Do you enjoy being married?

Originally Posted by bmulford

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And I believe that the right woman/partner does bring out the best in you. They motivate you to be at your best, more than you do on your own. The downside is that finding that person generally diminishes your prospects for greatness.

This fascinates me, and it seems to be a bit of a contradiction.

By this standard shouldn't your partner enhance your prospects for greatness if they bring out the best in you?

Originally Posted by theincumbent

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This fascinates me, and it seems to be a bit of a contradiction.

By this standard shouldn't your partner enhance your prospects for greatness if they bring out the best in you?

Greatness in terms of accomplishment, invention or revolution. Being married demands a great deal of your time and attention yet creates (too much) satisfaction.

You can be at your personal best as an individual, but at the expense the extraordinary drive you once had.

But if you're not satisfied, or really don't care - then you're all good.

It isn't for everyone but it suits me.

Originally Posted by CBDB

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Best thing that ever happened to me. Choose carefully.

Originally Posted by odoreater

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+1

+2
Some lucky ones find their mate in high school and that's fine- others not 'til later in life and that's fine too.
The worst advice I've ever heard was given to a couple that met in grade achool and were the most obviously pair bonded couple I've ever seen. The advice was to date other people. while their situation was fairly unique, the cautionary tale is that you can find the right one at any time.

the guy that gave the advice got divorced after 3 years.

To answer the OP question. No not particularly..I do like the sex though..one big upside. I am often reminded of the line about the mafia "its is easy to get into but very diificult to get out of"

I had little doubts in the back of my mind that this girl was "the one" but we were in our late 20's and all our friends were getting married, she was pushing for a ring (sound familiar). Looking back now I should have listened to those little voices. Nothing terrible has happened between us but bottom line is I dont think I was head over heals In Love with her way back when the way I should have been to get married. I recognize that now.

We get on ok, I would say. There has been lots of fight and conflicts over the years about the usual things. I think one of the most important things in a marraige is for both people to have a great sense of humour or to put it another way to laugh at the same things. We have totally different senses of humour and that creates its own problems and conflicts.

I would think if we did not have young kids we would possibly have gone our seperate ways by now, but with kids and financial obligations it becomes a lot harder to seriously consider this option. Dont get me wrong we dont hate each other, I would say we have more a room mate relationship if that makes sense. We both love the kids and have created a nice home and life for them. And boy do I miss chasing skirt. Sorry for the rambling post....it is what it is as they say. I know there are many, many men and women just like me stuck in marraiges that never admit it publically for all the obvious reasons.

^ Quite the first post.

Originally Posted by edmorel

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For me "marrying age" starts around where college ends, not because you reach some magical point of enlightment, but because I think balancing a new marriage with school and probably a job is a big strain. My point is that, yes, we all change/mature with age. We all pretty much have a different outlook from when we were 18 but the change ha to come organically, I think it is a fail if you either try to change someone to your liking or change yourself to someone else's liking. Meet a person, fall in love with them, grow and mature together. There will be changes, some good/ some bad, but a much greater likelihood of success if it happens through shared experiences/growth than trying to be a certain person on day one.

The love has to be mutual. Unfortunately, those whom you love immensely don't necessarily love you back the same way and thats a bitter pill to swallow.

Originally Posted by edmorel

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For me "marrying age" starts around where college ends, not because you reach some magical point of enlightment, but because I think balancing a new marriage with school and probably a job is a big strain. My point is that, yes, we all change/mature with age. We all pretty much have a different outlook from when we were 18 but the change ha to come organically, I think it is a fail if you either try to change someone to your liking or change yourself to someone else's liking. Meet a person, fall in love with them, grow and mature together. There will be changes, some good/ some bad, but a much greater likelihood of success if it happens through shared experiences/growth than trying to be a certain person on day one.

Gotcha now. I agree. Marry a person only for who they are, not for whom you wish/think/desire they might become.

