Anyone dealt with depression/ Bi-polar in their partner?

I met a new girl recently, and we were talking last night about her past...

Has anyone been in a relationship with someone who has history of mild bi-polar/depressive beahvior, a suicidal event, etc?

It's not case of past abuse or violence, just a lot of little things that caused bad thoughts. She's currently on low dose Lithium, and her whole family has similar problems.

Does anyone have advice or experiences? I like her a lot

Originally Posted by longskate88

Click to expand...

I met a new girl recently, and we were talking last night about her past...

Has anyone been in a relationship with someone who has history of mild bi-polar/depressive beahvior, a suicidal event, etc?

It's not case of past abuse or violence, just a lot of little things that caused bad thoughts. She's currently on low dose Lithium, and her whole family has similar problems.

Does anyone have advice or experiences? I like her a lot

How does she respond to lithium? Does she take it?

I've never been in a relationship with a bipolar woman and really doubt I could deal with it, unless its very well controlled. I see alot of bipolar patients nowdays and almost always bring the family into treatment at some point as there is so often relational problems that can make the condition worse. Like any other disorder, Bipolar is on a spectrum between barely diagnosable to severely impaired.
Where she falls on the spectrum is important. Hard to give advice otherwise.

Medication is first line tx for BAD. Therapy can help to reduce stress which is generally what precedes transitions between manic and depressive episodes. As a whole, these people are often all over the place, often (appropriately) to wrapped up in managing their own day to day life to maintain stable relationships. Again, there is so much variation from person to person.

dl

I dated a girl in my late teens who had a lot of issues. I don't recall her ever telling me she'd been diagnosed with anything specific, but she could have used help. I'm not a doctor, but this girl was really broken. She saw a psychiatrist for a while during our relationship, but it didn't really seem to go anywhere.

She was a really sweet girl, but it was rough. We would fight constantly, and things always seemed screwed up. Even with that being the case, she clung to me like I was her savior. Things would get really bad, but when I'd break up with her she'd take a bottle of pills. We were together for longer than we should have been because I didn't know how to break it off without her doing something awful. Eventually I just had to tell myself that I wasn't responsible for what she might do, and I finally just broke it off. Everything turned out OK for her, but it was a lot to deal with at 18-20 years old.

I'm not trying to tell you not to do pursue this girl, but just keep in mind that it may be a lot more work than other relationships. It can be really challenging to deal with, especially people with a history of suicidal thoughts/attempts. In retrospect, I don't regret that relationship, but I do feel like I missed out on a lot of because I was trapped in a relationship by my fear that it would, quite literally, kill her if we broke up.

Originally Posted by MrG

Click to expand...

I dated a girl in my late teens who had a lot of issues. I don't recall her ever telling me she'd been diagnosed with anything specific, but she could have used help. I'm not a doctor, but this girl was really broken. She saw a psychiatrist for a while during our relationship, but it didn't really seem to go anywhere.

She was a really sweet girl, but it was rough. We would fight constantly, and things always seemed screwed up. Even with that being the case, she clung to me like I was her savior. Things would get really bad, but when I'd break up with her she'd take a bottle of pills. We were together for longer than we should have been because I didn't know how to break it off without her doing something awful. Eventually I just had to tell myself that I wasn't responsible for what she might do, and I finally just broke it off. Everything turned out OK for her, but it was a lot to deal with at 18-20 years old.

I'm not trying to tell you not to do pursue this girl, but just keep in mind that it may be a lot more work than other relationships. It can be really challenging to deal with, especially people with a history of suicidal thoughts/attempts. In retrospect, I don't regret that relationship, but I do feel like I missed out on a lot of because I was trapped in a relationship by my fear that it would, quite literally, kill her if we broke up.

Yep...she tried it about 3 years ago after her BF broke up with her via text messages. She was going to have to continue living with a roommate that hated her, so she made a half-ass attempt at suicide. I'm afraid of what you faced, I know I would feel trapped in that case.

She currently takes a low-dose antidepressant, which I belive is Lithium? (I'm not well versed on those meds, maybe that's for bi-polar, which she is not currently taking meds for...it's an uncertain diagnosis).

