Give your best advice to an expecting father

no advice, but congrats.

Congrats, gdl203.

No advice, but congratulations!!

Congratulations.

Becoming a father will change you, for the better. You will realize that you are no longer the most important person in the world. That's a good thing.

Baby stores are full of gadgets to make you waste money. That's right, WASTE money. You do not need a home bottle warmer, a travel/car bottle warmer, or bottle sanitizer/steamer. A microwave and a pot of boiling water will do the same tricks. And rule of thumb: 12 seconds on 100% power for a four ounce bottle of formula/milk.

Baby clothes are expensive and they add up. A baby clad in head to toe Burberry is not anymore cuter than one in Walmart attire. Save your money. You will need it when they are older.

If you value your kids (and you should), start saving for their education. Start NOW.

Good luck. Also +100 on what every father has said so far.

Thanks for posting this, gdl. I too have my first little one on the way. Mazel Tov to you and I will be peering over the shoulder at this thread, too.

Originally Posted by globetrotter

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wear comfortable clothes with lots of pockets - you may be in them for a while, and the rooms can go from hot to cold quickly.

Ha, what I always tell friends who are about to become dads is "buy some cargo shorts". You will get handed more sh**t (sometimes literally, athough that's not what I meant) in the next two years than in the previous twenty. Sometimes by your wife, sometimes by the kids. Not all of it is stuff you'll want to keep in your hands. Pockets, preferably big ones and lots of them, are key.

But mostly, just trust your instincts and enjoy the experience. Common sense, hard-wired instinct, patience (lots and lots of that) and love will be of much more help in the joys and challenges ahead than anything you can read. Congratulations, good luck, and have fun.

Congratulations.

The best advice I heard and followed is, sleep when they sleep. Do not attempt to get things done while they are napping -- nap yourself. You can do it, and the first year will be much, much easier if you do.

Originally Posted by lawyerdad

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Ha, what I always tell friends who are about to become dads is "buy some cargo shorts".

But that's terrible advice on style forum!

Originally Posted by Dewey

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The best advice I heard and followed is, sleep when they sleep. Do not attempt to get things done while they are napping -- nap yourself. You can do it, and the first year will be much, much easier if you do.

Interesting - that's one I never heard before !

Originally Posted by spertia

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But that's terrible advice on style forum!

Sorry, bespeak some cargo shorts.

Originally Posted by gdl203

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Interesting - that's one I never heard before !

no expecting father actually grasps the issue of how sleep deprevation will change your life. you will be willing to do things that you never thought you would to allow your wife to get a few minutes sleep in the hope that maybe you'll get some if she isn't so tired. you will make calculations, many times a week, if you think that letting her sleep more will get you any, or if you should just hog the sleep yourself.


have fun!!

I tried the idea of imprinting with my daughter -- the first thing she heard from me after birth was -- "obey this voice". Thus far (13years) it hasn't seemed to taken, but I am still hopeful. This may sound silly but in the end all you have is hope and prayers .....

Originally Posted by lawyerdad

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But mostly, just trust your instincts and enjoy the experience. Common sense, hard-wired instinct, patience (lots and lots of that) and love will be of much more help in the joys and challenges ahead than anything you can read. Congratulations, good luck, and have fun.

Perfect advice. You already know how to parent. You don't need books or courses. Just give yourself time and space to let your natural parenting skills come out.

Congratulations. There is nothing comparable to fatherhood.

G,

I don't have any twin-specific advice but I do have three little kids and perhaps the most important piece of advice I can give you (and your wife) is to just listen to your gut and your instincts when it comes to parenting. As humans we are hard-wired for this and when you first become a parent, everyone has an opinion and will share their advice on what you should or should not do. Although they usually mean well, I've found that you need to rely on this innate sense we all have of what seems right or wrong. It sometimes takes a little longer as a dad to bond with your child but once you do, you'll know when something doesn't feel right or is wrong with your child or conversely, when they are fine, despite what anyone else says.

Talk to your children all the time - en Francais! It doesn't matter that they can't understand the words - just talk! And no gaga goo goo baby talk either. Sing, read books to them, the NYT, the WSJ... whatever. English is the easiest language to learn and they'll have no choice but to learn it. OTOH, if you can teach them other languages as infants, they will never again be able to learn as easily as in the first few years of their life.

Do anything you can to make life easier for your wife. Take care of everything else so she can focus on the babies and not worry about other stuff. Be understanding and don't flinch even if (or I should say when) she goes batshit crazy from all the hormones flowing through her, the sleep deprivation...

I agree with the recommendation not to buy into all the baby gadgets. It's a huge industry that preys on our insecurities as parents. All you need is a crib, a good stroller and a car seat (if you have a car), and those Baby Einstein DVDs are actually pretty good at entertaining babies for 20-30 min. All the rest just takes up space and is used only for a few weeks (though for one of our kids, the baby swing was a lifesaver for a little while).

During the first 3-4 months of their life, there is no such thing as spoiling a baby or training them to behave certain ways. All you should worry about is trying to ease the transition from their comfortable womb to this bright and noisy world by making them feel safe and snug and being there to attend to all their needs. They are totally helpless and need to know you are there for them.

Finally, try to enjoy yourself. The first few months can be brutal (I can't even imagine how it's like with twins) but they are also filled with lots of joy and there is something very special about those moments with your first child(ren) that are not the same with your subsequent kids because of how new it is to you as parents.

Mazaltov et meilleurs voeux!

EL

Thanks EL - a lot of this advice about trusting natural parental instincts is quite in line with this book I'm reading now ("Bà bà , dis-moi qui tu es&quot. Language will be quite a challenge for us as neither of us is a native English speaker so we'll speak two languages to them at home - and neither will be English !