, and throwing a kid into the mix right now would be really bad for everyone involved. Good luck, dude.


I know, I know, I was mostly kidding anyway. I do drink like once a week, but it's when I'm going out with friends. And I have a long-term girlfriend that I fully intend on marrying, and I don't think either of us wants kids right now, so no worries there.

Originally Posted by Mr Herbert
am i the only one disturbed by this admission?

I was just hoping I misunderstood it.

I really appreciate all the advice/comments thus far.
 

Blackhood

Distinguished Member
Joined
Feb 5, 2010
Messages
2,895
Reaction score
376
Originally Posted by pokey07
I'm extremely indecisive, and it's driving me nuts. Obviously the best thing for me to do is keep putting my undergrad degree to use, and finding a decent job, paying off debt, etc. I guess I just can't find a decent job.

I was exactly this way until I was 18, then something twigged. You can do anything. Literally. I ditched school and worked at a supermarket to pay for flying lessons. At 18 I was flying aircraft without a single qualification. I enrolled in flying school to become a commercial pilot, and failed. Within 2 weeks I'd been accepted into a university to study International Business and Advertising.

Pick something you would like to do, but never could. Now do it. Once you've achieved something impossible, the world is your oyster.

I gave this advice to a friend, also a drop out, who wanted to become a lawyer. He said he wanted to be in a real court room, and see the legal system at work. We sat down, wrote to as many local practices a s we could and within 6 weeks he was shadowing a senior lawyer. Some night-school classes and a recommendation from from said lawyer, and in September he starts training.

Seriously, with tenacity and balls, there is nothing you can't do. Think about it, America has had a marsupial as a president and now has a black Hawaiian nerd. Nothing in this life is off limits.
 

Featured Sponsor

How important is full vs half canvas to you for heavier sport jackets?

  • Definitely full canvas only

    Votes: 55 35.5%
  • Half canvas is fine

    Votes: 60 38.7%
  • Really don't care

    Votes: 17 11.0%
  • Depends on fabric

    Votes: 27 17.4%
  • Depends on price

    Votes: 28 18.1%

Forum statistics

Threads
505,172
Messages
10,579,191
Members
223,888
Latest member
RoseBenif
Top