easiest country to invade?

Originally Posted by harvey_birdman

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Some middling South American country would be ideal. Peru would be my suggestion.

this is the best idea, especially since once u take over you can just nationalize the production of cocaine and profit tremendously.

South American countries are: a) heavily militarized (albeit with outdated Soviet hardware, but realistically, you're not buying any better on the black market), b) full of rough and rugged and/or jungly terrain, c) large. I'd also add d) heavily nationalistic/proud local populations, which would mean facing a full-scale insurgency after your coup, especially if you're a foreigner who doesn't even speak the language. And e) armed and vicious drug cartels who will wipe the floor with you after the central government falls.

Poor choices for an invasion. Extremely poor choices, in fact. Good choices for guerilla warfare or popular uprising, though, but unless you're a charismatic native with access to the military, I don't see that panning out too well.

There's a reason even the U.S. has never been really good at regime change or black ops in South America. How do you expect to do better?

Absolute best choice would be a small island nation without a lot of ground to cover in order to hold it down. Preferably an island nation that nobody nearby cares about or is willing to re-invade if you take it successfully. Avoid any of the islands near Australia or New Zealand, or any British territories or American territories. Also avoid islands with strategic importance in terms of location or mineral resources, because someone else will see your tin-pot takeover as an opportunity to pounce and claim it for themselves.

Unfortunately, taking over an island with little natural resources or wealth will not be a great long-term move for you. You'll be isolated from the world community and will not be able to import or export, slowly starving yourself and your nation until you either give up or perish.

In such a case, you need a wealthy and powerful benefactor nation to support you before, possibly during, and certainly after the takeover. Russia would make a decent choice here, since it's trying to re-assert itself on the world stage, and because it has decades of Cold War experience with supporting puppet regimes around the world. China might also help, but I wouldn't trust them farther than I could throw them. The US would be a good choice if you could somehow make a case to the government that it's in their interests to support your attempt (see: Ahmad Chalabi re: Iraq).

Expect to trade a lot of your real independence and sovereignty to the benefactor as the devil's bargain for obtaining its support. But them's the breaks. It's still a better deal than going it alone and then starving afterward.

Originally Posted by Arrogant Bastard

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Absolute best choice would be a small island nation without a lot of ground to cover in order to hold it down. Preferably an island nation that nobody nearby cares about or is willing to re-invade if you take it successfully. Avoid any of the islands near Australia or New Zealand, or any British territories or American territories. Also avoid islands with strategic importance in terms of location or mineral resources, because someone else will see your tin-pot takeover as an opportunity to pounce and claim it for themselves.

Unfortunately, taking over an island with little natural resources or wealth will not be a great long-term move for you. You'll be isolated from the world community and will not be able to import or export, slowly starving yourself and your nation until you either give up or perish.

In such a case, you need a wealthy and powerful benefactor nation to support you before, possibly during, and certainly after the takeover. Russia would make a decent choice here, since it's trying to re-assert itself on the world stage, and because it has decades of Cold War experience with supporting puppet regimes around the world. China might also help, but I wouldn't trust them farther than I could throw them. The US would be a good choice if you could somehow make a case to the government that it's in their interests to support your attempt (see: Ahmad Chalabi re: Iraq).

Expect to trade a lot of your real independence and sovereignty to the benefactor as the devil's bargain for obtaining its support. But them's the breaks. It's still a better deal than going it alone and then starving afterward.

Cuba?

Originally Posted by crazyquik

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Cuba?
Cuba would appear to be a decent bet, but remember the Bay of Pigs fiasco? That was essentially this thread's playing itself out in real life. A group of connected Cuban exiles in the States convinced the US to support their attempt to retake the island from Castro. They underestimated Castro's local resistance, and they got wtfpwned. Consider that those guys had the advantage of being natives, so they knew the island and could conceivably have had popular support from the local population if they managed to take and hold ground for an appreciable amount of time. You or I wouldn't have that going for us. I'd also argue that Cuba is still too tough a military opponent to tackle with a mercenary army. Most of its hardware is old, rusting, and being shut down or scrapped due to economic hardship of maintaining it. But still, it's a decent sized and well trained military. Anyone short of Bill Gates, or Warren Buffet, or Carlos Slim Helu, etc., would have a hard time buying its mercenary/black market superior.

I still maintain that Africa is the best choice. None of the large powers is going to give a **** other than scold you in the UN, the people are mostly war weary and used to regime change, and if you go in and actually try to make things better, you'll probably get a lot of local support.

Originally Posted by KitAkira

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I still maintain that Africa is the best choice. None of the large powers is going to give a **** other than scold you in the UN, the people are mostly war weary and used to regime change, and if you go in and actually try to make things better, you'll probably get a lot of local support.

Who wants to invade a fixer-upper?