Originally Posted by bmulford

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Greatness in terms of accomplishment, invention or revolution. Being married demands a great deal of your time and attention yet creates (too much) satisfaction.

You can be at your personal best as an individual, but at the expense the extraordinary drive you once had.

But if you're not satisfied, or really don't care - then you're all good.

I agree with what you're saying, and also think it might be something of a factor of age. Most people start to trade in some stability and safety as they age. Think of all the great men in history, that had their seminal moments prior to turning 30.

Originally Posted by globetrotter

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I am very happy.

I was not a good single person, I didn't really enjoy dating.

there are a few things that I miss, but overwelmingly I am happy.

but I wouldn't rush into it. you need to find the right woman

you need to sow the oats.

I was 30 when I got married.

Ditto on all the points except the last--I was 35. So I waited even longer. I hated dating too. It was too much of a test with many women. When I'm not with my wife, I often wish I were. I enjoy some alone time or time with friends, but overwhelmingly if I'm by myself I wish my wife were there because we'd have something to share--like a snide comment about someone.

Oddly, of my friends, only two have divorced. One was due to a far too quick marriage at far too young of an age. He is now remarried for 8 or so years. The other was very recent and in a marriage that took place in their late 20s/early 30s. So who knows.

b

Originally Posted by edmorel

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Cornball.

Why can't you let me have my fun?

Originally Posted by edmorel

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Don't kid yourself. By the marrying age, you are who you are and she is who she is. You can both make small changes but no one is doing a 180 nor should they be expected to.

Originally Posted by Piobaire

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What's "marrying age" though? 18? 30? I know many things about my goals and outlooks at 30, were completely different than 18. I think I see what Bhowie is saying, and agree with it.

The brain doesn't fully mature until the mid-20s. Cognition matures much earlier, but various aspects involving reality assessement do not complete their physiological development until later.

Originally Posted by spertia

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Why the delay in marrying?

Originally Posted by Manton

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This says something deep about you.

My level 1 explanation is that we both had parents who were very unhappily married and then divorced, and this did not make the institution of marriage seem particularly useful. Moreover, neither of us are religious. My level 2 explanation is that while she would have married me even before I noticed her, I associated marriage with one of the steps that you take toward death.

I changed my mind, though. Every step you take is a step toward death.

Originally Posted by Bhowie

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Mmmmm...popcorn...carbs....


- B

....

Originally Posted by feynmix

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The love has to be mutual. Unfortunately, those whom you love immensely don't necessarily love you back the same way and thats a bitter pill to swallow.

To know me is to love me.

Originally Posted by jsp22

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...I would think if we did not have young kids we would possibly have gone our seperate ways by now, but with kids and financial obligations it becomes a lot harder to seriously consider this option. Dont get me wrong we dont hate each other, I would say we have more a room mate relationship if that makes sense. We both love the kids and have created a nice home and life for them. And boy do I miss chasing skirt. Sorry for the rambling post....it is what it is as they say. I know there are many, many men and women just like me stuck in marraiges that never admit it publically for all the obvious reasons.

Wow. Your post makes me sad. Do you want to try to make your marriage more than a "roommate relationship"? Seems to me you have a foundation, at least.

Do I want to make my marraige more than a roommate relationship? At this point I am not sure. I am not one for long sessions at the marraige therapist/counselling office if thats what you mean. We go through the motions of married life ok. I guess I am somewhat content with the status quo. I am first to admit I like alot of the trappings of marraige like a comfortable home life, great kids, holidays with the extended family, status it brings etc. I have more than many so i really need to shut up least I come accross as whining, but I really am in awe of those married couples that are in love and genuinely enjoy married life together after many years.

Really the aim of my post was not about me per se but as a public service I guess to anyone about to or thinking about marraige.

Originally Posted by Dakota rube

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Wow. Your post makes me sad. Do you want to try to make your marriage more than a "roommate relationship"? Seems to me you have a foundation, at least.