Overall, she says she has trouble getting motivated to do things, but once she does them she feels good that she did.

She is 25 and working full-time, and I'm 22 and in college, so I'm not sure it has a future anyway...but she is awful cool and fun to be around

Run. Very far away.

No, don't think about it. Sever and run. Like the ******* wind.

Originally Posted by longskate88

Click to expand...

Yep...she tried it about 3 years ago after her BF broke up with her via text messages. She was going to have to continue living with a roommate that hated her, so she made a half-ass attempt at suicide. I'm afraid of what you faced, I know I would feel trapped in that case.

She currently takes a low-dose antidepressant, which I belive is Lithium? (I'm not well versed on those meds, maybe that's for bi-polar, which she is not currently taking meds for...it's an uncertain diagnosis).

Overall, she says she has trouble getting motivated to do things, but once she does them she feels good that she did.

She is 25 and working full-time, and I'm 22 and in college, so I'm not sure it has a future anyway...but she is awful cool and fun to be around

It's definitely tough, but it also sounds like this girl knows she has problems and has made an attempt to deal with them. You're also both older than we were. I'm pretty sure the issues I faced were exacerbated by our age. Not only did she have problems, but I was completely unequipped to deal with them, which probably amplified preexisting issues. One thing I had to learn was that I couldn't save her, even if she thought I could. We'd break up and she'd go nuts, prompting me to get back together with her because I thought it would help. In reality, it just prolonged the process and cost me a fair amount of time I could have spent just being young.

If it makes you feel any better, the girl in my case has recently gotten married, and she seems to be genuinely happy. I only communicate with her through the occasional Facebook message, but she definitely seems better adjusted than she did when we were dating.

tough situation. I have an employee who is bi-polar, and an aunt. difficult people

Originally Posted by globetrotter

Click to expand...

tough situation. I have an employee who is bi-polar, and an aunt. difficult people


Thanks Globe, could you elaborate on what's difficult about them? I'm just trying to figure out if/when things go wrong, if it's something I'M doing wrong, or just a possible 'symptom' of the bi-polar. If you have examples of typical problems, I'd appreciate them

It's not the highs you generally have to worry about, since she'll probably function as a high-energy normal individual, but she'll need comforting in the lows. What helped me was reading about stoicism and memorizing a few quotes to get through the depressions.

I have heard this question a lot, here it is being discussed on reddit: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/co...tionship_with/.

Originally Posted by MrG

Click to expand...

I'm not trying to tell you not to do pursue this girl, but just keep in mind that it may be a lot more work than other relationships.
This is very good advice. Talk to her about it and how she reacts and decide for yourself whether you want to go further with her.

FWIW My current girlfriend, who I've been dating for two years has mild bipolarity. She's had incidents in the past, but for the most part, we've shared a loving, stable relationship.

Run. Run like your ass is on fire.

Originally Posted by longskate88

Click to expand...

Thanks Globe, could you elaborate on what's difficult about them? I'm just trying to figure out if/when things go wrong, if it's something I'M doing wrong, or just a possible 'symptom' of the bi-polar. If you have examples of typical problems, I'd appreciate them

with my employee, he is up and running some of the time, fast paced, up beat, happy, talks a mile a minute. then he is down, almost paranioid, feels like the world is ending, very low energy.


my aunt is sort of like that, but much much worse. but she is also a lot older, I don't know if its changed over time.

good luck

A close family friend is bi-polar and not diagnosed until an adult. It can be a very difficult thing. Depending on severity, I would suggest that you walk away. Staying means that you're making a bit more of a commitment than dating other girls.

My experience is similar to GT's. Up, then down. Usually the cycles are long - anywhere from a month to a year of one side of the cycle. None of the bipolars I know now flip up/down in a day. Not that being in either cycle won't produce the normal gamut of human emotions, but the overall trend will be happy or depressed.

I'm cyclothymic. I tried meds for a month - 2 months and realized the side-effects weren't worth the benefits.

Has she tried CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) ?
search wiki.

Another thing is that once or twice a month I'll get super-emotional / depressed and it helps to talk to a close-friend about whats troubling me.