Originally Posted by KitAkira

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I still maintain that Africa is the best choice. None of the large powers is going to give a **** other than scold you in the UN, the people are mostly war weary and used to regime change, and if you go in and actually try to make things better, you'll probably get a lot of local support.
China is "colonizing" Africa right now, though not through ethnic Chinese settlers so much as corporatization and investment. If you were going to invade a small African country, I'd try to enlist either China or the US as a backer. Problem with Africa? Lots of mineral resources and lots of potential for agricultural productivity, but the fertile or mineral-rich zones are heavily contested and uber-violent. Shaking out the local warlords and establishing control might be somewhat easy in the beginning. But you'd be digging in for a very long fight and/or unstable rule once you took over. Pretty much no natural borders or barriers between countries in Africa, either, so you'd face constant threat of cross-border invasion by either national forces or opportunistic warlords. Modern-historically speaking, the best way to take over an African country has always been to get elected legitimately and then dissolve the parliament and declare dictatorship after taking power. (This is probably the easiest way to take over a country in general; second easiest way is to be the head of the military in a country with an unpopular ruler, and go for the classic military coup d'etat).

IMO, New Zealand would be a great choice. They have drinkable wines, a diverse climate and geography, island and fairly remote from the big powers. Plus, hobbits and elves live there.

Originally Posted by Piobaire

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fairly remote from the big powers.

Umm, Australia?

Not anyone's definition of a superpower or anything, but they've got one of the world's biggest and best militaries, and they're right in your backyard. Maybe if you got Gandalf to help you, you'd stand a chance. But the hobbits won't be able to do much for you.

Originally Posted by Piobaire

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IMO, New Zealand would be a great choice. They have drinkable wines, a diverse climate and geography, island and fairly remote from the big powers. Plus, hobbits and elves live there.

We saw what four little homosexual hobbits did against the armies of Mordor. I imagine any invading army wouldn't have innumerable orcs and cave trolls to throw at them either. Poor choice all around I'd say.

Originally Posted by kwilkinson

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Who wants to invade a fixer-upper?
Because it's easy? Beggars can't be choosers and all that. Plus if you better the country, you'll gain international support (or at least, keep them off your back) and if you run into problems (coup, war, etc.) they'll be more apt to support someone who has had a positive impact than someone who has conquered a country and turned it into his personal getaway

Originally Posted by Arrogant Bastard

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China is "colonizing" Africa right now, though not through ethnic Chinese settlers so much as corporatization and investment. If you were going to invade a small African country, I'd try to enlist either China or the US as a backer. Problem with Africa? Lots of mineral resources and lots of potential for agricultural productivity, but the fertile or mineral-rich zones are heavily contested and uber-violent. Shaking out the local warlords and establishing control might be somewhat easy in the beginning. But you'd be digging in for a very long fight and/or unstable rule once you took over. Pretty much no natural borders or barriers between countries in Africa, either, so you'd face constant threat of cross-border invasion by either national forces or opportunistic warlords. Modern-historically speaking, the best way to take over an African country has always been to get elected legitimately and then dissolve the parliament and declare dictatorship after taking power. (This is probably the easiest way to take over a country in general; second easiest way is to be the head of the military in a country with an unpopular ruler, and go for the classic military coup d'etat).
I think you mean that it'll be easy to take over neighbors All you really need is a powerful military: armor and air would be a huge advantage against anyone trying to lead an uprising with machetes and AKs Oh, and the whole dictatorship route doesn't really work, just going to piss people off and make it easier for someone to mount an uprising (which seems to be the way of African governments)

Originally Posted by KitAkira

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All you really need is a powerful military: armor and air would be a huge advantage against anyone trying to lead an uprising with machetes and AKs

Saying "all you really need is a powerful military" is sort of like saying "It'd be easy to kick Superman's ass; all I'd need is a Kryptonite gun." Where are you going to get the military? How are you going to keep your soldiers fed, armed, and loyal? How are you going to keep the local population in check, especially since you've renounced the dictatorship route?

There is a whole basket of "how" questions your invasion plan does not take into account. Don't get me wrong; I admire your ***** and ambition. But it's pretty clear you haven't played armchair general on internet forums as often as some.

Oh, and the whole dictatorship route doesn't really work, just going to piss people off and make it easier for someone to mount an uprising (which seems to be the way of African governments)

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Problem with African countries is that the people are constantly starving, pissed off, drug-addled, or a whole bunch of other messes. Keeping them in check is extremely difficult without establishing a dictatorship, and yet, a dictatorship always breeds resentment. It's a catch 22. Most would-be rulers choose the dictatorship route so long as they can maintain control over their military leaders. They bank on the fact that their people will be too broken to rise up.

Originally Posted by Nil

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We saw what four little homosexual hobbits did against the armies of Mordor. I imagine any invading army wouldn't have innumerable orcs and cave trolls to throw at them either. Poor choice all around I'd say.

You're right; what was I thinking? I just want to make sure I conquer a country with some credible wineries.

Originally Posted by Piobaire

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You're right; what was I thinking? I just want to make sure I conquer a country with some credible wineries.

You could probably convince the hippies in Oregon to secede from the US. They'd be none the wiser that you're really just after their sweet berry wine.